WALLIN

Waiting for Trains

2011-11-01T14:51:00.000-07:00

As I was driving home today, I took the usual path that included a quick shortcut that is supposed to all but park my car in my driveway for me. But instead of allowing me to get home more quickly, I found myself having to stop as there was a major backup from a train passing through on a cross street.

I quickly assessed the situation and decided I would turn into a apartment complex as I was sure they had a entrance that would help me to bypass the traffic and get home. I turned in and went one direction, and hit a dead end. Went another direction and discovered another dead end. The third available direction dumped me onto Wendover Rd., in the complete opposite direction and it required me to make a left turn into ridiculous 5:00 traffic without a stop light to aide me. By the time I made it back to my original starting point, I was already plotting another brilliant alternative, only to discover, the train had made it's way through and the traffic jam was gone. If only I had been patient for a few minutes, I could have avoided a lot of frustration.

Sound familiar? In my world today, it's a tangible reminder from God to be still and to quit trying to fix it, figure out short cuts or think I can do it better. Clearly, I mess it up. I don't know about you, but I feel like I am waiting for a couple of trains right now. Daily, I find myself plotting on how to move around them, through them, over them - anything but wait for them to pass.

If I had just waited at the stop in the traffic jam today, I would have been home earlier than my short cut. I wonder ... how much do I delay His plan by my plan?

Beauty

2011-10-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

"never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting." -r.w. emerson

God's beauty is seen in many things, but I have been acutely aware recently of how God's beauty shows up in the midst of ashes. As I look around, there is a lot of "hard" going on - God's up to something - I plan on having a front row seat.

I'm Not That Kind of Girl

2011-10-10T16:02:00.001-07:00

So, here’s the truth. I am not the “I go to coffee shops and hang out and write kind of girl.” I don’t know of an apt description to substitute in that sentence either, but I know that I am not that. Yet, here I am sitting and doing just that. The funny thing is that it has become a conscious decision recently to do this. This is my second time recently making the effort to go and “just be” in a public place. In both instances, the decision has come after a couple of days of thinking in passing that I should go to the coffee shop, and in a split second decision, it suddenly becomes d-day and I can’t get there fast enough. The drive seems to be full of obstacles and not a straight shot, and I end up in each instance, also in the worst seat in the house.

But this is what I also know. My life has changed completely. With the exception of my mailing address, everything is different in my life than it was last year. I began this year with one word on my mind – advent. I loved this word for the year 2011 – because at its core, it’s meaning is beauty to me – hopeful for things to come. And in the great way that God does things, this word, which I prayed for, intersects with my life verse, “She is clothed with grace and dignity and she smiles at the future.” (Pr. 31:25) And so I am hopeful, I am in advent.

But if I am truthful, I am also afraid. In September, I laid my dog down. And while I miss her terribly, I find myself realizing that in a strange way, she had become my security blanket. No matter what life threw at me, she was there. And beyond the obvious mourning of her absence in my life, I feel fragile. The kind of fragile one feels if they leave their home and realize 20 minutes down the road that they forgot their cell phone fragile. And in that moment, you feel like you are missing out on the most important event in the world because you don’t have your cell phone at your finger tips and also realizing at any second, you could get in a terrible accident and the EMT’s won’t be able to look up you’re ICE contact because you don’t have your cell phone on you. And the weight of both, has you feeling all alone.

A friend of mine recently shared with me a nugget of truth that a kind stranger had shared with her. Change it up. Do it differently. You are the common denominator. If one thing isn’t working, change it up. And maybe that’s what my new obsession with writing at a Starbuck’s is all about. I could simply say, I don’t want to be at home right now with the memories. And, that would be true.

But deep down, I know it is more. I know that in the midst of fragile seasons, God shows you beauty far more imaginative than you could ever imagine for yourself. I know and cling to the fact that I am in a season of advent, so I am choosing to smile at the future. And sometimes, that choice happens from the corner table at Starbucks. Feel free to stop by and say hello.

When I Met Pure Sunshine

2011-08-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, a beautiful woman went home to be with the Lord. Her name was Sydney. I met her once and it was like meeting pure sunshine. And when I met her, while I hadn't known her name before that moment, I knew exactly who she was as I had watched her for sometime.

See, I am new to this place. It was her home. And while I didn't know who she was, or what was ravaging her body, I watched her from afar each Sunday as her church family individually came to check on her throughout the service. And each time, the tables were turned as she became the counselor, the cheerleader, the sister, the friend. And the love that she lavished on her family in those moments was so abundant, that a shy, new girl was captivated each Sunday from the sidelines watching.

In late July, I had my chance meeting with her. I arrived late for church, with my much needed Starbucks in hand, looking for my friend who had saved me a seat. Sitting on the other side of her was the sunshine I had been watching since February when I first noticed her, and true to form, she was just as bright and warm and larger than life as she had seemed. It was obvious she had been dealing with a lot that morning, but all of the world was tossed to the side as she gave me one of the warmest welcomes I have ever experienced.

That was my first and my last encounter with Sydney. But as I watch the tears fall on Facebook from those who knew and loved her, I am struck with sadness for the person I wish I would have known. I am in awe of the evident impact she had on so many people.

This is the moment where words are never adequate. When you hold tightly to a loved one and the embrace is not long enough. As Christians, we have hope knowing that she is healed and with Jesus. As humans that have only experienced this earth, our hearts ache for our beloved. It is where the heart and the mind disconnect.

Anne Lamott once wrote, "You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp."

There are many broken hearts this week. But maybe, part of dancing with a limp is also living out the legacy that Sydney left behind. I was allowed a small glimpse into an amazing life. But in one brief encounter, I wanted to be more gracious and welcoming to others. I wanted to be less shy so that I could love others more extravagantly. I wanted to let go of the world and be more in the moment. All of this, from a few mere moments of conversation with Sunshine. Imagine if we all stepped forward with her lessons and lived out her legacy.

I Need a Do Over This Morning

2011-06-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

My Facebook status today? "I need a do over this morning."

It's late afternoon and this feeling is still bubbling up within me. So much so, that I felt that I needed to pause for 5 minutes. The truth is that I have gotten a lot done today, but on a normal day, I would have gotten twice the amount done. And since I am a true planner and my day is measured by the amount of items I have checked off my list, I am left still wanting.

We all have days like this don't we? We don't have to begin the day in crisis. Hear me, nothing drastic happened. It just began in tiredness, wanting to savor more time asleep. A groggy morning that I never seemed to find my footing. At one point, I made the journey to Starbucks with the hopes to salvage the day. I left with the coffee but I also left with the stench of dog poop, courtesy of stepping into a present that an owner was too lazy to pick up.

So, as I sit here for five minutes trying to gain the energy and perspective to take the next step forward, I find myself not knowing where that will come from, but grateful that I start each day fresh. And perhaps in this thinking, I channel my inner southern girl/ aka Scarlett O'Hara attitude of saving it for another day. But maybe, I just am resting in a scrumptious promise from my heavenly daddy and knowledge that I can really take that deep breath, because He truly does have this. All of it.

Praying Through the Hills and the Valleys

2011-05-04T15:12:00.000-07:00

Several months ago, I started the below blog post. I logged on today to share what I am feeling right now, and in doing so, my eyes saw this unfinished post. It's interesting that this moment of clarity below led me to sharing my current journey with friends more transparently than I typically would. Not because there is shame in transparency, its just the way I was raised and a cycle I am trying to break. But, this sequence of events along with some other unfolding puzzle pieces made me want to allow others into this particular chapter. The truth is, that I got some bad news this week that was a blow to my ego and my heart. But these people, my dearest, who had been praying with me, they were there on the other side. I could text one line and they knew exactly how I was feeling on the other side. And as texts, emails and phone calls have come in, I have felt an overwhelming amount of gratefulness and blessing. As one friend put it, "I am disappointed with you." They are sharing the burden my heart feels now, and when a time of good news comes, they will rejoice with me in that moment too. I hope you have this same community of friends too... it's priceless.

In the meantime, here is the original blog post. If its been brewing for a few months now, it has to be worth the read, right?

I had a moment this morning. You, know the one. The one where a sequence of events come together like perfectly fit puzzle pieces. The one where you buy a vowel and get a clue. Let me back up and explain.

One of my dearest has been dealing with a challenge recently that if not overcome, has a serious impact to the season that God has them in. In short, it is a complete spiritual attack. But instead of freaking out, they chose another path, trusting in God and calling their closest to join them in prayer on the matter.

The call for prayer and trusting that God would intervene came through an email, and in the days that followed friends rose to the challenge. They prayed, they sent scripture, they sent supporting emails... and while I was "part" of the email chain, I sat in awe for a reason that I could not explain. There was something about it that struck my core, a thought at the edge of my brain that was tickling its way to the front, screaming to be known. And suddenly it hit me.

How often do we really trust God with the details? Really. Take the spiritual church talk and toss it out the window, how often do you really trust God with the details? I think we often talk about praying through a situation, and we may even be saying the prayer, but the words must support the actions. You see, I watched my friend look at a really hard situation before them. There were many options on how to approach the situation, but first they chose to pray. First, they chose to call their closest to pray with them. Don't get me wrong, we have responsibility in the matters of this world too. This particular situation involved research and certain steps of action, but in the end only God can change the heart of man, part a red sea, and change the impossible.

In the midst of this, I received another email from a dear friend who is doing great things in African business. I am blessed enough to be able to partner with her and pray on a weekly basis. Today's email, had a passage from Psalm 47 - "Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy." Along with this came a brilliant epiphany, "Whatever we do, it is to celebrate God. As we pray together, we celebrate."

I love the concept that I am celebrating God when I pray. And it is also a reminder to come to Him in all things. At the beginning of this year, I was reading in 1 Kings. There was a section where God punishes a group of people because they did not believe that God was the God of the hills and the God of the valley's. I felt convicted. It's not that I don't believe that God is God of all things - including both the hills and valleys of life, but I don't know that my actions always subscribe to this. I am at His feet when life is hard, but I am not always at His feet when life is good. And I want to celebrate Him in all seasons.

A Little Lesson In Prayer

2011-03-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

God has been teaching me a lot about prayer recently.

In recent months, I have been trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my spare bedroom. Office? Guest bedroom? Combination of both? In the meantime, I have casually been looking at Craigslist, Antique Stores, and Consignment Stores with the intent of being inspired and a love for "the search". I am an independent girl, so my thought process is, if I want it, I will buy it. That simple. As I was driving around the Queen City on Saturday, my brain flipped to the spare bedroom agenda again, and I heard God asking, "why don't you ask me?"

My immediate response was, "For a bed? Really God? I am sure you have much bigger things to deal with other than furniture for my spare bedroom ... I've heard my list lately." I dismissed the thought and moved onto another one, which was short lived because God once again replied back, "ask me for it."

Not sure exactly how I worded it, but I am sure it was a bit bratty mixed with a dose of awe and question marks that God wanted me to ask for furniture. But I did. I asked him to do His thing and provide me a bed for the guest bedroom. That my desire is to live out that it is not my home but His, and as such, I want to have a bed for people to sleep on.

Fast forward to Monday morning and a conversation with a childhood friend. I was telling her about my dining room table I purchased recently. She scolded me for buying a table, that she had one in storage I could have had for free. Jokingly, I said, "you got a bed in there? I need one of those." Her reply, "Yes! You can even pick it up tonight."

In the midst of this exchange I had completely forgotten this witty exchange with God from Saturday. But it was momentary, because as I sat down at my desk, God said, "see, I told you to ask for a bed."

He does indeed care about the small things like furniture. He has a brilliant sense of humor too. But more importantly, He knows I love a great story and would be meeting with someone today that needed to hear my curious story about praying for a bed. Sometimes, the more curious the story, the more powerful the meaning. My little prayer was answered, but more importantly, the story was just the nudge that someone else needed for a bold move in their life. Brilliant..

VDay

2011-02-14T12:11:00.000-08:00

Today's Valentine's Day. Around me, there are girlfriends knee deep in flowers and declarations of love and than those who are not. On the whole, this day is not the single girls friend. Here's the confession though - I have never had a great Valentine's day when I have been in a relationship. Ever. Different reasons for different years. There was the year we were on the fast track to calling it quits and going through the motions. Or another year that I received a crock pot as a present (and if you are wondering, we did not last long after this). Or other years that the hype just didn't match the day.

The truth is, that we put a lot of focus on love on a day, that in essence, is a bit ironic, because you should be showing that you care for this person the rest of the year too, right?

Anyway, I have found it an interesting day to watch my other single girlfriends. For many, it is a day full of angst and loathe; it is the day that calls out their greatest desire and that they still don't have it and they find themselves depressed and self medicating with chocolate. And for others, its just another day. Admittedly, I have been in both camps, but I am in a season that yes, my desire is to eventually get married and have a family one day, but I am grateful also for the season God has me in too.

The truth is, as I walked through Target on Saturday, I was grateful that I did not have to pick up that card, and figure out that perfect present and outfit. I looked around me and I saw people rushing around trying to figure out the final details. It was reminiscent of the final moments of Christmas Eve. And I was just enjoying the day...

But, I do also think the key is not the choreographed plans and stuff that comes with it, but the meaning behind it too. I was talking with a friend recently and we were saying the best gifts we have ever received were the ones that maybe didn't cost a lot but touched the core of who we are, the most recent for me, being some cd's a bestie burned for me. They know I love music and introduced me to some new music which has stayed in constant rotation since.

