As I was driving home today, I took the usual path that included a quick shortcut that is supposed to all but park my car in my driveway for me. But instead of allowing me to get home more quickly, I found myself having to stop as there was a major backup from a train passing through on a cross street.
I quickly assessed the situation and decided I would turn into a apartment complex as I was sure they had a entrance that would help me to bypass the traffic and get home. I turned in and went one direction, and hit a dead end. Went another direction and discovered another dead end. The third available direction dumped me onto Wendover Rd., in the complete opposite direction and it required me to make a left turn into ridiculous 5:00 traffic without a stop light to aide me. By the time I made it back to my original starting point, I was already plotting another brilliant alternative, only to discover, the train had made it's way through and the traffic jam was gone. If only I had been patient for a few minutes, I could have avoided a lot of frustration.
Sound familiar? In my world today, it's a tangible reminder from God to be still and to quit trying to fix it, figure out short cuts or think I can do it better. Clearly, I mess it up. I don't know about you, but I feel like I am waiting for a couple of trains right now. Daily, I find myself plotting on how to move around them, through them, over them - anything but wait for them to pass.
If I had just waited at the stop in the traffic jam today, I would have been home earlier than my short cut. I wonder ... how much do I delay His plan by my plan?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Beauty
"never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting." -r.w. emerson
God's beauty is seen in many things, but I have been acutely aware recently of how God's beauty shows up in the midst of ashes. As I look around, there is a lot of "hard" going on - God's up to something - I plan on having a front row seat.
God's beauty is seen in many things, but I have been acutely aware recently of how God's beauty shows up in the midst of ashes. As I look around, there is a lot of "hard" going on - God's up to something - I plan on having a front row seat.
Monday, October 10, 2011
I'm Not That Kind of Girl
So, here’s the truth. I am not the “I go to coffee shops and hang out and write kind of girl.” I don’t know of an apt description to substitute in that sentence either, but I know that I am not that. Yet, here I am sitting and doing just that. The funny thing is that it has become a conscious decision recently to do this. This is my second time recently making the effort to go and “just be” in a public place. In both instances, the decision has come after a couple of days of thinking in passing that I should go to the coffee shop, and in a split second decision, it suddenly becomes d-day and I can’t get there fast enough. The drive seems to be full of obstacles and not a straight shot, and I end up in each instance, also in the worst seat in the house.
But this is what I also know. My life has changed completely. With the exception of my mailing address, everything is different in my life than it was last year. I began this year with one word on my mind – advent. I loved this word for the year 2011 – because at its core, it’s meaning is beauty to me – hopeful for things to come. And in the great way that God does things, this word, which I prayed for, intersects with my life verse, “She is clothed with grace and dignity and she smiles at the future.” (Pr. 31:25) And so I am hopeful, I am in advent.
But if I am truthful, I am also afraid. In September, I laid my dog down. And while I miss her terribly, I find myself realizing that in a strange way, she had become my security blanket. No matter what life threw at me, she was there. And beyond the obvious mourning of her absence in my life, I feel fragile. The kind of fragile one feels if they leave their home and realize 20 minutes down the road that they forgot their cell phone fragile. And in that moment, you feel like you are missing out on the most important event in the world because you don’t have your cell phone at your finger tips and also realizing at any second, you could get in a terrible accident and the EMT’s won’t be able to look up you’re ICE contact because you don’t have your cell phone on you. And the weight of both, has you feeling all alone.
A friend of mine recently shared with me a nugget of truth that a kind stranger had shared with her. Change it up. Do it differently. You are the common denominator. If one thing isn’t working, change it up. And maybe that’s what my new obsession with writing at a Starbuck’s is all about. I could simply say, I don’t want to be at home right now with the memories. And, that would be true.
But deep down, I know it is more. I know that in the midst of fragile seasons, God shows you beauty far more imaginative than you could ever imagine for yourself. I know and cling to the fact that I am in a season of advent, so I am choosing to smile at the future. And sometimes, that choice happens from the corner table at Starbucks. Feel free to stop by and say hello.
