Tomorrow, I head back to Africa to reclaim my heart.
I look back over the past year and it has been extraordinary. If you had asked me this time last year if I would ever go to Africa, I would have told you no. Not that I didn't think it would be a fun visit at some time, it just was not on my radar of places I wanted to go on vacation. Not that I am not up for adventure, this one just wasn't the forefront adventure on my mind.
God has an interesting plan though...last November, I had the chance to go with five friends to begin the journey of learning how to reclaim the dignity of those with AIDS through IGA's. If it is not already on your schedule, mark it now - May 29th -7pm-10pm - the story of our journey will be told through a gallery show at Warehouse 242 called: Making AIDS Work: Stories of Beauty and Affliction. Prior to going, I could not fathom the injustice, pain and suffering that we would see, nor could I foresee the pain and questions that it would bring into my life. But, I did know that what we would see would be hard and that it would change how I see the world. What I did not know, is that in the midst of that hell, I would see beauty that I have yet to put words to. This gallery show tells the story I have not been able to tell. Please go.
So why Zimbabwe? We have narrowed in on Zimbabwe and Malawi as viable candidates for an IGA and we have the opportunity to not only meet with the leaders in place, but also to take a look at the projects that they are proposing that we support. At this moment, I am excited, overwhelmed, fragile. It is hard to wrap my head around a hell worse than what I experienced in November, but yet that is what I am about to do.
A friend wrote me some beautiful words this week. At the core, the message is this: Whatever, Him-ever. I love it. I have only an inkling of what I am about to experience, but I am humbled at the opportunity and know that whatever I do encounter, God is in the midst of it.
If I have the chance as I am traveling, I am going to send a post to "X" and she will post an update for me. But, if not before, I look forward to sharing the journey with you when I return. Let the journey begin.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Sometimes...
Sometimes....
You have someone in your life that is really frustrating you.
And you are sure that when you see them next, you are probably going to tell them off and punch them in the face.
Hypothetically of course, because I am a lady and could not throw a punch if my life depended on it.
And then they surprise you. When you see them next, they charm your pants off.
And then you are completely perplexed.
Were you imagining it all? Did you really have cause to be frustrated?
Oh well, give me 24 hours, the charm will wear off and I will want to punch them in the face again.
Hypothetically of course, because I am a lady and could not throw a punch if my life depended on it.
You have someone in your life that is really frustrating you.
And you are sure that when you see them next, you are probably going to tell them off and punch them in the face.
Hypothetically of course, because I am a lady and could not throw a punch if my life depended on it.
And then they surprise you. When you see them next, they charm your pants off.
And then you are completely perplexed.
Were you imagining it all? Did you really have cause to be frustrated?
Oh well, give me 24 hours, the charm will wear off and I will want to punch them in the face again.
Hypothetically of course, because I am a lady and could not throw a punch if my life depended on it.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
There is a Time and a Place
There is a time and a place.
Imagine with me if you will, Easter Sunday in an area church which will not be identified. (Was not in my home church, those of you who think you are clever)
It is communion time. All churches do this differently - this particular church calls you up by row, starting in the back of the church. A college aged boy decides as he is waiting, that this is the perfect time to discuss his current class load and a particular class he is interested in. He discusses the syllabus, current projects, grades, etc.
Meanwhile, communion is going on. People are crying, hugging, lost in a moment that means a lot to them.
The worship band is singing.
This guy is still behind me having the above conversation, not even bothering to whisper.
I go up for communion, come back, he is still talking. I think he may have even missed his row going up for communion.
I go to the restroom, shooting him a not so kind look, pleading for him to shut up. It's not only inappropriate and disrespectful, but have we discussed that I could care less about his school work???
I come back, he is still talking.
Communion finishes, the pastor calls everyone to worship, we stand up...he is still talking.
I turn around and say, "Excuse me, do you realize how disrespectful this is?"
He apologizes, moves one row back to CONTINUE his conversation, and I get scolded by my mom!
There is a time and a place.
Imagine with me if you will, Easter Sunday in an area church which will not be identified. (Was not in my home church, those of you who think you are clever)
It is communion time. All churches do this differently - this particular church calls you up by row, starting in the back of the church. A college aged boy decides as he is waiting, that this is the perfect time to discuss his current class load and a particular class he is interested in. He discusses the syllabus, current projects, grades, etc.
Meanwhile, communion is going on. People are crying, hugging, lost in a moment that means a lot to them.
The worship band is singing.
This guy is still behind me having the above conversation, not even bothering to whisper.
I go up for communion, come back, he is still talking. I think he may have even missed his row going up for communion.
I go to the restroom, shooting him a not so kind look, pleading for him to shut up. It's not only inappropriate and disrespectful, but have we discussed that I could care less about his school work???
I come back, he is still talking.
Communion finishes, the pastor calls everyone to worship, we stand up...he is still talking.
I turn around and say, "Excuse me, do you realize how disrespectful this is?"
He apologizes, moves one row back to CONTINUE his conversation, and I get scolded by my mom!