But for the record:
I will never turn down roses, but I would rather have some hydrangeas, tulips, or some wildflowers.
I don't need a Hallmark card, I need the words though - but I am fine if they are written on a scrap piece of paper. I will save it forever.
I don't need a fancy restaurant, in fact I prefer the hole in the wall or cooking together.
I don't need a choreographed event - we could play a game, watch a movie, even play a game of putt putt. For me, my love language is time, not the price you spent.

Which brings me back to this point - all of the above preferences, those closest to me could tell you this stuff. Maybe not the exact preference on the flowers, but the rest, they would tell you in a heartbeat. And, I am blessed to have a handful of dearest around me that know the core of who I am and love me in these ways all year long, and for that I am grateful.

So what am I doing tonight? Having a yummy dinner with a dear friend. A girl couldn't ask for better plans.

Snow Day Musings

2011-01-10T12:41:00.000-08:00

If you are in the Queen City today and don't know it is not snowing, you (a) live under a rock, and (b) clearly are not on Facebook. As people post the obvious and their pictures of fun, I feel a little bit like scrooge. I love looking at it but I don't have an appreciation for it. Maybe its because I am in a household of one and there is not someone here to play with me. Maybe its because I have to walk a dog in it. Maybe its because I live in a world where there is not a clear cut snow day policy. Maybe its because I have a 2WD car because I am a Southerner and didn't worry about 4WD in the car buying decision and thus, have a healthy fear of driving in it. Or perhaps its because I am a girl and the joy of playing in it lasts for a mere moment before I realize it is cold, wet and dare I say it, dirty? Yeah, I went there.

But here's the other thing, it forces you to be still for a day. You don't have the busyness of work. The multiple to do's of your day are canceled - lunch plans with friends to celebrate a birthday, baby shower for a friend, work out class. And let's face it, while these people do exist, how many people do you know that use a snow day for chores? Snow days breed pajamas, hot cocoa, curling up with a fabulous book and watching movies. All of these things are great and worthy in the right time, but it happens to be a day that I needed productivity to exist and a lot of stuff needed to happen.

Yet, I am here. Writing. Snow day musings. And the windfall will continue the rest of the week as I try to take a day missed and roll it into the next four. Only we don't know what tomorrow brings with the snow and ice. That's right, confession, I am stressing a bit. But, I am trying to make the effort to realize that there is a reason for pause and appreciate the quiet and this sweet puppy curled up beside of me.

Goodbye and Hello

2010-12-29T16:41:00.000-08:00

Christmas is over, and this is the time of year that everyone looks forward, counting the ways they want to be different in the coming year. The ways to make themselves better. And as the clock strikes 12, and we move forward a year, we have barely taken a breath and the house is already stacked against us in achieving said goals.

I have mentioned often in recent posts that this year has been a hard one full of change. Each year I come up with a theme rather than a list of resolutions. This theme becomes my mission statement for the year and a standard of sorts as I wade through the big and small decisions of the daily grind. What I did know at this time last year, was that it would be a year full of changes. I sensed that God had much in store for me, and it would involve bold steps forward. What I did not realize, was that "goodbye" would become the official word of 2010.

What I have learned about the word goodbye is this-
It is hard
It is painful
It involves making some of the hardest decisions you feel like you will ever make
It undoubtedly will involve some tears - maybe a lot
It is freeing

The last statement might surprise you to read... goodbye = freedom? I guess, the only way I know to describe it is by saying that sometimes, you don't realize the weight you are carrying around. And in the incremental process that you begin to let things go, you take a deep breath and find joy in unexpected places.

I am not sure yet what the theme will be for this year. But, I do know that I will say goodbye to 2010 knowing that I not only moved boldly and upheld my theme, but I also achieved some goals that I have been carrying around with me for quite a few years. I lived this year - every moment - good and bad.

2011 does have one word that emerges as I step into it though, the word hope. I have a sense of anticipation and am very excited about what 2011 will bring. In the midst of that hope, this verse from Jeremiah, makes my heart full:

"Before you saw the light of the sun, I knew the way I would send you."

I am not sure what the next year will bring me, but I know that God is an amazing Author.

Hello, 2011.

A New Reason to be Thankful

2010-11-24T20:39:00.000-08:00

Confession. I have a list of blogs I follow everyday, and if there isn't a post, I get frustrated. Yes, you are seeing the date right of my last post, and it wasn't yesterday.... It's kind of crazy that we keep up with each other in this way right?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. And many people look forward to this holiday for many reasons. The turkey. Kickoff to all things Christmas. Black Friday super sales. Growing up, I had an advantage that many of my friends did not. I have never had to travel for the holidays - my family is in town. I have taken this for granted. As kids, I guess this is not such a big deal because its the frustration of road tripping it with the family again which is not cool at the time. But as an adult, you are separated by states not only from parents, but also siblings and friends. And some friends, become family too. The distance is hard and you miss you're loved ones.

Today I had a fabulous day. My bestie was home and we raced go carts, channeled our inner Arnold Palmer over putt putt and even hit the batting cages. Good silly fun. And the laughter and fun continued for a walk through Cotswold, and then dinner and a movie with friends. If that's not enough for the heart to skip a beat, in the midst of it, I found out my brother is coming home for a quick visit. I haven't seen him since July and I am sure I will be a bit weepy before I can even find the words.

Two visits from two of my fav people combined with a weekend of time with my family and friends. Deliriously happy. And the weeks to come involve more visits. Suddenly, the holidays for me are all about visits and seeing my people I love and adore in the same zip code.

And suddenly it makes sense why we follow those blogs. Because we miss our people - even those in the same city. A price cannot be placed on an afternoon of laughing and sharing your heart. But sometimes, a blog entry or Facebook post is as close as it gets until the next phone call or visit.

Pushing the "On" Button

2010-10-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

Today as I was cleaning, I had an epiphany. I adore music, and for about 2 months now, I have thought that my ipod docking station was broken. I have literally listened to one docking station to its death already and just assumed, I had gone through another one. And, since life has been busy recently, I just kind of left the issue untouched and made the mental note to get a new one next time I was out shopping. Circle back around to some quick Saturday cleaning, and I realized that the simple fix was pushing the on button.

As I did an assessment of my lack of intelligence in this moment, I also connected some puzzle pieces that have been on the brain this week.

So its complete common sense right? We all know that 1+2=3. For every action there is a reaction. In this case, regularity + time with God = great blessing. Somehow, I forget this sometimes as I get consumed with the busyness of life. Its not that time isn't being spent with God, but it can look more like a desperate grab of five minutes somedays as opposed to some intentional time with my first love.

As I began this week, I faced some new goals that will take front seat for awhile. I came home on Monday and knew that the only person who can make these goals happen was me and I had to begin the first steps that evening. I did the rituals when I got home. Put down my purse. Grabbed something to drink. Walked and fed the dog. And as I chose to begin my first steps, my eyes skipped over the needed tools to my Bible and a book that I have been flirting with reading for awhile. And I felt my heart skip a beat. God was calling me back to His word saying please find me first.

And as usual, He had the words I wanted to hear. That I needed. I began reading my book, and these words screamed at me, I want to "live out a vigorous, grateful faith." And as I planned to read in Daniel, God steered me to I Samuel and reoriented me with Hannah's story. Her endless supply of faith and God's blessing upon her and her desires.

I listened to a sermon recently where the pastor spoke of how we pray to the Lord. One of his points was, that we often ask God in our prayer to bless us and fix the situation at hand. But here was the grand slam of the point at hand. God has already blessed us - even in the most broken moments, He has not only blessed us but already answered our prayer. And to suggest otherwise, is a bit of a slap in the face. Don't get me wrong. I think that God knows our hearts and He loves that we are spending time with Him, but imagine if you really claimed His promises and lived out a vigorous, grateful faith.... I think life for us all would look a bit different.

The thing is, it is really that hard and really that simple. I think in its complexity, our confusion in the matter comes down to personal idols. Timothy Keller wrote, “We become like what we worship,” and too often, our currency of existence is rooted in false idols instead of God. "If we choose to fall into weakness (like Jesus) and say, 'Father, into your hands, I commit my spirit', (Luke 23:46) there will be growth, a change, and a resurrection."

Hannah prayed, “My heart exults in the Lord; my strength is exulted in the Lord. My mouth derides my enemies, because I rejoice in your salvation.” (1 Sam 2:1) She didn't ask for Him to show up, she trusted that He was already there.

It's as simple as pushing the on button on my docking station. It's as hard as saying the words in your mind and in your heart. But "behavioral compliance to rules without a complete change of heart will be superficial and fleeting". I want to live out a vigorous, grateful faith. I need to turn the button on.

A Legacy Lost

2010-10-24T14:48:00.000-07:00

If you understand the order, "small block, southern style with cheese," then you have had the guilty pleasure of eating at The Penguin in the Queen City. Though its only been open since 2001, it is hard to imagine it having never been in Charlotte - simply put, its a Charlotte staple - until today.

Last night was a rowdy night in the Queen city in celebration of yours truly's birthday. And, since I adore all things hamburgers and fried pickles, it seemed only natural to celebrate my actual birthday today at my favorite dive. As we pulled in, we knew something was different just looking at the place. Media was present with their cameras. A cop was outside looking for trouble, and a band of Hells Angels were on the perimeter establishing a ring of protection. And then we had the aha moment.

Only a month ago, the official announcement was made that The Penguin would be closing in what seemed to be a business deal gone bad. While the full story has yet to surface, we know that The Penguin neither owned the name nor the building, and the owner of those elements have negotiated them out of their legacy. The hows and whys are a jumble of confusion, but it looks as though a 3rd party will run The Penguin. The group that was running it until now are left with ownership of what was The Diamond, another Charlotte staple, and are mum on what they will be doing with that building other than it will not be The Penguin menu. When the announcement was made, their was a huge public outcry of boycott and indignation, but it looks like we all forgot after the initial shock wore off. But whether or not people remember, today is the last day of The Penguin's reign in Charlotte.

It was a bittersweet scene. The fried pickles were to die for and the burger was heaven, but as I looked around, I saw a group ending an era in disgrace. Let's first be honest in admitting that there are certain required elements to work at this establishment:

Multiple Tattoo's
S&M clothing style
A love of profanity and risque humor
Working under the influence (enter a list of vices here)

All that said, they have never been known for charming the pants off of a customer, but that was part of the charm. But a biting cynical humor is one thing, defeated bitterness is another. And while a lot of Charlotte who hitched their star to the indignant bandwagon forgot the cause, they still had a crowd that showed up to display love in the final hours.

The Panthers finally won on the TV, but no cheers were made. The electric buzz had deflated. Some employees took shots to get them through. Others counted inventory of what they had left as they had been letting everything run out. As liquor ran out, they stood scratching their heads trying to figure out what liquor combination would best match the drink ordered. They would take a sip noting that it was a bad drink, but mumble that they don't care anymore and serve it to the guest anyway. When asked questions, the answers were short and to the point. There were moments of tears and holding each other when they thought no one was looking. The rough exterior of hard edge rock-n-roll disintegrating before the guests eyes.

I get it. For me, while I may be losing a favorite dive, they are losing a job, a home, a family, a cause. So its easy for me to eat my hamburger and judge. But they forgot that we loved their home too. And even if we walked in from a different side of the railroad tracks, we fully supported the cause. We had memories their too. We wanted to celebrate what was. I believe in ending seasons well. Some may have forgotten today, but imagine the larger legacy we could have remembered if they went out celebrating.

The Me I Want to Be

2010-10-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

This summer, our company went on a boat trip and there was a caricaturist present for some entertainment. Each of my fellow employees sat down for their personalized bobble head drawing and laughter ensued as we looked at the dramatized features. Finally, it was my turn and I told the artist, "make me into the woman I want to be." We all laughed as I ticked off the short list in a humorous pitch and the other women followed suit with their requests for their drawings too.

My small group is about to start a new study and the title of the book is, The Me I Want to Be >> Becoming God's Best Version of You. As I looked at this title, I immediately thought of my witty comment to the caricaturist. The reality is that I can very quickly tell you what is wrong aesthetically that I want him to draw differently, but, in the grand scheme of things, I should be way more invested in my heart and the woman God is creating me to be. Aesthetically, God already considers me perfect, His masterpiece. So as I channel my inner woman and rip apart my faults, I not only choose to criticize God's handiwork, I also stray further from becoming more like Him and closer to the matters of this world.

I turn 31 this weekend, and as I look at my 21 year old self, I am reminded not only of the many blessings in the journey thus far, but also of how much God has pursued my heart. My heart - not the perfect outfit, what I can do for Him, my status in my career, my home, my car or my wardrobe. And while I do believe God cares about the small things - his pursuit of my heart is not based on the perfect mascara to make my eyelashes longer. I am excited about diving into this study, but also thankful for the reminder. He requires that I bring my heart to the cross, He is not necessarily concerned with the outfit I wear for the journey.

On a side note, the caricaturist's version of the woman I want to be is Debbie does Dallas. Apparently, he did not understand my instructions.

eat, pray, love, goodbye

2010-09-30T18:28:00.000-07:00

I have been quiet in this forum recently. I know. The truth is that life has been loud. Busy. Hurtful. Confusing. And while I would love to write in this blog on a daily basis and be insightful and witty, sometimes, the mere notion of trying to take the inner workings of the thoughts in my head and translate them in writing or verbally, send me into a tailspin. And truthfully, sometimes, it is easy to feel like a broken record.