But this is what I also know. My life has changed completely. With the exception of my mailing address, everything is different in my life than it was last year. I began this year with one word on my mind – advent. I loved this word for the year 2011 – because at its core, it’s meaning is beauty to me – hopeful for things to come. And in the great way that God does things, this word, which I prayed for, intersects with my life verse, “She is clothed with grace and dignity and she smiles at the future.” (Pr. 31:25) And so I am hopeful, I am in advent.
But if I am truthful, I am also afraid. In September, I laid my dog down. And while I miss her terribly, I find myself realizing that in a strange way, she had become my security blanket. No matter what life threw at me, she was there. And beyond the obvious mourning of her absence in my life, I feel fragile. The kind of fragile one feels if they leave their home and realize 20 minutes down the road that they forgot their cell phone fragile. And in that moment, you feel like you are missing out on the most important event in the world because you don’t have your cell phone at your finger tips and also realizing at any second, you could get in a terrible accident and the EMT’s won’t be able to look up you’re ICE contact because you don’t have your cell phone on you. And the weight of both, has you feeling all alone.
A friend of mine recently shared with me a nugget of truth that a kind stranger had shared with her. Change it up. Do it differently. You are the common denominator. If one thing isn’t working, change it up. And maybe that’s what my new obsession with writing at a Starbuck’s is all about. I could simply say, I don’t want to be at home right now with the memories. And, that would be true.
But deep down, I know it is more. I know that in the midst of fragile seasons, God shows you beauty far more imaginative than you could ever imagine for yourself. I know and cling to the fact that I am in a season of advent, so I am choosing to smile at the future. And sometimes, that choice happens from the corner table at Starbucks. Feel free to stop by and say hello.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
When I Met Pure Sunshine
Yesterday, a beautiful woman went home to be with the Lord. Her name was Sydney. I met her once and it was like meeting pure sunshine. And when I met her, while I hadn't known her name before that moment, I knew exactly who she was as I had watched her for sometime.
See, I am new to this place. It was her home. And while I didn't know who she was, or what was ravaging her body, I watched her from afar each Sunday as her church family individually came to check on her throughout the service. And each time, the tables were turned as she became the counselor, the cheerleader, the sister, the friend. And the love that she lavished on her family in those moments was so abundant, that a shy, new girl was captivated each Sunday from the sidelines watching.
In late July, I had my chance meeting with her. I arrived late for church, with my much needed Starbucks in hand, looking for my friend who had saved me a seat. Sitting on the other side of her was the sunshine I had been watching since February when I first noticed her, and true to form, she was just as bright and warm and larger than life as she had seemed. It was obvious she had been dealing with a lot that morning, but all of the world was tossed to the side as she gave me one of the warmest welcomes I have ever experienced.
That was my first and my last encounter with Sydney. But as I watch the tears fall on Facebook from those who knew and loved her, I am struck with sadness for the person I wish I would have known. I am in awe of the evident impact she had on so many people.
This is the moment where words are never adequate. When you hold tightly to a loved one and the embrace is not long enough. As Christians, we have hope knowing that she is healed and with Jesus. As humans that have only experienced this earth, our hearts ache for our beloved. It is where the heart and the mind disconnect.
Anne Lamott once wrote, "You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp."
There are many broken hearts this week. But maybe, part of dancing with a limp is also living out the legacy that Sydney left behind. I was allowed a small glimpse into an amazing life. But in one brief encounter, I wanted to be more gracious and welcoming to others. I wanted to be less shy so that I could love others more extravagantly. I wanted to let go of the world and be more in the moment. All of this, from a few mere moments of conversation with Sunshine. Imagine if we all stepped forward with her lessons and lived out her legacy.
See, I am new to this place. It was her home. And while I didn't know who she was, or what was ravaging her body, I watched her from afar each Sunday as her church family individually came to check on her throughout the service. And each time, the tables were turned as she became the counselor, the cheerleader, the sister, the friend. And the love that she lavished on her family in those moments was so abundant, that a shy, new girl was captivated each Sunday from the sidelines watching.