There is a time and a place.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
God's Watch
Last night, I went to the Tenebrae service at W242. It is one of my favorite events of the year as we trek through those moments on the cross. It is a dark service that is full of original writings, original songs and scripture that highlights the story in a unique way that makes it hard to catch your breath.
I have always wished I had a "God's Watch". This term was coined a long time ago with friends as we wished that we knew when the things we desired the most would happen. We decided that if we had God's watch and knew when "it" was going to happen, we could certainly be content in the interim.
As I was experiencing the service last night, a journal entry was read. The author shared a time in her life that life seemed disposable to her as there was nothing to live for. In the midst of recklessness, a mentor gave her hope: 2009. He shared with her that 2009 was the year that he would retire and that he had a vision of her walking up to his house with her husband and child. Things obviously did not change immediately, but she suddenly had something to live for and began to found joy in life.
I felt a shiver. You see, as much as I love this service, I did not want to go. I felt a battle throughout the day of wanting to experience a moment that means a lot to me in the year and being in the midst of community. But when I have been on the road and away from my community, I get used to being a loner and it is hard to fall back into routine. And in the midst of that, I am in a season - a season where God is real in a new way I have not experienced before. There are moments I feel like I am hanging on by a thread and others that I feel wrapped in warmth.
We all have desires. The dreams for ourselves that can make us feel lonely in a crowd of people because they are unmet. I want God's Watch.
I felt a shiver. I was supposed to be there. I may not be given a year written on a piece of paper with a vision of the future, but I was supposed to hear the hope in that story.
I am not forgotten. You are not forgotten. The love affair began with the ultimate sacrifice on that cross and He has not forgotten about us since. Gods Watch. I don't have it, but know there is certainly a plan in place. It is more extraordinary than you or I could ever imagine.
I have always wished I had a "God's Watch". This term was coined a long time ago with friends as we wished that we knew when the things we desired the most would happen. We decided that if we had God's watch and knew when "it" was going to happen, we could certainly be content in the interim.
As I was experiencing the service last night, a journal entry was read. The author shared a time in her life that life seemed disposable to her as there was nothing to live for. In the midst of recklessness, a mentor gave her hope: 2009. He shared with her that 2009 was the year that he would retire and that he had a vision of her walking up to his house with her husband and child. Things obviously did not change immediately, but she suddenly had something to live for and began to found joy in life.
I felt a shiver. You see, as much as I love this service, I did not want to go. I felt a battle throughout the day of wanting to experience a moment that means a lot to me in the year and being in the midst of community. But when I have been on the road and away from my community, I get used to being a loner and it is hard to fall back into routine. And in the midst of that, I am in a season - a season where God is real in a new way I have not experienced before. There are moments I feel like I am hanging on by a thread and others that I feel wrapped in warmth.
We all have desires. The dreams for ourselves that can make us feel lonely in a crowd of people because they are unmet. I want God's Watch.
I felt a shiver. I was supposed to be there. I may not be given a year written on a piece of paper with a vision of the future, but I was supposed to hear the hope in that story.
I am not forgotten. You are not forgotten. The love affair began with the ultimate sacrifice on that cross and He has not forgotten about us since. Gods Watch. I don't have it, but know there is certainly a plan in place. It is more extraordinary than you or I could ever imagine.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Love Languages
In my effort to begin a time out, I venture into a holiday weekend - 4 days off of no work, no responsibilities and no plans. It is bizarre - truly. I am so used to having everything mapped out and am in foreign territory! But, I am off to a great start.
I took off a bit early today to begin the experience and was able to have a relaxing lunch outside with one of my best friends, and we loved the sunshine so much, we headed to the park to pop a squat and continue to catch up and relax in the sun. It was great. Interestingly enough, we began to talk about love languages. I had recently studied this in my Wednesday night small group and have been thinking about it some. We discussed what ours was, and not only did it lead to quality conversation, but it was affirmation of how important this time is for me. My love language is time. But how is anybody able to give me the gift of time if I don't stop?
...aha....now we are getting somewhere...
I took off a bit early today to begin the experience and was able to have a relaxing lunch outside with one of my best friends, and we loved the sunshine so much, we headed to the park to pop a squat and continue to catch up and relax in the sun. It was great. Interestingly enough, we began to talk about love languages. I had recently studied this in my Wednesday night small group and have been thinking about it some. We discussed what ours was, and not only did it lead to quality conversation, but it was affirmation of how important this time is for me. My love language is time. But how is anybody able to give me the gift of time if I don't stop?
...aha....now we are getting somewhere...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Time Out
My world recently, has been a world wind. I am finally home for good for awhile, and am grateful, because for once in a very long time, I am pausing. Have you ever gotten so busy, you try to figure out how you got so busy in the first place? So, I am calling a time out to everything - we will see how that goes...
So where have I been? What has been going on? Here is a glimpse and some incomplete thoughts...
Memphis and Chantilly for events.
Pawley's for a wedding.
Hanging out with friends at a wedding. Funny stories of the past in the midst of vino and dancing can make for a big evening. And traveling with a dear friend and catching up on life can energize the soul and remind you that when you feel the house is against you, she will always be there.
Had to get a new car. I have had temper tantrums that could rival a child's as I try to figure out all the gadgets. I might as well be trying to figure out a spaceship. I am positive it could drive itself.