But, I find myself home on a Thursday night with a sweet dog cuddled up by my side and it is still and quiet in my home. It's interesting, sometimes, quietness can strangle, and others it is like a favorite, old blanket keeping you warm. Tonight, it is good and the result is me trying to put into words what has been going through my head.

I love quotes. Everyone collects things, I collect words. They are like music to my soul and one way that I feel God and I do business. I saw "Eat, Pray, Love" a while back and though there is much to unpack in this sweet film, one quote stuck with me: "Ruin is the road to transformation."

Here's the thing. God has impeccable timing. And this year has been full of being turned upside down and inside out and an unlimited membership on an emotional roller coaster. I felt like the quote from "Eat, Pray, Love" was God whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I felt like He was saying, "Darling, I'm not done yet. All of the crap, it has been worth it. There is a reason. Get excited. You don't have enough imagination to imagine how this transformation is going to turn out." And, I felt hopeful for it. I still do.

I have a friend Anthony. He writes quotes often on his Facebook page that consist of two sentences. "My Christianity says..", and "In the Kingdom..." His way of saying that this is not all folks. Look for the contrasts. See that this world has it wrong and you often get caught up in it. Recently, he wrote this, "My Christianity says the gospel is like an epic movie. In the kingdom the gospel is about God showing up and wrecking my cinematic fantasies of the soul." The "ruin", if you will that I alluded to earlier. God and I had a conversation during the holidays last year. And it consisted of many promises that resulted in one theme, you will not be in the same place next year as you are this evening. And it wasn't that I was in a horrific place, but in order for Him to do His work, I had to let go. So we, God and I, started a year to the theme of progression.

I read a blog where my friend said, "The gap between where you know you should be - with God - and where you presently stand is entirely too large." And I think this is true for many.

I have been reading Timothy Keller’s The Prodigal God. I'm not done yet, but interestingly enough, the same quote seems to be floating on many blogs that I follow. ”Human approval, professional success, power and influence, family and clan identity–all of these things serve as our heart’s “functional trust” rather than what Christ has done, and as a result we continue to be driven to a great degree by fear, anger, and a lack of self-control. You cannot change such things through mere willpower, through learning Biblical principles and trying to carry them out. We can only change permanently as we take the gospel more deeply into our understanding and into our hearts. We must feed on the gospel, as it were, digesting it and make it part of ourselves. That is how we grow.”

For myself, that growth has come from having to say goodbye to often this year. Friends moving. My brother following his dream in the army. A dear cousin losing a longtime health battle and leaving this world. Goodbye to dreams. Putting to rest feelings that need to be buried. Goodbye to situations that I have held onto for 10+ years, realizing I have held on for too long. Goodbye to some ambitions that were unworthy. The point is, the word goodbye, has been uttered more than I imagined. And while it has hurt, it has also felt good. The stripping of one's baggage results in freedom. You are able to come up and take a deep gulp of fresh air, realizing that you didn't know that you were drowning in the first place. And in the midst of that freedom, my choice is to cling to God and have faith in what He is doing in my life.

The truth is, God has already fulfilled his promise to me. I am not in the same place as I was last year when we had this specific conversation. I know we still have business to do in the remaining months of 2010, but what I have learned so far is that maybe "goodbye" is not always so bad after all.

Tired Thoughts of a Weary Girl

2010-07-27T16:15:00.000-07:00

My mind is racing. In no particular order. It's the end of a very long day and I'm trying to figure out where to dig into life at home.

Do I make dinner? It's not that I don't want to eat, I am just so tired that it would be easier just to skip it all together right now.

The anorexic dog is choosing to eat right now. For those who don't get this, my dog is crazy and eats every few days. Oh wait, she just stopped. Strike that.

The rain is pouring outside. Am I the only one that has no appreciation for it? Crazy dog is also ms. priss and will have nothing to do with walking in the rain. My plants are getting watered which is more than they would have gotten from me today. But I am drenched, and that doesn't go well with tired.

Somehow, I managed to get through Target and only spend $15 this evening. And that was for multiple items. Pigs must be flying in hell right now. The upside of Target this evening though was that school supplies are out. I'm not a student. Not a teacher either. Just a nerd that always loved brand new school supplies. And since I love writing, a fresh selection of notebooks kind of make me happy. I know wierd.

I kind of want to talk to my mom and my godmother tonight. But that takes energy to catch the moms up. I guess I will save that for tomorrow.

I will save laundry for then too.

New neighbors are moving in. Wonder what they will be like? And, I wonder if they know that the previous owner died there? Maybe they can visit me at my house and not the other way around because that kind of freaks me out.

Finally got an addy to send stuff to my brother. I am a little bit confused on what he can get since he is not really allowed to have anything right now. Need to check into that.

Wondering about a phone call and if it will happen. I wish everyone knew that patience is not a virtue I possess.

Wish I had more profound thoughts, but this is the guts right now. And yes, you wasted a couple moments of your life reading my post work thoughts. I can't be the only one though, right?

What I'm (fill in the blank)

2010-07-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

So a couple of truths you must know as I begin to write this. I brought work home tonight, and I am avoiding it at all costs. Not because I dislike it, I am one of the few that really enjoy what I do, but because I am just in the business of procrastinating this evening. Kind of like a child that is so tired that she can't sleep.

So instead, I have put up laundry. Made my bed. Not sure it matters when you are going to bed in a few hours. Returned phone calls. Facebooked. Went for a walk with a friend. And now I'm blogging like I have nothing but time on my hands. And as I was reading some other blogs, I found this cute idea, which I basically do once in awhile anyway, it just has an official format this evening.

What I’m [reading] = Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller. Its taken me awhile to dive into this one, which historically for me, means God's going to do a bit of business with me as I read it. Joy.

What I’m [also reading] = Just bought Anne of Green Gables recently. I loved this series as a child and I am rereading it purely for nostalgic reasons, but am so excited to dive into Anne's world again.

What I’m [eating] = Meat. Seriously. You read right. Doing a detox right now to get back into business after being on the road and eating crap. Purely protein this week and I couldn't be craving fresh vegi's more.

What I’m [hearing] = I'm still in love with The Rescues. If you haven't downloaded their new album yet from itunes, you are missing out. The harmony is amazing. The lyrics inspiring. And a few songs in particular spoke right into my soul. I tell you what, you listen, you share, we will dish. But you only get the goods if you dive into this love fest with me.

What I’m [writing] = I tend to privately have several writing projects always going on. That's my thing I guess. But I have recently realized in reading other blogs recently and taking stock of mine that it is really hard to stay consistent on one topic. I have also learned I am OK with that. It's OK to share my heart and occasionally share the sassy tales of my life in one forum. I think?

What I’m [missing] = My brother. I miss talking on the phone everyday. Living 100 feet away from him. And randomly hitting Starbucks up with him. I am not sure I will ever get used to this.

What I’m [loving] = My friends. I know that may sound lame to some, but I feel like I have been in one huge love fest for awhile now. My cup runneth over.

What I’m [googling] = Apple commands. I have had this dang computer for three years and still don't know how to use it. I blame it on working on a PC everyday at work, so there is no incentive or external motivation for me to learn. It may also help for me to take their free class. Just sayin'.

What I’m [watching] = BRAVO - yes it is just easier to list the entire network rather than list the shows by name. Well actually, I don't watch the artist one. Not sure it's good that I can only eliminate one show from a 10:00 prime time lineup. Also... Drop Dead Diva.

What I’m [surprised about] = God's impeccable timing. It shouldn't surprise me, I know. But He is pretty amazing.

What I’m [wondering] = How are you? How was your weekend? Any books you are finishing? Any blogs you are loving right now that I have to read? Tell me things.

Seasons and Friendships

2010-07-26T07:01:00.000-07:00

Life is full of seasons. If you are close to me at all, you know that I am a firm believer in them. Maybe it is just giving myself grace to move to a new chapter and not feel guilty, maybe it is truth - either way, I have committed to this philosophy.

7 1/2 years ago, my friends and I experienced a particular season in our lives that I know will forever be etched in our minds. We were all friends before the point, but it was like a divine collision of events that created an amazing summer and an impenetrable bond. We were six girls living in two houses, known as the Diamond House and the Cameron House. And if we weren't all hanging out at one house, then we were at the other. Every weekend, we would have a cookout at one of the houses, and on the other night, we would be at our favorite watering hole, Thomas Street Tavern. It was very rare that you saw any of us at an event without the others. We were for sure, a force to be reckoned with. And most importantly, we had an amazing summer together full of trips, silliness, pool time, party time, bar time, inside jokes and laughter.

There is something psychological about the fall. Have you ever noticed it? It's like we take time off from life in the summer and indulge in fun and then come September when the kids are heading back to school, it is like we mentally turn back on the responsibility switch and get back to business. I nor the other girls have ever been able to determine the exact moment that this happened, but I know it definitely happened in the fall. And with the change of leaves came the changing of our lives. People began being busier and time began to lapse between seeing each other. Relationships happened. The Relationship, where you know you are going to spend the rest of your life with the other person kind. And there became a balancing act between time with the girls and the future hubby. People moved. None of this is bad stuff, in fact quite the opposite, it was all good. But in a sweeping moment, the bubble of the magic moment was popped and life began again. And we mourned the time that was...a season had ended.

Today was magical though. Today we suspended time, commitments and the world and all six of us gathered. The great thing about really good friends, is that no matter how much time passes, or how much life lived, you are able to dive in like no time has passed at all. The conversation looked a bit different then it did 7 1/2 years ago. We are older. We are further in our careers. Some are considering going back to school. There are husbands, children, mortgages and lots of seasons in between. But one thing that has not changed is how much we truly love each other. It's been 3 years since we were all in one room together. I hope that it is not that long again.

When 21 Meets 30

2010-07-21T14:49:00.000-07:00

I confess, I watched the finale of The Hills, and while we all know to not tune in for deep, meaningful thought, sometimes you find inspiration in the least likely spaces.

Let me set the scene for those fortunate enough not to be tied to reality TV. The girls from The Hills are talking about the different directions life is taking them in. One feels she needs to stop being a part of the party scene, one is moving in with her boyfriend, another has a boyfriend for the first time in a long time, and the final girl needs to move to a different country to "figure out who she is," aka, get as far away from the guy who turned her down as possible. Heavy hitting stuff, I know. While we will nominate it for some prestigious award later, here's the part that sent my brain spinning - At some point, one of the girls declares that they are in their mid-twenties now, and this is when they have to decide who they are going to be...

Ironically, I watched this in the same 24 hour time span that I also reconnected with a childhood friend. We had been pretty much m.i.a from each others lives for the past 9 years. And while we knew if we really needed the other, we only needed to ask, the bigger point is that the separation happened because of a disagreement between friends. It was big enough that it warranted space, and real enough that even at 30, I may have approached it differently, but I stand behind the 21 year old me that made those decisions. I feel like she did the best she could at the time, with the tools she had.

And this, is where 21 and 30 meet. The moment that you realize that it was an event so monumental that you're life really would look differently today had you not made the decisions you did in that moment. In fact, decisions made up to that moment because of the same factors, do affect you're life still today. And that is where I think that *gasp*, maybe those Hills girls are onto something.

So, let me introduce you to 21 and 30.

Both girls are pretty. They know it logically and know that it has opened doors for them. But they are their biggest critic (as all girls are) and often do not truly claim the woman that God created them to be. 30 is getting better at it though.

21 was in hiding. Life had knocked her around a bit, and she decided it was easier to live in her shell for awhile while she figured stuff out. 30 unabashedly claims that this is who she is, but does sometimes feel the need to shrink back from it still, because she finds it can be intimidating for some at times.

Both girls are fiercely loyal to their friends. 21's loyalty caused her to make decisions that was in their best interest but not her own. 30 is still loyal, but she will always make her own decision at the end of the day, even if it feels like she is swimming against the flow the majority of time.

21 was racing and scrambling to figure out her career and future. Partly because the first two plans hadn't worked out, partly because there was a drive bigger than her, that she didn't understand how to manage at the time. 30 realized that the drive almost killed her at times, has hit the glass ceiling of success in legendary ways, and measures life differently now.

21 felt everything, all the time. 30 learned to compartmentalize. Verdict is out whether or not that is always a healthy thing.

21 was living a lie. She knew that God was pursuing her and asking for her to come back to Him. But coming back meant letting go, and letting go, meant heartbreak. 30 knows she chose right and that was another monumental decision that changed the course of her life. 30 also is basking in God's love, impeccable timing and grace.

21 and 30 still have the same exact dreams, they just look different now.

And here is what 21 and The Hills girls didn't know that 30 does. We make decisions all the time that are monumental. Sometimes, they can seem so small at times and we don't realize until years later that even though microscopic in the moment, it changed life's course. Which means, that you don't just choose who you're going to be when you are in your mid-twenties. You do it throughout the course of your life.

Isle of Palms

2010-07-16T10:04:00.000-07:00

Lingering memories from Isle of Palms

1. Ash from Fireworks - We had an amazing upper balcony on the house that spans the width of the house and comes complete with lounge chairs, grille, and mini fridge. It was the perfect setting for July 4th. The first time ever that I didn't have to figure out a location to watch the fireworks and not get stuck in horrendous traffic afterwards. Best. Seat. In. The. House. - Seriously. Such a great seat that we literally had to brush off the ash from the fireworks.

2. Crab Benedict from Seabiscuit - I am a sucker for good food and have a soft place in my heart for breakfast food. Enter Seabiscuit, also my neighbor for the week. Completely charming setting inside. So small, it only takes cash, so leave your plastic at home. And the food is to die for. My first sampling was the Crab Benedict, I wanted to order another plate when I finished and it was sheer discipline and strong will that helped me not to reorder more food. That, and the fact that they were my neighbor for the week and I could go everyday if I wanted. OK-confession, I actually went three times and ordered the same exact dish.