In late July, I had my chance meeting with her. I arrived late for church, with my much needed Starbucks in hand, looking for my friend who had saved me a seat. Sitting on the other side of her was the sunshine I had been watching since February when I first noticed her, and true to form, she was just as bright and warm and larger than life as she had seemed. It was obvious she had been dealing with a lot that morning, but all of the world was tossed to the side as she gave me one of the warmest welcomes I have ever experienced.
That was my first and my last encounter with Sydney. But as I watch the tears fall on Facebook from those who knew and loved her, I am struck with sadness for the person I wish I would have known. I am in awe of the evident impact she had on so many people.
This is the moment where words are never adequate. When you hold tightly to a loved one and the embrace is not long enough. As Christians, we have hope knowing that she is healed and with Jesus. As humans that have only experienced this earth, our hearts ache for our beloved. It is where the heart and the mind disconnect.
Anne Lamott once wrote, "You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp."
There are many broken hearts this week. But maybe, part of dancing with a limp is also living out the legacy that Sydney left behind. I was allowed a small glimpse into an amazing life. But in one brief encounter, I wanted to be more gracious and welcoming to others. I wanted to be less shy so that I could love others more extravagantly. I wanted to let go of the world and be more in the moment. All of this, from a few mere moments of conversation with Sunshine. Imagine if we all stepped forward with her lessons and lived out her legacy.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I Need a Do Over This Morning
My Facebook status today? "I need a do over this morning."
It's late afternoon and this feeling is still bubbling up within me. So much so, that I felt that I needed to pause for 5 minutes. The truth is that I have gotten a lot done today, but on a normal day, I would have gotten twice the amount done. And since I am a true planner and my day is measured by the amount of items I have checked off my list, I am left still wanting.
We all have days like this don't we? We don't have to begin the day in crisis. Hear me, nothing drastic happened. It just began in tiredness, wanting to savor more time asleep. A groggy morning that I never seemed to find my footing. At one point, I made the journey to Starbucks with the hopes to salvage the day. I left with the coffee but I also left with the stench of dog poop, courtesy of stepping into a present that an owner was too lazy to pick up.
So, as I sit here for five minutes trying to gain the energy and perspective to take the next step forward, I find myself not knowing where that will come from, but grateful that I start each day fresh. And perhaps in this thinking, I channel my inner southern girl/ aka Scarlett O'Hara attitude of saving it for another day. But maybe, I just am resting in a scrumptious promise from my heavenly daddy and knowledge that I can really take that deep breath, because He truly does have this. All of it.
It's late afternoon and this feeling is still bubbling up within me. So much so, that I felt that I needed to pause for 5 minutes. The truth is that I have gotten a lot done today, but on a normal day, I would have gotten twice the amount done. And since I am a true planner and my day is measured by the amount of items I have checked off my list, I am left still wanting.
We all have days like this don't we? We don't have to begin the day in crisis. Hear me, nothing drastic happened. It just began in tiredness, wanting to savor more time asleep. A groggy morning that I never seemed to find my footing. At one point, I made the journey to Starbucks with the hopes to salvage the day. I left with the coffee but I also left with the stench of dog poop, courtesy of stepping into a present that an owner was too lazy to pick up.
So, as I sit here for five minutes trying to gain the energy and perspective to take the next step forward, I find myself not knowing where that will come from, but grateful that I start each day fresh. And perhaps in this thinking, I channel my inner southern girl/ aka Scarlett O'Hara attitude of saving it for another day. But maybe, I just am resting in a scrumptious promise from my heavenly daddy and knowledge that I can really take that deep breath, because He truly does have this. All of it.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Praying Through the Hills and the Valleys
Several months ago, I started the below blog post. I logged on today to share what I am feeling right now, and in doing so, my eyes saw this unfinished post. It's interesting that this moment of clarity below led me to sharing my current journey with friends more transparently than I typically would. Not because there is shame in transparency, its just the way I was raised and a cycle I am trying to break. But, this sequence of events along with some other unfolding puzzle pieces made me want to allow others into this particular chapter. The truth is, that I got some bad news this week that was a blow to my ego and my heart. But these people, my dearest, who had been praying with me, they were there on the other side. I could text one line and they knew exactly how I was feeling on the other side. And as texts, emails and phone calls have come in, I have felt an overwhelming amount of gratefulness and blessing. As one friend put it, "I am disappointed with you." They are sharing the burden my heart feels now, and when a time of good news comes, they will rejoice with me in that moment too. I hope you have this same community of friends too... it's priceless.