My house got broken into while I was away on one of my trips. They did a lot of damage for a printer. I am sure they were cussing once they worked so hard to get into my house only to find old tv's and not very fancy electronics.
Excitement as the Tarheels show the country they are indeed #1 and have the "one shining moment" that they deserve.
Good talks with friends via phone when I am on the road. Makes me feel connected and grateful, and they make me laugh long into the night.
Show stories - it makes no sense to try and tell them. But what you should know is that even though the stories or the world that I live in makes no sense to you, it is quirky and funny. I could seriously write a book.
I have stepped down from boards, committee's and other commitments in the effort to follow my self-induced time out. I am struggling with knowing that this is the right thing to do and good for me and feeling like I am letting people down.
I met with a new friend today. We had a good conversation that pierced my soul. I think I will keep this person around awhile.
Have started the book, The Shack. I have heard it is a wonderful story and full of layers, but speaking of pauses...there is cause for a pause when reading the forward which says, "I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships, so will our healing. And I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside."
This is a forward that is so timely as we celebrate the ultimate sacrifice this week. The sacrifice that is our healing and leaves us in awe of His grace.
So where have I been? What has been going on? Here is a glimpse and some incomplete thoughts...
Memphis and Chantilly for events.
Pawley's for a wedding.
Hanging out with friends at a wedding. Funny stories of the past in the midst of vino and dancing can make for a big evening. And traveling with a dear friend and catching up on life can energize the soul and remind you that when you feel the house is against you, she will always be there.
Had to get a new car. I have had temper tantrums that could rival a child's as I try to figure out all the gadgets. I might as well be trying to figure out a spaceship. I am positive it could drive itself.
My house got broken into while I was away on one of my trips. They did a lot of damage for a printer. I am sure they were cussing once they worked so hard to get into my house only to find old tv's and not very fancy electronics.
Excitement as the Tarheels show the country they are indeed #1 and have the "one shining moment" that they deserve.
Good talks with friends via phone when I am on the road. Makes me feel connected and grateful, and they make me laugh long into the night.
Show stories - it makes no sense to try and tell them. But what you should know is that even though the stories or the world that I live in makes no sense to you, it is quirky and funny. I could seriously write a book.
I have stepped down from boards, committee's and other commitments in the effort to follow my self-induced time out. I am struggling with knowing that this is the right thing to do and good for me and feeling like I am letting people down.
I met with a new friend today. We had a good conversation that pierced my soul. I think I will keep this person around awhile.
Have started the book, The Shack. I have heard it is a wonderful story and full of layers, but speaking of pauses...there is cause for a pause when reading the forward which says, "I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships, so will our healing. And I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside."
This is a forward that is so timely as we celebrate the ultimate sacrifice this week. The sacrifice that is our healing and leaves us in awe of His grace.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I Hate Packing
I hate packing for destination weddings. There are tons of events, and you are left to figure out what typical protocol would be for attire vs. what you actually think people are going to dress in. Here's some examples:
Welcome reception at a local popular dockside restaraunt on coastal waterway - 9pm Friday evening -
typical protocol if there on your own time - cute jeans, cute sassy top and heels.
potential pitfalls with protocol - people have traveled into town in comfy jean attire; wedding party dressed up a bit from rehearsal and dinner; group that has not left sorority world mentality and going to where cute black dress like they are going down town.
Wedding Day Brunch at Beach Club
typical protocol - skirt and sweater set
potential pitfalls with protocol - same group overdressing, wedding party underdressed because they are about to head to grooming appointments, people dressed in golf attire.
Wedding at 5:00 NOT 6:00
typical protocol - who the heck knows, because 5:00 is the most confusing time when everyone gets it wrong....
potential downfalls with protocol - guests dressed in 6:00 evening gown attire (and we have established already there is a large group of overachievers); guests who wear their sunday best; those of us trying to find that special balance in between the two.
Now...mix in beach, cold weather, rainy weather, and warm weather...and packing officially becomes a disaster. Which is why I am blogging instead of packing. Guess I better get to it.
Welcome reception at a local popular dockside restaraunt on coastal waterway - 9pm Friday evening -
typical protocol if there on your own time - cute jeans, cute sassy top and heels.
potential pitfalls with protocol - people have traveled into town in comfy jean attire; wedding party dressed up a bit from rehearsal and dinner; group that has not left sorority world mentality and going to where cute black dress like they are going down town.
Wedding Day Brunch at Beach Club
typical protocol - skirt and sweater set
potential pitfalls with protocol - same group overdressing, wedding party underdressed because they are about to head to grooming appointments, people dressed in golf attire.
Wedding at 5:00 NOT 6:00
typical protocol - who the heck knows, because 5:00 is the most confusing time when everyone gets it wrong....
potential downfalls with protocol - guests dressed in 6:00 evening gown attire (and we have established already there is a large group of overachievers); guests who wear their sunday best; those of us trying to find that special balance in between the two.
Now...mix in beach, cold weather, rainy weather, and warm weather...and packing officially becomes a disaster. Which is why I am blogging instead of packing. Guess I better get to it.
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