3. The band that never took a break - When you have 2 bars on an island, you're there a lot. But 4th of July at the Windjammer was memorable. I danced the night away with some of my favorite people, a handful of misfits that seemed comfortable grabbing my ass on a regular basis, and the band that never took a break. While they never agreed to play Sweet Home Alabama, they felt very comfortable in their 80's genre and we jumped, we danced, we sang our hearts out.

4. Lazy mornings are delightful. There is nothing better than a summer day with nothing to do. You can wake up, eat, write, read, beach, sun deck - and in any order you want to.

5. My name is Jenn and I am a diet coke addict. Rule of thumb when you are in a house of 18 people. Hide your vice. Or else, you will reach into the fridge for your diet coke and find nothing but a empty box. Horror. And begin the shakes now.

6. 2nd verse same as the first..the book that is. I bought a book, took it to the beach, only to open it up and realize that I have not only purchased it once before, I already read it too. We are in a recession, so the last thing I need to do is purchase the same book twice, but it kind of sucks to be out on the beach without a juicy book. Don't worry, problem averted.

7. Spread the love. It's not often in life that you really hear what people think about you. Unfortunately, these words are saved for when people are celebrating the life you led, not the life you are living. We had the opportunity to go around the table and have a love fest. Try it. Share with people why you smile when you think of them. How they inspire you. It's infectious and inspiring, we left in love.

8. Cook your heart out. Everyone is split up into teams for dinners, and the taste buds smile on a nightly basis. Quality control leads to bbq's, mexican fiesta's, coconut mango tilapia delight, and scrumptious homemade chocolate chip cookies. While I don't want to ask for the check, this girl needs to go for a run.

9. That's what she said. You gotta commit to it. 4 or 5 is really good. I'm kind of a big deal. These comments mean nothing to you but everything to us. They were the words we somehow began to live by for the week and insert into every subject, even if it didn't fit.

10. Because slumber parties are fun when you are 30. I loved giggling, talking the night away, reading together, playing on Facebook together, eating, giving fashion advice, solving the worlds problems and yes, even resting in the bed with my besties.

'Today Show's' Annual Wedding Compitition Yields Heated Debate

2010-07-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

Read this hot topic:

http://jacksonville.com/entertainment/tv/2010-07-09/story/today-show-decision-open-wedding-contest-gay-couples-spurs-heated

Admittedly, this is the first time on my blog that I have tossed my opinion into a lively debate that can cause some controversy amongst my readers. I am sure ya'll have an opinion and you are entitled to it.

Here's my two cents.

I believe in God, in fact we have quite an intimate relationship. I take the song lyrics, "He is jealous for me. He is a hurricane, and I am a tree" quite literally in my life. So I get the outpouring of Christians quoting scripture and their belief that The Today Show is in the wrong.

I have yet to see this scripture shared though - the scripture showing where God loved all people. The scripture that details when Jesus would walk into a group and choose to hang out with the outcasts instead of the popular crowd. The scripture that shows that God just longs for our hearts and transformation comes through Him instead of some tyrannical believer shoving propaganda down another person's throat. Because that is what it looks like to the opposing group. It is seen as divisive and leaves the group wondering, do I really want that God in my life?

First and foremost we are called to love. Don't get me wrong, we are called to speak truth also. But we are asked to love first. And if you ask me, all this brow beating of the Bible has done, is alienate people further from God.

"How can we further His kingdom, when we are only furthering our own?"

Again, my two cents.

Fairytale Faith

2010-07-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in a living room, the beach a mere 500 feet away. And while typically, that is my sanctuary - the place where God and I do business, today I had a different office. It has involved a lot of sleep. And in the moments when I was going to try and salvage some ocean and sun, God had a different plan because He is kind of brilliant that way.

It involved three girlfriends sharing that they thought that they would be in a different place by now and the insecurities and heartbreak that has inflicted upon the heart. It involved the fears of the future. What if our greatest desires are not met?

Here is why God is so brilliant. Reason 5,278 of an infinite number. Because the conversation could have taken place with anyone, any moment, and at any time. But in this moment, it was the three people that needed to say the words out loud, and more importantly, the three girls had the right words that needed to be said at that moment. They of course, were not ours. We were mere vessels as God whispered some sweet nothings in our ears. He yelled them, He whispered, He laughed and He sang His love. And He came out victorious reminding us that He is the author of our dreams, and the yearnings that we have, are not arbitrarily reached for from out of thin air. He gave these dreams to us and they are very real. They may happen in a different way, and obviously will be happening within a different timing than we planned for, but they are going to happen and will be way more extraordinary than we could have imagined for ourselves.

So, we are left listening to His praises. Like His personal choir is singing to us. And the echo of the waves are left to their devices in the distance while He shows us how brilliant His love is in new ways.

Psalm 16:5: Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

Random Thoughts and Recent Travels

2010-07-05T08:50:00.000-07:00

A day of random thoughts and happenings to update you with-

1. Jessica this is mostly for you, but I am sure someone will love this new find as much as you and I will. I love blogs, and came across one recently that is simply delicious. http://mailesmucker.blogspot.com ... quickly add to your bookmarks and never let go. This author writes about food and I leave inspired and with my mouth watering every time.

2. Many verses feeding me right now, but here's one that I love.
Isaiah 58:11 - The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never failed.

3. Been on the road recently - here's some quick recaps of travels:

Mountains - Very blessed because my godmothers family has a house in the mountains that they generously let me use. Was able to stay a week and spend time with my mom and brother to have some special moments together before he leaves and also to have some friends come and be able to relax and enjoy the beauty of the breathtaking mountains. I am a beach girl, but this little slice of heaven has become a haven for me and I truly feel calm and closer to God in this place.

Savannah - So the theme is road trip with my brother, and this was the next stop on our Summer tour. I had never been before and was very excited. I wanted to be enchanted, just have heard amazing stories about Savannah... it didn't live up to the hype but we still had a great time for the few hours that we were there. We had lunch on the water, we walked the city and window shopped. To be fair, we were only there for an afternoon - so it is hard to say you have truly soaked in a city in a matter of a few hours. But, I do feel that Savannah's charm is 1/2 history and 1/2 night life, which neither we were able to indulge in. I do think it would be a wonderful city to visit for a weekend trip, not on board for a week's stay.

Hinesville, GA - had to put the GA, because it is so small, no one I am sure, knows where it is unless they live there. We went here after our visit to Savannah. It's a army base town, and my brother's best friend lives there. Here we visited with old friends and new ones and had a great celebration complete with a low country broil. I have been craving the pot of goodness ever since, what can I say? I am definitely a Southern gal. Oh, I also got to be true to my inner 15 yr old and see Eclipse. Loved it! Now the wait begins for the next one...

And now, I am in Charleston - more specifically Isle of Palms. With 17 friends in a house and having a great time. I will do a separate post of highlights - I am here for a week and am sure there will be a good amount of material, but here's my thought today. I love people watching and it is interesting to watch people within a house of random people you are living with for a week. I am one of the few that knew everyone coming in, but many are meeting each other for the first time. It's an interesting experiment, and if you watch closely, you can see who each personified in high school. No matter how much we evolve, there will always be that young kid in us and it is interesting to see the dynamics unfold in the midst of the bubble.

Small Moments

2010-07-05T08:24:00.000-07:00

Life is made up of small moments. I read this recently and it made me pause because I feel like my moments recently are pretty monumental, and I am left wondering how in the the greater story of my life that I will chalk the current agenda up to small moments. Instead, I feel as though "suddenly, my life splits in two: before and after."

Tomorrow, my brother becomes official government property again as he reenters the Army. Here is what people don't think about. I may not have signed papers and be considered government property, but believe me, I am signed up. I may not see the harsh reality of life beyond our cozy beds, but I will know in a very real way what it is like to not know if I will receive another phone call. I will come to fear the unexpected ringing of a door bell on a random hour of a random day. And I will miss my brother terribly each day.

I have known that he was going back in for awhile, but there are logistics that sometimes catch you by surprise. I realized last week that I will probably never live in the same city as my brother again. It broke me. For most, this is just the reality of being an adult. Most do not carry a relationship with their siblings beyond family gatherings and holidays as adults, but I have been blessed otherwise. My brother is my best friend. He has quite literally lived in my backyard for almost 4 yrs and we talk everyday. I have been spoiled and it makes me sad to not be able to walk the 100 feet to his home, or randomly go for a walk, or hit Starbucks, or talk late into the night about every subject under the sun.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy for him. This is something he has wanted for a long time. And while he loves his country, it is the lifestyle of the Army that lures him back in. It is the one place in his lifetime that he has felt completely accepted for who he is. He was created to be a soldier. That is his DNA.

One of my besties says that this year is going to be a great year for us. As he said this again last night, I just looked at him and said, "I'm not sure. I just said goodbye to my brother today, and life has been anything but simple this year". He resolutely said, "It's going to be a good year, you have half a year to go." I love the faith - the confidence in saying, it's going to be OK. God has this. He wants to bless us. He has more for us. His plan is more extraordinary than we can imagine. And that is the amazing thing about besties. They hold you as you are sobbing in a driveway saying goodbye. They know you, sometimes, better than you know yourself. They love you despite of and because of all of your faults. They champion you when you don't have the strength to do it yourself. I am blessed. I have a handful of besties that do that for me and am staggered by their love.

Life is made up of small moments. And while this may seem larger than I know how to handle right now, I am not alone.

Here's a verse I have been marinating on in the midst of these small moments:
I Thes 3:13
"May you be infused with strength and purity, filled with confidence in the presence of God."

Open Declaration. No Explanation.

2010-06-21T20:36:00.000-07:00

Don't give me a choice and take it back. It doesn't work that way.

The Candy Maker

2010-06-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

I found out last week that a very dear friend of our family died. Her name was Nell, and she was like an adopted grandmother to me. Let me tell you about some of my memories.

I remember that when I was in trouble, my mom and dad would send me over to her house to do chores. She would make me do some light chores - dusting, wiping down counters - and then she would feel guilty and let me stop. Those were the days that my mom came in with me, but soon she made sure that my mom just dropped me off so she didn't even have to pretend to make me do chores.

At first, we didn't really know what to do with each other. I was concerned because it was an old person's house that I did not know. It smelled like old people. There was no cable and what channels they got, aired in black and white. I clearly did not want to be at her house and since her biological grandchildren were younger than I was, the plastic toys were not going to entertain me, so she faltered in creativity for awhile. But, she never gave up.

I hate baking. Always have. But she knew that I loved working my way around the kitchen and she loved making candy. I don't remember the name of the kind she liked making - just that I thought it was nasty, but she would always happen to be right in the middle of making it when I arrived and would need help finishing. Again, at first it was a chore and soon it was just what we did. And I liked our long talks we would have while doing it. She would tell me about growing up, and would make up stories and tell them to me. Sometimes, we would make up stories together by alternating sentences.

Her and her husband also had a great backyard, complete with handmade seats attached to the trees for squirrels to sit on and eat corn on the cob. It was as hilarious to watch as it is to read, and just like stray cats stick around when fed, so did the squirrels. She loved flowers too and when you were out in the back yard, it was like being in the Garden of Eden with squirrels playing everywhere. I am reminded of that often when I run through Dilworth.

My mom was also very close to her because she would volunteer at the church that my mom worked at. In a way, I think she became a mother figure to her as well. The three of us would get together and Nell would set the table like a true southern lady. The very best china, teacups, and linen napkins. She would have a beautiful bouquet on the table that we worked on together with flowers from her extravagant garden. The nasty candy she loved would be tied in a pretty organza bag with a ribbon wrapped around it at each place setting. Oh, and she made the best biscuits drizzled with honey. Following lunch, we would play scrabble.

I haven't seen sweet Nell for years. I'm a bit sad that I am not going to see her again, but so thankful for the time I had with this amazing woman. And I am thankful that she is in Heaven enjoying time with her Heavenly Father that she loved so dearly and without the pain that her arthritis gave her for so many years. We have lost a precious friend, but I know I will make candy and dance in the midst of flowers again with her in heaven.

Just Do It

2010-06-11T18:01:00.000-07:00

I can't resist. I really should edit myself and not post this, but it's too hilarious to pass up.

My fab brother took me out to dinner tonight. Afterwards, we decided to go to Dick's Sporting Goods. I need new running shoes and he had to pick up a few items too. As we were walking through women's workout apparel, there was a sports bra that said, "Just Do It" across the front. Now, I don't get the shorts that girls wear with words across their ass so I certainly do not get the words across the breasts either. Besides, when you are a little bit more blessed in your bust size than others, you don't really call more attention to that area than they already command on their own. But, doesn't the words "Just Do It" on a girls breasts just scream to some pervert, "Please motorboat me?"

So the question remains, what trashy girl is wearing this crap?

High/Low

2010-06-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

This week has been a comedy of errors. Seriously. One of those weeks where everything goes wrong and it is completely out of your hands so you just have to make do the best you can. Easier said then done though some days.

I used to do a game in one of my small groups called high/low. You say your high moment and low moment of the week - I guess the point is finding the silver lining and not getting bogged down. So, here goes..