In the meantime, here is the original blog post. If its been brewing for a few months now, it has to be worth the read, right?
I had a moment this morning. You, know the one. The one where a sequence of events come together like perfectly fit puzzle pieces. The one where you buy a vowel and get a clue. Let me back up and explain.
One of my dearest has been dealing with a challenge recently that if not overcome, has a serious impact to the season that God has them in. In short, it is a complete spiritual attack. But instead of freaking out, they chose another path, trusting in God and calling their closest to join them in prayer on the matter.
The call for prayer and trusting that God would intervene came through an email, and in the days that followed friends rose to the challenge. They prayed, they sent scripture, they sent supporting emails... and while I was "part" of the email chain, I sat in awe for a reason that I could not explain. There was something about it that struck my core, a thought at the edge of my brain that was tickling its way to the front, screaming to be known. And suddenly it hit me.
How often do we really trust God with the details? Really. Take the spiritual church talk and toss it out the window, how often do you really trust God with the details? I think we often talk about praying through a situation, and we may even be saying the prayer, but the words must support the actions. You see, I watched my friend look at a really hard situation before them. There were many options on how to approach the situation, but first they chose to pray. First, they chose to call their closest to pray with them. Don't get me wrong, we have responsibility in the matters of this world too. This particular situation involved research and certain steps of action, but in the end only God can change the heart of man, part a red sea, and change the impossible.
In the midst of this, I received another email from a dear friend who is doing great things in African business. I am blessed enough to be able to partner with her and pray on a weekly basis. Today's email, had a passage from Psalm 47 - "Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy." Along with this came a brilliant epiphany, "Whatever we do, it is to celebrate God. As we pray together, we celebrate."
I love the concept that I am celebrating God when I pray. And it is also a reminder to come to Him in all things. At the beginning of this year, I was reading in 1 Kings. There was a section where God punishes a group of people because they did not believe that God was the God of the hills and the God of the valley's. I felt convicted. It's not that I don't believe that God is God of all things - including both the hills and valleys of life, but I don't know that my actions always subscribe to this. I am at His feet when life is hard, but I am not always at His feet when life is good. And I want to celebrate Him in all seasons.
In the meantime, here is the original blog post. If its been brewing for a few months now, it has to be worth the read, right?
I had a moment this morning. You, know the one. The one where a sequence of events come together like perfectly fit puzzle pieces. The one where you buy a vowel and get a clue. Let me back up and explain.
One of my dearest has been dealing with a challenge recently that if not overcome, has a serious impact to the season that God has them in. In short, it is a complete spiritual attack. But instead of freaking out, they chose another path, trusting in God and calling their closest to join them in prayer on the matter.
The call for prayer and trusting that God would intervene came through an email, and in the days that followed friends rose to the challenge. They prayed, they sent scripture, they sent supporting emails... and while I was "part" of the email chain, I sat in awe for a reason that I could not explain. There was something about it that struck my core, a thought at the edge of my brain that was tickling its way to the front, screaming to be known. And suddenly it hit me.
How often do we really trust God with the details? Really. Take the spiritual church talk and toss it out the window, how often do you really trust God with the details? I think we often talk about praying through a situation, and we may even be saying the prayer, but the words must support the actions. You see, I watched my friend look at a really hard situation before them. There were many options on how to approach the situation, but first they chose to pray. First, they chose to call their closest to pray with them. Don't get me wrong, we have responsibility in the matters of this world too. This particular situation involved research and certain steps of action, but in the end only God can change the heart of man, part a red sea, and change the impossible.
In the midst of this, I received another email from a dear friend who is doing great things in African business. I am blessed enough to be able to partner with her and pray on a weekly basis. Today's email, had a passage from Psalm 47 - "Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy." Along with this came a brilliant epiphany, "Whatever we do, it is to celebrate God. As we pray together, we celebrate."