LOW: Can I have two? I promise I won't whine beyond that.
1. Have had a summer cold for over a week now and instead of getting better it has gotten worse this week - even after a Zpak. You all know me well. I don't do sick well or gracefully.
2. Our IT guy took the server at work down last weekend to do some repairs/updates and when it was back up and working it didn't have a great reunion with my blackberry. The end result? Losing 72 appointments when I went and did the sync. He was able to recover some of the data but I am still missing appointments, and while I have an uncanny ability to remember vacation, everything else, not so much. I'm totally going to not show up for something.

HIGH:
I have a small vaca on the horizon and a friend has traveled in for the fun from Detroit. So I am thrilled to see her but even more, I love, heart even, texts throughout the week of encouraging scripture from her because she knew I was in the trenches.

While I am on a roll, here is my top funny moment of the week too:
On Wednesday, we were doing a call-a-thon for one of our shows. So entire department, came together for a day to make sales calls on one show to help out and each person was given a filter to call. In talking to one company, the contact finally asks me what I think it is that they sell? I tell her appliances - dishwashers, washers, dryers. Her response? "Ummm...no, we sell rockets." Obviously not a fit - thanks for playing, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

MIA

2010-06-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

I got an email from a friend today and it was quick and to the point: "Where the hell have you been? Update your blog."

Sorry kids, I guess I have been a bit MIA huh? Oh well the point is that I always come back and you always forgive my absence, right?

So, here is the answer to your question. My first stop was Isle of Palms, SC for a work retreat. And while I have to admit we got a lot accomplished, it is hard to work when you are in paradise. I would go out to exercise in the mornings and see people setting out their chairs for the day to lay out. Bitter, party of one?

The following week, I was off to Mickey's house for a sales trip. Sales trips are one of my favorite parts of my job. I love meeting with companies and hearing about their branding objectives and figuring out a way to make them come alive in a show setting. And, there is something a bit magical about Orlando too. How often do you get to have a meeting overlooking Cinderella's castle and a fireworks show? Or enter another meeting to musicians serenading you to Disney music and then step into a virtual experience of Disney animated movies?

The downside of being on a sales trip though is that you are "on" for a week straight and it can be draining. Add that to being absent from your life for a couple of weeks and you have a prescription for needed rest and the need to tackle a huge "to do" list.

But of course, there has been fun and randomness in the midst of it all - it is me after all.
1. I have a new love: modcloth.com. Don't tell me I never gave you anything. You can thank me later.
2. Tunes I am addicted to this week - The Rescues. Add this date to your calendar: June 22nd they hit itunes.
3. Fav quote that I read recently: "Staring into God's eyes is like taking a sweet, much needed nap." Love it.
4. Hello my name is Jennifer and I am a Bravoholic. Seriously. If you don't get this statement, just be thankful.
5. Obsessed with mixed CD's lately. Yes, I am back in middle school. But I love hearing what other people are listening to. Music is the soundtrack to my soul, so I can only assume I get to understand you better too.
6. Addicted to our boxing class, I think me and the besties are turning it into a cult. I keep hearing it come up at parties amongst friends who have decided to join us.
7. Heading back out of town soon. Off to the mountain house for a week, will do a special appearance in Savannah, and then turn into a sun goddess in Isle of Palms. Itching to leave the country again soon though. Must work on this. Anyone up for travel? And find more vaca time.
8. Currently not impressed with my HOA.
9. Hate summer colds.

That's all I got. A sweet little puppy is trying to snuggle. Chat later :)

PSA

2010-05-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

This is a PSA... and for those who don't know what this means...I will spell it out clearly. PSA = Public Service Announcement.

Lean in closely. Read closely. Hear me loudly.

I am not broken. My heart is broken.

I don't want "I feel sorry for you" emails, phone calls, texts. Because I do not want you to feel sorry for me. I want encouragement. I want prayers - in fact I covet them. But don't we all want that? Not just in the moments that the house is against you. We want it 24-7. The atta girl. You are doing a great job. I am thinking about you. That, after all, is why we crave community. You and I have enough self doubt to last us, we don't need it from others.

Some of you know exactly what I am talking about. And if you are seeking information, just to have it. Shame on you. People are involved. Lives are at stake. This is larger than mere gossip. For those who have reached out for the right reasons, thank you. We appreciate your love and support. Truly.

Some of you may ask, from what are you broken hearted? And that my friends is where it gets a bit tricky, because my story involves others and they did not sign up for this blog thing, I did. So, maybe one day over a cup of coffee you will get some details if you are a close friend, but not today in this forum. But here are some words. If you need a story, you can make one up like a mad lib. Go ahead. Add some adjectives and some action verbs. Maybe a pronoun or two. Everyone else is making up stories, you should too.

Entry into Army - loved one leaving soon
Relationship
Balance Act
Divorce
Friends Moving
Small and large decisions to be made, all of which have long term effects
Progression

But my belief in the midst of it? I think we all have a broken heart a little bit. It doesn't have to be the major "you broke my heart" moment that we often categorize it in, it can simply be life itself in small and large ways. It can be unmet dreams and desires.

But friends, I am not broken.

Africa Reboots

2010-05-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

Africa Reboots.
Great article and inspiring. Read it. Not because Bono wrote it, but because it's real. It's true.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/opinion/18bono.html?hp

He is creating a soundtrack for change.

Roads, we need roads. We women, are the roads. - Ms. Diago

2 Guesses

2010-05-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

"We offer a variety of lotions, therapeutic, travel and personal massagers we think would be a nice fit for tired convention goers."

2 guesses as to what type of business put this as their product description to get information on our show. 1 of those guesses should be a porn shop.

They have yet to apply. Thank goodness.

Battle for the Heart

2010-04-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

"The battle for the heart is won through the battle for the mind."

An old school friend of mine said this today and it was striking to me. Not sure if it is an original quote by him or if he read it somewhere, but it slapped me in the face for sure. Having known him since 5th grade and the curious way his mind works I would believe he crafted the comment himself, but in the moment, I was too stunned to ask.

A friend of mine said recently that the person that makes me take a 2nd look will always be the one that really invests in me. I know this to be true. Don't get me wrong, we all get caught up in the superficial - there has to be an attraction there too - but the person that really invests in me, which includes the crazy way that my mind works, and cares for me because of it and despite it, wins.

But here is the curious thing. This is true for not only relationships but my friendships too. If I look around me, those who are in the inner circle, are the ones who have made the commitment to my mind and my heart. What's the saying? You are known by the company you keep. I am so blessed.

Stickers

2010-04-28T18:42:00.000-07:00

I saw a license plate this week while I was driving that said:

Hard4Jesus

I'm serious. I almost pulled over on the side of the road I was laughing so hard. I am wondering though, what went through this person's mind that they thought that this was appropriate? I refuse to accept the notion that I just have a dirty mind and should get my mind out of the gutter. I am a southern belle after all...

But seriously, it amazes me the stuff that people put on their cars. I guess I should confess that I am not a sticker on the car kind of girl. I am not a tattoo girl either. Perhaps I am just too flippant to be married to an idea for that long. We will just stick with the theory of commitment issues.

But, I do wonder sometimes, why people put stuff on their cars. Earlier this year, I saw a bumper sticker that said: God loves Grier Heights too. Now for those of you not in the Queen City, Greer Heights is not a neighborhood you frequent by night, but most avoid it in the daytime too. Here's the thing - if you need to convince Charlotte that God loves your crack ridden neighborhood, perhaps you need more action than a bumper sticker.

One question I think of around election time is, what if your favorite candidate loses? Don't get me wrong, I love all things political, but I am not sticking anyone's name on my car. Hell, I love having everything monogrammed - it's a southern girls birthright - but you won't even find my initials on my car much less a political candidates. But once the sticker is on, that baby is not coming off unless your planning on taking some paint with it. Which is why you see cars all of your town with candidates name from years ago. And then you just look ignorant, because we all know Bush and Clinton haven't run for office in awhile.

I promise I am not hating though. I know that of the audience that reads this blog that the majority of you come with stickers. And, knowing my luck and yours, in another 10 years I probably will be married, with a minivan that I swore off forever, with all of the dumb stickers you adore.

Dishwasher Mayhem

2010-04-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

Oh my glorious. Seriously have no words. But as I sit here and witness this train wreck, might as well write about it because its too good of material to pass up. For realz.

As you know by now, there is ALWAYS a story. Let's catch up so you can understand the details of today. In January, dishwasher breaks. Call the warranty company, they send contractor out to fix it. Contractor says, dishwasher is dead. Warranty says, order the parts and fix it. Contractor sits on work because they don't like answer and it takes longer to fix than necessary. March, dishwasher is broken again. Call warranty company, and they call contractor back out to fix it. Same tune. Different day. Fast forward to me working my way up the ladder in the warranty company to finally speak with a manager. By that point, I am so upset, I cry on phone with said manager. Luckily she is a kind soul, fixes issue by saying I get new dishwasher and new contractor to work with.

Dishwasher arrived last week, and today my friends, is install day.

Meet Frank, the appliance man, who lives in Kings Mountain and is a simple country boy (his description, not mine). He is maybe a 100 lbs soaking wet, which is where the trouble begins...

As he starts unattaching the wires, he decides AFTER he has eletrocuted himself that we should turn off the breaker. Once that is done, he is ready to pull old dishwasher out, except he does not have enough brawn to pull it out. Imagine if you will please, Frank leaning against my fridge pulling on my dishwasher with all of his might. Friends, I am here to tell you, it was not a pretty sight. Another hour passes before the dishwasher is out.

Then he asks me if I have (enter lists of parts here). I speak event planning, I do not speak dishwasher, so we clearly had a language barrier at this point. I told him (politely) that I do not understand any of the words he just said nor would I know to have those parts in advance. He decides to try and rescue some parts from the old dishwasher but they will not all work, which means he then asks me to go get parts from Home Depot.

#1 thought: I don't even understand the name of the parts you are asking for and I am supposed to go find it in Home Depot?
#2 thought: You are asking me to go get them and you are going to stay in my house while I am gone?

Sure enough, yes was the answer to both questions. Now, my roomie is probably breathing hard as she reads this, as is others close to me, but in an effort to close this chapter and get Leave It to Beaver out of my house, I decided to run to Home Depot quickly and call it a draw. Besides, while he is a real sweet boy, not sure if he is smart enough to rob anyone.

Get through the Home depot experience, (we will save that story for later) and get home with needed parts. Install proceeds to take another 2 hours with me enduring some of the high conversation points below.

"I get electrocuted all the time. You get used to it. One time though, I got shot with a nail gun. It went through the skin and I had to pull back my skin to get the nail out. You want me to show you the scars?"

"Ever rode a motorcycle? Almost died from a motorcycle accident. Gave it up. Had a couple of friends that died and decided it wasn't worth it anymore."

"Met some crazy people in my time. Have you ever met Dale, Jr? Been to his house. He has 3 race tracks and long horn cattle. (enter a lot of description of cattle here) If he says he doesn't have money, he is lying."

"My ex is crazy, wants to know what I am doing and who I am dating. If a woman leaves you for another man, but keeps on calling, what does that mean? She's been trippin' on me because she found out I've been seeing a new woman."

"Are you one of them computer whizzes? I don't like fancy electronics. My company gave me one of them blackberry's, I gave it back. Too much technology for me, I am just a country boy."

"Maybe you can plan my next wedding."

"My mama keeps on saying if I would write about the past 5 years of my love life, I would make millions."

"I'm about to be electrocuted, I feel it..."

By the end of our almost 4 hour afternoon together, Forrest Gump, aka Frank, electrocuted himself three times. I am not quite sure how he managed to drive to the next appointment, but like Scarlett, I will just worry about that tomorrow because today was traumatic enough. By the way, did I mention a dishwasher install should only take an hour max? ....Only in my world...

Meet Color and Joy

2010-04-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

My theme for 2010 was progression. I've rocked this more than imagined in the span of four months. What will 12 months bring?

You may ask... progression? Theme? For those who haven't been trekking with me long term, here is the back story. Some people make New Year's resolutions. I make themes. They become a mission statement for the year. I make the decisions in my life based on a word and what I know it means to me.

So for 2010, the theme is progression. Because I have been paralyzed by fear in many areas of my life, and I choose to not let another year pass me by and to be in the same place.

I really wish I could be candid and share with you the ins and outs of the story. It's just not realistic to air in this forum. Life is not lived alone. It is lived within community, and hence, my progression has involved others. It's not just my story. It is theirs too.

But what I do want to share, what I can share today, is that I have thrown my world as I know it in the air and let the pieces fall where they may. It has brought bucket loads of tears and heartbreak. It has brought joy and laughter where I didn't imagine it possible. It has forced me into uncomfortable places that make moving to a new city seem more easy. But, I can say that I am living life. I have great hope.

My mom once shared with me what it was like when she got glasses for the first time. She said she saw the world in a new way. She discovered color.
I also saw joy once. I saw her twirling in a parking lot without abandon.

I am experiencing what my mom did. I see color for the first time in a long time.
And I am going to meet joy too. Because joy moves in when you kick fear to the curb.

It's not that you don't see color in the midst of fear. You may experience daily glimpses of joy too. The difference is that I plan on giving them a key to my home.

A Wonderfully Perfect Weekend

2010-04-11T13:34:00.000-07:00

I have had the most wonderfully perfect weekend. The kind of weekend I think you can only have in warm weather, which as you know I am obsessed with.

The weekend began with a run outside which quickly became a walk. Not because I couldn't physically do it, but because I was so overwhelmed with the beauty of outside. I am not a cold weather fan. I have no appreciation of rain and snow. But the difference this spring compared to last summer, due to our cold, wet winter, is like we turned the color TV on outside. It is like the plants are trying to out do each other in beauty and brilliant color. And with that, the flowers in bloom have the sweetest fragrance and I can truly understand the phrase "stop and smell the roses". Combine with fab tunes and it was an amazing walk.

Friday night I had dinner with one of my best friends. We have had our bumps in the road recently, but I guess that is what makes it true friendship. You work at it. You love each other in the midst of and despite of the bumps. It feels like home, even when you are working your way back to it. We went to Blue for dinner and live music. Have to admit, while I have had drinks and appetizers there before, I have never actually eaten dinner. It was delicious. And the live music following dinner was great too. And of course time and conversation with my friend, divine.

Saturday was our "trial run" of our new Saturday tradition for summer. The plan goes like this: boxing class, brunch at common market, poolside ... and of course whatever randomness that the day brings. The randomness was a walk in Southend after brunch popping into some of the furniture boutiques and 3 girls sharing 2 scoops of ice cream at Pike's. It was a homeless man telling us how beautiful our smiles were and wanting to know the reason for our happiness. It was meeting a new friend - a local business owner who dabbles in art and furniture while overcoming the tragedy of his wife's death and savoring each day with joy. It was the open box lunch from Price's chicken coop on top of a garbage can that someone left for the hungry later on. It was checking out the local street vendors selling breads, soaps, eggs, herbs and homemade meals. It was laughing at funny stickers such as the one that says, God Knows When You Watch Porn. It was my brother joining us by the pool and being able to talk and laugh with him while enjoying the birds serenade us with a symphony.

And following our delicious day, we made our way to our first roller derby game. Ever played the game, one of these is not like the other? I was the one and everything else was the other. As one friend aptly described me, I looked like "Hollywood" in the midst of jeans, t-shirts and chucks. Despite going by my own dress code, it was intriguing and fun. The official drink of roller derby is apparently Pabst Blue Ribbon. Our fav sandwich joint, CM, is also a sponsor and had their strange mascot out skating the rink. Picture a wonder bread sandwich with a smiley face drawn onto the bread. I am not sure I have ever been in an environment with so many lesbians. Don't get me wrong - to each their own - but to hear the statement yelled across the way pointing, "That's my bitch over there," several times throughout the evening was overkill. And let me be clear, no man better ever call me your bitch.

Probably the most interesting thing to me besides enjoying the diversity and people watching 101, were the outfits of the derby girls. Picture tights or panty hose on with the bloomers that are worn under cheerleading uniforms that have writings on them that typically go with their porn-esque name. Here are a couple to tempt your palate:

Name: America the Bootyfull / Bloomers: American Flag and the word Booty
Name: Thunder lips / Bloomers: The word thunder and a pair of lips
Name: Rub-Her-Ducky / Bloomers: say Rub my Ducky

Paired with these colorful bottoms, are the team jersey and a little flavor depending on the personality. It could be a skirt, belt, toys. Oh and the tights and bloomers vary. My personal favorite were the metallic silver tights with tighty whities on top of them. Every dead woman in my family is turning over in her grave right now if you just felt a huge thud.

And today? Today was the day I went back to my roots. I have wanted for awhile now, to go home to Irmo and visit my hometown church. I guess in a way it is a therapeutic need in response to the bombs in my life recently. It is safe. It is enchanting. It is home. So, I had the opportunity to go with one of the besties to visit. It's amazing that so many years have passed and the traditions and structure of the Sunday service is exactly the same. And how traditions and memories and smells assault you. But in a strange way, it was what the doctor ordered. And afterwards, we found a roof top view to eat lunch, drink some bloody mary's and enjoy the sun. And on our way back, windows were down, praise music at the top of the lungs and enjoying the day the Lord hath made.

And because God is gracious in the way He shows us truth, in the midst of praise, sun and wind whipping through our hair, we passed a convoy of army trucks on 77N. A surreal prelude to my week and my family's future. More to come.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2010-04-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

Just a few random Tuesday thoughts-

1. I am thrilled out of my pants happy to see the sun and enjoy the heat outside in the Queen City. For all of you haters, hush your mouth. Seriously, in L-O-V-E with Summer! And I am glad that it is here. Yes, I said summer because it is the South and we really don't have a spring. Highlight of my evening last night? Being on my evening run, running through the sprinklers in random people's yards, and enjoying good tunes followed by a yummy summer dinner of salmon and fruit.

2. Just in time for summer...I have redone my patio and am oh so excited! It only took me 3 1/2 years. Up until now, I have had the standard concrete slab on the patio surrounded by dirt and weeds - 250 square feet of ugliness that scream carefree single girl. But, my lovely brother helped me level the dirt and lay down stone. I also bought some planters and planted some flowers. The task now is to keep them alive but I am proud to say I have remembered to water them everyday. Next up? Purchasing a new grille and some patio decor. I will definitely be enjoying this beauty.

3. Been also thinking about forgiveness this week - I know random. A friend once told me how important it is to actually say the words, "I forgive you" when someone is apologizing and more importantly to leave it there (if you mean it of course). Over all, I do really well with this concept and don't dig up the issue when other issues arise in friendships. But, I find myself still mulling on an incident this week that hurt my feelings, which leads me to the question, do we truly ever let stuff go?

4. I have been kidding around with one of my besties recently about how random my life is. One day it is boy drama, the next I am being cc'd on an email from an upper official in Africa, another day I am opening a show and dealing with celeb drama, some days are simple and just working and running through sprinklers and today? Today, I was invited to be a judge at a beauty pageant. Seriously. Random. But it makes it interesting.

5. Another reason why I love summer? TRIPS! Well, I really travel all throughout the year, but for some reason they seem so much more fun and carefree in warm weather. Some of the ones I am looking forward to? Charleston with friends in July. Family Farm time in SC with my cousin and sweet niece. Road trip to the mountains with my friend next weekend. And the list is growing - love it.

6. Last thought of the day is the realization that this week is my sweet puppy's bday. Now, I know this is a random thought, but ya'll she turns 9. Which means, since I have had her for 8 of her 9 canine years, I have managed to keep her alive and healthy! Does this mean I am an adult? Now I will admit, since she is on the anorexic side, there have been some times that I have forgotten to feed her. And I complain when it is raining outside and I have to walk her. But, I love little Fudgegirl and am pretty darn proud of being a parental for this long. Now, if I can only extend that TLC to my new plants...

Tonight's Snapshot

2010-03-31T19:24:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I wanted to take a snapshot of a moment with my friends and cherish it forever. Let me first tell you about my small group so you can truly appreciate it. There are twelve adults - five couples, two single girls. There are seven children with two more on the way. One of those children, we know will be here in a matter of weeks. The other, we don't know when God will bless our friends with this sweet new child, but we are all faithfully praying and know it will be soon.

We come from different backgrounds, but there are common threads that sealed the deal from the beginning. We love the Tarheels - although there are a few who love some inferior teams. We love wine. We are political junkies. We love sports. We love really funny raw humor. In some ways, I think we all came into the group hopeful but weary. How can we commit to one more thing in our weeks? Will I really connect with this group of people? Call it perfect timing, call it God, but the questions faded quickly, and it became the day we look forward to in our week.

I had the opportunity recently to listen to a musician talk about his music. One of his songs was written about his small group. He shared that they knew each others stories, so if one of the members texted the group mid-week and shared something, even in 160 characters or less, they understood the impact because they were walking through life together. And because of that - this group of people, these friendships, were worth fighting for. I feel that way about this group of people.

Each person brings something different to the group, and because of that, their presence is noticeable and missed in their absence. We are a family.

Tonight, our goal was simple. To love on the couple bringing the newest bundle of joy into our family. To share encouragement and to pray. And truly, while so much love and wisdom was shared, as I looked around, the bigger story was a group of adults suspended in time caring for one another. Life moves so fast these days. We are hooked to every electronic, trying to keep up with email, Facebook, blogs, our jobs, and all of the various hats and roles we play in our lives. But for thirty minutes this evening, the umbilical cord of our world was cut, and it was just our family enjoying a beautiful spring evening to the sounds of our children playing on a play set, loving each other.

Some people never experience this in the families that they are born into, much less a group of friends, yet we have had the gift of this for two years with more to come.

One of the comments made to our newest parents tonight was to cherish the small moments. And tonight was a small moment, but a sweet one to savor. I hope I never take it for granted. I am truly blessed.

Single Girls Do Breakfast

2010-03-28T16:11:00.000-07:00

Single girls do breakfast. That's the name of the tradition my friends and I started. Here's the way it works. Very simple. Big fat breakfast, complete with an appetizer of cinnamon rolls. Mimosa's. The appetizer and mimosa's are consumed while you make scrumptious breakfast. Loud chick music you can sing too - think Pink, Taylor Swift, Dixie Chick's - for you haters out there, the quality is not necessary. The goal here is that the music is equal to a chick flick. Dancing. While you sing and make breakfast that is. Last step? Pull up all the blinds and open up the french doors - let the sunshine in.

Why? Because it is the perfect pick me up for the friend having a bad day. Because it is the perfect way to be silly. Because it's the perfect way to celebrate friendship with your besties.

Today's Breakfast? Sweet Potato Hash. And for my sweet cousin Jess, here is the recipe:

Brown ground sausage in skillet. While sausage is browning, cut up sweet potato's and red onion in thin strips. Put sausage in bowl to cool but leave drippings in skillet. Add sweet potato's and red onion to skillet. May need to add a little bit of EVOO. Sprinkle mixture with cinnamon sugar, nutmeg and allspice - cook's judgement here. Once potato's are soft, add back in sausage to mixture, and sprinkle in cheddar cheese. In separate skillet, make one egg over easy per number of people eating. Spoon hash mixture on plate and then add egg. Enjoy!

It All Started With Bingo

2010-03-26T21:38:00.000-07:00

I have a friend that I'm going to miss. We met in the most random way - playing bingo at an old folks home. Seriously. He and a group of guys volunteered their time by playing bingo with the elderly for awhile. The women loved those boys, but apparently the old men felt they were getting the shaft, hence my invitation.

Not sure how it happened but one night after bingo and gropes from the old men, we ended up in conversation and tunes by Leeland. The rest, as they say is history.

Years and thousands of conversations later, we are left cherishing the time he has still left in the same zip code, relishing memories and creating new ones. For him, a season is closing and while he is excited, he is also saddened because he leaves behind a city full of community. And for those of you who don't get this principle yet, let me spell it out for you. Community = home.

But I digress, I am going to miss my friend. Why? Because we have such random nights together. The evening began due to a mid-day Facebook IM chat, which led to the inevitable question of what are you doing tonight?

Here are some of the highlights-
Started out at The Deck, which for those who have not been there yet, smells awful.
Got drinks.
Talked with friend at bar.
Got table.
Annoyed waiter who kept trying to come over and be the best waiter ever despite our lack of ordering.
Finally, I had the following conversation: "Ryan, I have a confession. Because I believe in breaking the heart quickly, not slowly. There is nothing on this menu that remotely interests us." He tried his best to let us know his favorites, but it wasn't enough. We did promise to come back after dinner. He promised to hurt me if we ordered something at another restaurant that was on their menu.
Dinner at Cantina across the street. Big "I know you from somewhere moment" - ends up being Trader Joe's.
Back to The Deck for 5 minutes. Check in with Ryan the waiter, he is pleased with our dining selection.
Teach some boys some good one liners - glad that I can encourage the BS they give to girls, and have some blasphemous moments with made up scripture - Mark 4:12 - Thou shall watch basketball, it is the 11th commandment - and then off for an adventure downtown.
Except, the adventure was coffee from Starbucks and drinking it in the lobby of a bank.
Oh, well I guess I forgot the moment where the guy literally says, "I am taking donations to help me get drunk tonight." If I had a twenty on me, I would have given it to him. What can I say? I admire the honesty.

SO you might be thinking, where is the random? Besides your rambling. It's the conversation in the midst of all of the stops in one evening. The conversation that ebbs and flows through the weekly updates, what is on our hearts, memories from high school and college, hookers, past roommates, crushes, and the list goes on. It is the conversation that you can only have with the closest of friends. And while e-mails, FB chats and phone calls are fabulous, it's just not the same as one continuous conversation over the course of 4 hours, 2 restaurants, a coffee shop, a bank lobby, a parking garage and the streets of the Queen City. The laughter is infectious. The one liners abundant. The pauses in conversation heavy with meaning. I am going to miss my friend.

FB Confession

2010-03-25T14:46:00.000-07:00

We're all on it, so I know you know what I am talking about. Suggested friends. Those people who pop up on the right side of the page as Facebook plays the 5 Degrees of Bacon. They say, "x" amount of your friends know this person, so surely you should, so let us help the introduction along.

And when you first got started on Facebook, this was how your popularity literally blew up, but these days you are pretty much friends with who you want to be and just add people as you meet them in passing. But admit with me and confess with me, there is at least one person you are a bit curious about.

Because now that you see their face on the regular, you recognize their name - and because Facebook reminds us how small our worlds really are, you start to see them on a regular basis. You would never notice them otherwise, but all of a sudden their name stands out like a beacon on an invite or you see them across the way at an event. You may even comment on the same posts by other friends, yet you're not friends.

But why oh why do they stand out to you?? Cause you chatted with them for 2.5 seconds, 7 years ago on your brief stint on a internet dating site. Thanks Facebook, for smacking me in the face today. Only took me a year to keep looking at this face to finally realize the epiphany you were trying to give me.

Single Girl Tip of the Day - Java Anyone?