I love the concept that I am celebrating God when I pray. And it is also a reminder to come to Him in all things. At the beginning of this year, I was reading in 1 Kings. There was a section where God punishes a group of people because they did not believe that God was the God of the hills and the God of the valley's. I felt convicted. It's not that I don't believe that God is God of all things - including both the hills and valleys of life, but I don't know that my actions always subscribe to this. I am at His feet when life is hard, but I am not always at His feet when life is good. And I want to celebrate Him in all seasons.
Monday, March 21, 2011
A Little Lesson In Prayer
God has been teaching me a lot about prayer recently.
In recent months, I have been trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my spare bedroom. Office? Guest bedroom? Combination of both? In the meantime, I have casually been looking at Craigslist, Antique Stores, and Consignment Stores with the intent of being inspired and a love for "the search". I am an independent girl, so my thought process is, if I want it, I will buy it. That simple. As I was driving around the Queen City on Saturday, my brain flipped to the spare bedroom agenda again, and I heard God asking, "why don't you ask me?"
My immediate response was, "For a bed? Really God? I am sure you have much bigger things to deal with other than furniture for my spare bedroom ... I've heard my list lately." I dismissed the thought and moved onto another one, which was short lived because God once again replied back, "ask me for it."
Not sure exactly how I worded it, but I am sure it was a bit bratty mixed with a dose of awe and question marks that God wanted me to ask for furniture. But I did. I asked him to do His thing and provide me a bed for the guest bedroom. That my desire is to live out that it is not my home but His, and as such, I want to have a bed for people to sleep on.
Fast forward to Monday morning and a conversation with a childhood friend. I was telling her about my dining room table I purchased recently. She scolded me for buying a table, that she had one in storage I could have had for free. Jokingly, I said, "you got a bed in there? I need one of those." Her reply, "Yes! You can even pick it up tonight."
In the midst of this exchange I had completely forgotten this witty exchange with God from Saturday. But it was momentary, because as I sat down at my desk, God said, "see, I told you to ask for a bed."
He does indeed care about the small things like furniture. He has a brilliant sense of humor too. But more importantly, He knows I love a great story and would be meeting with someone today that needed to hear my curious story about praying for a bed. Sometimes, the more curious the story, the more powerful the meaning. My little prayer was answered, but more importantly, the story was just the nudge that someone else needed for a bold move in their life. Brilliant..
In recent months, I have been trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my spare bedroom. Office? Guest bedroom? Combination of both? In the meantime, I have casually been looking at Craigslist, Antique Stores, and Consignment Stores with the intent of being inspired and a love for "the search". I am an independent girl, so my thought process is, if I want it, I will buy it. That simple. As I was driving around the Queen City on Saturday, my brain flipped to the spare bedroom agenda again, and I heard God asking, "why don't you ask me?"
My immediate response was, "For a bed? Really God? I am sure you have much bigger things to deal with other than furniture for my spare bedroom ... I've heard my list lately." I dismissed the thought and moved onto another one, which was short lived because God once again replied back, "ask me for it."
Not sure exactly how I worded it, but I am sure it was a bit bratty mixed with a dose of awe and question marks that God wanted me to ask for furniture. But I did. I asked him to do His thing and provide me a bed for the guest bedroom. That my desire is to live out that it is not my home but His, and as such, I want to have a bed for people to sleep on.
Fast forward to Monday morning and a conversation with a childhood friend. I was telling her about my dining room table I purchased recently. She scolded me for buying a table, that she had one in storage I could have had for free. Jokingly, I said, "you got a bed in there? I need one of those." Her reply, "Yes! You can even pick it up tonight."
In the midst of this exchange I had completely forgotten this witty exchange with God from Saturday. But it was momentary, because as I sat down at my desk, God said, "see, I told you to ask for a bed."
He does indeed care about the small things like furniture. He has a brilliant sense of humor too. But more importantly, He knows I love a great story and would be meeting with someone today that needed to hear my curious story about praying for a bed. Sometimes, the more curious the story, the more powerful the meaning. My little prayer was answered, but more importantly, the story was just the nudge that someone else needed for a bold move in their life. Brilliant..
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