2010-03-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

Single girls in Charlotte, here is your tip for the day: Starbucks at the corner of Providence and Cherokee.

Went there for a coffee today. Skinny vanilla latte please. And as I was waiting for my pick-me-up, I realized it was unusually quiet for the amount of people in there. And then I realized that I really could not smell coffee but I was smelling some delicious cologne.

Looking around, I saw table upon table of men in suits, each of them better looking than the next, all having hush hush business meetings.

The business girl in me was curious as to what deals were going down. But the girl in me mourned the fact that I could not stay in the candy store longer to look at the candy. Darn meetings.

Just Another Manic Monday

2010-03-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

Are you surprised? I am. You went months and months without word from me and now you are getting daily posts. Oh well, remember this love fest and give me some grace when I miss a day.

Here is what is up to bat in my world today.

I was supposed to have lunch with my sister today. She is fresh out of college and working on getting a real job but in the meantime working various internships to get that "experience" that every job says you need when you're out on the interview path. But I digress, how weird was it for me to hear her say, "can't do lunch today, have to do it tomorrow because I am buried in work"? Very, but I am for sure the proud big sis. And I love that I get to do lunches downtown with her now on a regular basis.

Received an email today from a friend. Subject line: Your Genius, Please.
A couple of excerpts:
"How are you? I'm sure fabulously well and tough as nails (as I think of you).
I have thought of your high expertise in the area of marketing lately."

It's amazing how others see you and how you see yourself. Sometimes there is a chasm in between. I know I am good at the marketing stuff, but genius? And I am certainly not tough as nails, in fact I am probably one of the most sensitive people you will ever meet. Shhh...don't tell anyone. But, it's always good to have perspective I guess, on how people see you and I am honored she wants my two cents.
'
Getting back into real routine post show. Last week was child's play, because I could go home and sleep when I wanted to - it was acceptable. But after a weeks time, this is the harder part. Getting back into schedule. I got up, I worked, and at the end of the day I had a brownie as a reward. NOT part of the eating plan, but it tasted oh so good.

I stifled some tears as things are moving ahead with my brother re-entering the army. I am proud that there are people that love our country enough to protect it, that want to face the grim reality of the world we live in and the truths we would rather not know. I am proud he is one of them and this makes him be alive. But selfishly, I want him living 50 feet from me. I feel sucker punched. But I love him and want him to be happy.

And just when I need to forget it all? I get to help a friend shop for furniture for his new place and am treated to my favorite thai place in town. Spicy pad thai please. yummo.

Manic? Random? It's all mine. Monday.

Song

2010-03-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

Song. Music is part of my story, but very few actually know it. It's healing. Here is some of the lyrics stirring in my heart today - various songs and artists.

Here is my heart, you can have it all.

Be my everything.

Lift high, your chains undone. I lift my eyes to you.

There's a song you have never heard from me, it's beautiful, it's time I let the caged bird sing.

Who Wants to Buy My Pickles?

2010-03-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

So this was the post on Facebook:
@common market southend enjoying sunshine, time w/ dear friend, and drunk singing trumpet player asking ppl to buy his pickles. Confused? So am I.

Since then, I have gotten texts throughout the day asking WTF? Are you just quirky trying to come up with something clever?

NO

Cause this is my life, the random. It's not a grand story, just a simple occurrence. But, for you 10 peeps, here is the explanation.

Queen City has a place called Common Market. Two locations, but my fav is in Southend because of their fab patio out back. On Saturday's, they host a mini farmer's market. So imagine with me if you will, local organic growers pitching their goods, local neighbors eating their lunch, drinking beer, enjoying sunshine.

One of my besties and I were in on the local scene when random farmer's market participant offers us one of his pickles. Occasionally, he would come by and make sure we did not need more as he did with the rest of the patrons. We were catching up having a serious conversation when all of a sudden pickle guy randomly has a trumpet which he is playing and singing tunes. Problem was, besides the fact that he hawks pickles for a living, he was also drunk and couldn't remember the words to his song. So he would just kind of mumble syllables together in tune and play the trumpet in between. And between the verse? "Who wants to buy my pickles?"

What can I say? Just another Saturday in the Queen City.

Spring Is In the Air

2010-03-19T12:02:00.000-07:00

If you are reading from the Queen City, you have lived our abnormally cold winter and you are probably just as psyched as I am about the beautiful weather we are having this week. Hopefully, it is here to stay!

Since I have been on "project blog" this week, it has provoked me to read some of my last blogs that I wrote prior to my hiatus. I stumbled across one in which I wrote about the Tenebrae service at W242 last year (see God's Watch from April 11, 2009), and find myself rereading it. It's ironic to me how we (I) can be in the same place a year later. The circumstances may have changed a bit but the heart stays lodged in the same place. I think logically we know this to be true when we think about it for a bit - the truth that we can stay paralyzed in a place for months, years, is habitual for many. After all, the common denominator will always be you right? But when we look at it written down, it can still be staggering and take your breath away.

Here is a few sentences from that entry.
"And in the midst of that, I am in a season - a season where God is real in a new way I have not experienced before. There are moments I feel like I am hanging on by a thread and others that I feel wrapped in warmth."

The story line has changed a bit, but the theme is the same. I am the common denominator.

Spring is always about rebirth. I was thinking about that as I had lunch with a friend today at Laurel Market. We talked of her garden and the spring planting she had done, and then moved onto the topic of switching over our closets for spring and summer. As warm weather arrives, this is what we do. We emerge from the bat cave that has been winter and we soak in the sunshine. We go outside. We begin having parties again and hanging out with friends celebrating everything that is good - beer, sun, water. We plant new things to grow, we do spring cleaning. But what about us? The tanning, the exercising, the new spring wardrobe, is all on the outside. Do we do spring cleaning of the soul? I'm going to venture that typically the answer is no, unless you are dropped down on your knees by circumstance or truly engaging in lent.

So, let's be candid. My soul cleaning is happening as a result of being dropped down on my knees by circumstance, which brings me back to the quote above. There are days that I am sad and do feel that I have been hanging on by a thread, and others that I have felt wrapped in warmth. But just as I am a common denominator in my personal hell, the truth is that in the midst of that God is good. He heals. He shows up in big ways. And sometimes, we have to hit our knees harder to truly understand how He is at work in the midst of it all and allow Him to do His thing.

Yes, spring is the air, but hopefully it is in our souls too.

Long Time, No Write

2010-03-18T12:38:00.000-07:00

So, I start with an apology. Because it has literally been almost a year since I wrote last, and I left you with a cliffhanger. I have been asked recently several times by various readers when I was going to write again. And to be honest, I was a bit stunned by the question. The funny thing about a blog is that you never know who is really reading. Am I writing for myself? Or do I believe I actually have an audience? Well, I know for sure, I at least have an audience of 10. haha!

I also struggle with voice sometimes. If this blog is truly about sharing my life, where is it appropriate to edit? Not sure, I guess I need to figure that out and push the limits.

But in the meantime, its time to start writing again. New blog design and all. Which makes me kind of excited and reenergized. It reminds me of having a whole new set of school supplies on the first day of school, which I loved by the way... yes, I am a dork.

Promise I will circle back around to Zimbabwe and my trip there soon, but here is the immediate skinny for this week.

Last week, I was at my show in Memphis. Show time is always hilarious to me. Hard work, lack of sleep and long hours aside, shows are a sea of humanity. Guests check their brains and many of them, their manners at the door. For example, we tear tickets as guests enter the show. We witnessed a guest trying to put her ticket into the atm machine. Or how about the random celeb's dog who gets loose and is walking the runway while another celeb guest is doing a presentation. Or the worker who among many hilarious stories of her life tells us that her biggest regret was not leaving Memphis when she had the chance in 1942, followed by her times dancing at Elvis' house.

I always return home with hundreds of funny snapshots from a week's time, that are really not funny to anyone but those of us who lived it. And a weariness that requires hibernation in the bat cave for a bit. So that's what I am doing now - sleeping, writing, catching up on the tedious details of life such as bills and grocery shopping. And somewhere in the midst of it all, getting back into routine and hanging out with my friends. And yes, finding my voice and a little bit more courage to keep all 10 of you updated.

Let the Journey Begin: Zimbabwe

2009-05-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I head back to Africa to reclaim my heart.

I look back over the past year and it has been extraordinary. If you had asked me this time last year if I would ever go to Africa, I would have told you no. Not that I didn't think it would be a fun visit at some time, it just was not on my radar of places I wanted to go on vacation. Not that I am not up for adventure, this one just wasn't the forefront adventure on my mind.

God has an interesting plan though...last November, I had the chance to go with five friends to begin the journey of learning how to reclaim the dignity of those with AIDS through IGA's. If it is not already on your schedule, mark it now - May 29th -7pm-10pm - the story of our journey will be told through a gallery show at Warehouse 242 called: Making AIDS Work: Stories of Beauty and Affliction. Prior to going, I could not fathom the injustice, pain and suffering that we would see, nor could I foresee the pain and questions that it would bring into my life. But, I did know that what we would see would be hard and that it would change how I see the world. What I did not know, is that in the midst of that hell, I would see beauty that I have yet to put words to. This gallery show tells the story I have not been able to tell. Please go.

So why Zimbabwe? We have narrowed in on Zimbabwe and Malawi as viable candidates for an IGA and we have the opportunity to not only meet with the leaders in place, but also to take a look at the projects that they are proposing that we support. At this moment, I am excited, overwhelmed, fragile. It is hard to wrap my head around a hell worse than what I experienced in November, but yet that is what I am about to do.

A friend wrote me some beautiful words this week. At the core, the message is this: Whatever, Him-ever. I love it. I have only an inkling of what I am about to experience, but I am humbled at the opportunity and know that whatever I do encounter, God is in the midst of it.

If I have the chance as I am traveling, I am going to send a post to "X" and she will post an update for me. But, if not before, I look forward to sharing the journey with you when I return. Let the journey begin.

Sometimes...

2009-04-15T18:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes....
You have someone in your life that is really frustrating you.
And you are sure that when you see them next, you are probably going to tell them off and punch them in the face.
Hypothetically of course, because I am a lady and could not throw a punch if my life depended on it.
And then they surprise you. When you see them next, they charm your pants off.
And then you are completely perplexed.
Were you imagining it all? Did you really have cause to be frustrated?
Oh well, give me 24 hours, the charm will wear off and I will want to punch them in the face again.
Hypothetically of course, because I am a lady and could not throw a punch if my life depended on it.

There is a Time and a Place

2009-04-12T09:44:00.000-07:00

There is a time and a place.

Imagine with me if you will, Easter Sunday in an area church which will not be identified. (Was not in my home church, those of you who think you are clever)

It is communion time. All churches do this differently - this particular church calls you up by row, starting in the back of the church. A college aged boy decides as he is waiting, that this is the perfect time to discuss his current class load and a particular class he is interested in. He discusses the syllabus, current projects, grades, etc.

Meanwhile, communion is going on. People are crying, hugging, lost in a moment that means a lot to them.

The worship band is singing.

This guy is still behind me having the above conversation, not even bothering to whisper.

I go up for communion, come back, he is still talking. I think he may have even missed his row going up for communion.

I go to the restroom, shooting him a not so kind look, pleading for him to shut up. It's not only inappropriate and disrespectful, but have we discussed that I could care less about his school work???

I come back, he is still talking.

Communion finishes, the pastor calls everyone to worship, we stand up...he is still talking.

I turn around and say, "Excuse me, do you realize how disrespectful this is?"

He apologizes, moves one row back to CONTINUE his conversation, and I get scolded by my mom!

There is a time and a place.

God's Watch

2009-04-11T18:44:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went to the Tenebrae service at W242. It is one of my favorite events of the year as we trek through those moments on the cross. It is a dark service that is full of original writings, original songs and scripture that highlights the story in a unique way that makes it hard to catch your breath.

I have always wished I had a "God's Watch". This term was coined a long time ago with friends as we wished that we knew when the things we desired the most would happen. We decided that if we had God's watch and knew when "it" was going to happen, we could certainly be content in the interim.

As I was experiencing the service last night, a journal entry was read. The author shared a time in her life that life seemed disposable to her as there was nothing to live for. In the midst of recklessness, a mentor gave her hope: 2009. He shared with her that 2009 was the year that he would retire and that he had a vision of her walking up to his house with her husband and child. Things obviously did not change immediately, but she suddenly had something to live for and began to found joy in life.

I felt a shiver. You see, as much as I love this service, I did not want to go. I felt a battle throughout the day of wanting to experience a moment that means a lot to me in the year and being in the midst of community. But when I have been on the road and away from my community, I get used to being a loner and it is hard to fall back into routine. And in the midst of that, I am in a season - a season where God is real in a new way I have not experienced before. There are moments I feel like I am hanging on by a thread and others that I feel wrapped in warmth.

We all have desires. The dreams for ourselves that can make us feel lonely in a crowd of people because they are unmet. I want God's Watch.

I felt a shiver. I was supposed to be there. I may not be given a year written on a piece of paper with a vision of the future, but I was supposed to hear the hope in that story.

I am not forgotten. You are not forgotten. The love affair began with the ultimate sacrifice on that cross and He has not forgotten about us since. Gods Watch. I don't have it, but know there is certainly a plan in place. It is more extraordinary than you or I could ever imagine.

Love Languages

2009-04-09T15:27:00.001-07:00

In my effort to begin a time out, I venture into a holiday weekend - 4 days off of no work, no responsibilities and no plans. It is bizarre - truly. I am so used to having everything mapped out and am in foreign territory! But, I am off to a great start.

I took off a bit early today to begin the experience and was able to have a relaxing lunch outside with one of my best friends, and we loved the sunshine so much, we headed to the park to pop a squat and continue to catch up and relax in the sun. It was great. Interestingly enough, we began to talk about love languages. I had recently studied this in my Wednesday night small group and have been thinking about it some. We discussed what ours was, and not only did it lead to quality conversation, but it was affirmation of how important this time is for me. My love language is time. But how is anybody able to give me the gift of time if I don't stop?

...aha....now we are getting somewhere...

Time Out

2009-04-07T17:32:00.000-07:00

My world recently, has been a world wind. I am finally home for good for awhile, and am grateful, because for once in a very long time, I am pausing. Have you ever gotten so busy, you try to figure out how you got so busy in the first place? So, I am calling a time out to everything - we will see how that goes...

So where have I been? What has been going on? Here is a glimpse and some incomplete thoughts...

Memphis and Chantilly for events.

Pawley's for a wedding.

Hanging out with friends at a wedding. Funny stories of the past in the midst of vino and dancing can make for a big evening. And traveling with a dear friend and catching up on life can energize the soul and remind you that when you feel the house is against you, she will always be there.

Had to get a new car. I have had temper tantrums that could rival a child's as I try to figure out all the gadgets. I might as well be trying to figure out a spaceship. I am positive it could drive itself.

My house got broken into while I was away on one of my trips. They did a lot of damage for a printer. I am sure they were cussing once they worked so hard to get into my house only to find old tv's and not very fancy electronics.

Excitement as the Tarheels show the country they are indeed #1 and have the "one shining moment" that they deserve.

Good talks with friends via phone when I am on the road. Makes me feel connected and grateful, and they make me laugh long into the night.

Show stories - it makes no sense to try and tell them. But what you should know is that even though the stories or the world that I live in makes no sense to you, it is quirky and funny. I could seriously write a book.

I have stepped down from boards, committee's and other commitments in the effort to follow my self-induced time out. I am struggling with knowing that this is the right thing to do and good for me and feeling like I am letting people down.

I met with a new friend today. We had a good conversation that pierced my soul. I think I will keep this person around awhile.

Have started the book, The Shack. I have heard it is a wonderful story and full of layers, but speaking of pauses...there is cause for a pause when reading the forward which says, "I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships, so will our healing. And I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside."

This is a forward that is so timely as we celebrate the ultimate sacrifice this week. The sacrifice that is our healing and leaves us in awe of His grace.

I Hate Packing

2009-03-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

I hate packing for destination weddings. There are tons of events, and you are left to figure out what typical protocol would be for attire vs. what you actually think people are going to dress in. Here's some examples:

Welcome reception at a local popular dockside restaraunt on coastal waterway - 9pm Friday evening -
typical protocol if there on your own time - cute jeans, cute sassy top and heels.
potential pitfalls with protocol - people have traveled into town in comfy jean attire; wedding party dressed up a bit from rehearsal and dinner; group that has not left sorority world mentality and going to where cute black dress like they are going down town.

Wedding Day Brunch at Beach Club
typical protocol - skirt and sweater set
potential pitfalls with protocol - same group overdressing, wedding party underdressed because they are about to head to grooming appointments, people dressed in golf attire.

Wedding at 5:00 NOT 6:00
typical protocol - who the heck knows, because 5:00 is the most confusing time when everyone gets it wrong....
potential downfalls with protocol - guests dressed in 6:00 evening gown attire (and we have established already there is a large group of overachievers); guests who wear their sunday best; those of us trying to find that special balance in between the two.

Now...mix in beach, cold weather, rainy weather, and warm weather...and packing officially becomes a disaster. Which is why I am blogging instead of packing. Guess I better get to it.

Toto, We're Not in Cotswald Anymore...

2009-03-22T20:07:00.000-07:00

This one is too good not to post - even I cannot believe I witnessed this, but then again, I am not sure why I second guess these things anymore. Let me set the scene - I was in a seedy area of town visiting a wholesale dealer in search for a car. (lease was up on current vehicle) Think cheap land, great inventory at great prices, hence location. They were great about letting my brother and I take various cars for test drives. Would hand us the keys and we could drive the car at our leisure for a bit. I got thirsty, so we stopped at a gas station for some water, where I experienced the following.....

As I walk in, I get a couple of interesting propositions from some even more "interesting" guys which I politely decline. I grab a water and head to the counter to check out. In front of me is a girl. She says to the clerk, "You know what I like, grab me a couple of packs."

This is where I think, oh, she knows what brand of cigarettes she likes, must buy them here often. umm...no.

The clerk comes back with two boxes of condoms.

The girl says, "it is not payday, I cannot afford two boxes, I can only afford two."

The clerk then opens a box and rings up two condoms and lets the girl know that the total is $1.76

To which she replies, "I only got a $1.60, I will have to bring you the rest later, here you go." ...and then she leaves.

I would have been happy to provide the 16 cent balance, but I just stood there like an idiot. That totally went in an opposite direction than I EVER expected.

How Can I Top That?

2009-02-19T09:10:00.000-08:00

"X" here! I was all prepared to present an insightful blog related to life, love, money, or some other now insignificant topic due to the breaking news about the Cleavage Caddy. So, I will hold my thoughts for another day as women savor the knowledge that, yes, we now can carry any darn thing we want to in our bras...and we're gonna like it!

A New Level Of Classy

2009-02-18T15:39:00.000-08:00

The neat thing about my job is we see the products as they are hitting the market. Jane Entrepreneur comes up with a great idea and before she hits it big on QVC and Oprah, she gets her start with shows.

So the product of the day?

The Cleavage Caddy....yep, you read it right!

You know the CD holder that fits on the visor in your car? Same concept but you put this in your bra and it holds your cell phone, money, lipstick and your other necessities of the evening. We've all been there ladies, we have all stuffed items into our bras for convenience at one point or another. So don't pretend, you are intrigued!

Check it out: www.cleavagecaddy.com

Now here is the question of the day that goes with the product....when you are getting down and dirty with your big sexy, how does that conversation go when he discovers you are packing goods in your bra like Mary Poppins?

Holy Cat Fight!

2009-02-18T07:14:00.000-08:00

This morning, I woke up and it was rainy and gross outside. I hate waking up to mornings like this. Love sleeping to the rain, but upon waking up, it is the reality that I must walk my dog in it. Yuck.

While we did get that out of the way, it was during that drenched walk, that I decided to take my time going into work today. I have been super busy since I am close to show time and decided to go in an hour later. What did I do with my new found hour of freedom? I watched the first episode of the new season of House Wives of New York on BRAVO.

"Holy Cat Fight!" This is the way the episode started, and the drama continued through out the show. I love that phrase and want to be able to say it (but of course not be in the middle of it!). Sad part is, there will probably we something relevant to apply it to at the show - seriously, shows are a sea of humanity. The words, "there will be NO violence at the women's show" have literally come out of my mouth several times.

Onward with the day...probably going to pay for my secret hour of reality TV...

Introducing a Guest Blogger and our Night of Pizza

2009-02-17T17:24:00.000-08:00

Readers, meet "X". She'll give you a name later, but she is trying to come up with a clever name without revealing her identity. As we know, blogs are the place to vent, share a part of your life that others maybe do not see, or just rat out your friends cleverly. Hence a need to be anonymous. So occasionally, she will log in and let you know what is going on....but in the meantime, she is 30 something, hot, single and living it up in the Queen city. She hangs out with me, what would you expect?

Now, onto important things. As only girlfriends can do, we had a night of laughter over dumb things. Here is a couple of the highlights. You may not get it, but it is still worth noting.

I was supposed to make dinner and had made a big deal out of wanting to cook us dinner. When "X" arrives at my house, I open the door and say:
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I am delighted that you are here. (cause who uses the word delighted? me! but now "X" is going to use it too and has attempted to do so like the movie Clueless this evening in inserting it into sentences. If you do not get this reference, you are not up-to-date on your 90's chick flicks and hence clueless).
"The bad news is that I fell asleep while working and did not make dinner. Where would you like to go, cause I am paying."

I should probably note here, that even though I asked that question, I chose the place by inserting it several times in the choices. And when another choice was chosen by "X", I said how about the Pizza Peel instead?

We arrive at the Pizza Peel, to be greeted by a man, that was the host, but could not speak English. He said, "Rrrrrr yuuuu heeere for mbnksdhjsd?"
To which we replied, "huh"
"Rrrrrr yuuuu heeere for mbnksdhjsd?"
"Excuse me?"
"Rrrrrr yuuuu heeere for mbnksdhjsd?"
I looked around helplessly, thinking I may need to walk to Wendy's and "X" searched her small glimpse in through the door to the Pizza Peel for meaning.
"Rrrrrr yuuuu heeere for mbnksdhjsd?"
"X" glimpses people standing at the bar drinking beer and realizes that he is asking if we are here to eat or for the beer tasting. She quickly saves the day and lets him know that we are there to eat.
New Rule: To be an effective host at a restaurant, one does not have to master the English language, but a general knowledge would be beneficial.

Skip over girl venting, you know...boys, jobs, boys, boys, life, boys

As we order a dessert to share, Tim, the new head chef, decided to come over and introduce himself. Perhaps he is attracted to our sweaty attire from our workouts, or perhaps he feels sorry for the single girls in the sweaty attire from their workouts who have just gorged on pizza. We're gonna go with answer 1. But, he introduces himself, tells us where he is from, asks about what clubs he should check out in the area (maybe looking for an invite??), and then told us how he has taken 10 yrs of ballet, but he does not use it in the club. While we are sure there is a place for ballet facts in conversation, perhaps not first impressions? Man cards are easier to lose these days. So then we proceed, actually I do (Jennifer) to give him permission to take down their current decor and install more TV's for sporting events. Luckily, he agreed as opposed to the owner when I recently shared this insight.

PS - the dessert ended up being enough to feed a 3rd world country. Not gonna share how much was eaten, but what was eaten, was done so through the ballet discussion. Kind of ironic.

As we type this, we realize it is much funnier to us. In fact only funny to us. In fact, worthy of deleting and not publishing this blog entry. But....why the hell not. Maybe if nothing else, you will learn that if you ever start your own restaurant, a fluent English host should be of top priority.

And you can start inserting the word "delightful" into your vocabulary more.

Have a delightful evening and expect future posts from "X"!

xoxo

Hate-Love

2009-02-04T18:14:00.000-08:00

Last week, I shared with you about my bad week and the highlights. I'm not having a bad week this week, but I am not having a great week either. I personally think, that whether or not the the chips are down, if you are surrounded by positive people, it can help you get out of that funk more quickly. (although annoying at times, i admit!) But if you are surrounded by negativity, well, that affects you too. So, I find myself in a bit of a predicament this week - as easy as that advice sounds that you are ready to give to me - get away from the negative people - that is just not possible this week. So I am left counterbalancing it with prayer and song, which always are huge for me. But I am also playing a little game a friend taught me one time called love and hate. So every time I have a negative thought, I have to balance it out with a positive one. After all, my mama always said, "You have the same pants to get glad in, that you got mad in." Here's a few of mine, what are some of yours?

I hate that I settle for my good, instead of waiting for HIS best.
I love that HE has a best for me.

I hate that I just received my Ulta Rewards catalog and that I not only spent so much money there this quarter that I am at the top category level, but because they do not expect people to spend that much, that level of prizes is not listed and I do not know what i am getting.
I love that I have something big coming my way for free and the mystery of it all.

I hate the awkward conversation that has to eventually happen and I am avoiding.
I love the version my heart has for the outcome.

I hate the long hours of show time and the stress that it brings.
I love feeling like a rock star when it all comes together -its a high that I cannot describe and is very addicting.

I hate the process of training my dog, it frustrates me greatly.
I love cuddling with her and that even on the days I feel the whole world is against me, I walk into my house and she loves me unconditionally.

I hate putting sheets on the bed.
I love clean sheets.

I hate working out this week - the medicine ball and the intervals are getting on my nerves.
I love that despite my loathing this week, I have been at the gym everyday and the way my body feels when I have kicked its ass in gear.

I hate the cold weather.
I love cuddling underneath a blanket.

I hate my dependence on caffeine.
I love my diet coke.

I hate that my week is so full that I have not had a lot of time to read this week.
I love the current book I am reading.

I hate buying my own flowers.
I love tulips and plan on buying some anyway this week.

I hate that my hairdresser mysteriously left my salon the day before I am scheduled to get my hair done.
I love getting my hair done and am thankful that one of my BSR girls is able to fit me in her schedule on the same day and only an hours difference than what I had previously scheduled.

I hate sometimes that writing is like breathing to me.
I love that I see my soul clearly in the midst of written word.

I hate that sometimes people only see the good acts I do and don't get why I do them.
I love giving back and seeing lives transformed.

I hate shopping with my mother and am not looking forward to our venture on Saturday.
I love spending time with her and will put aside my hate for the aforementioned planned activity.

What do you hate?
What do you love?

Just Another Night of Fundraising

2009-01-30T20:31:00.000-08:00

If you live in the Queen city, and if you are in a certain social group of friends, you are very familiar with the Guys and Dolls Auction that happens in February to raise money for the Cystic Fybrosis Foundation. For some time, there has been 2-3 events a week, and tonight there was another one at one of our favorite watering holes.

You know, it is always interesting the people you meet and the experiences you have on a night out on the town. Here is a few from the evening as I worked the door to the event.

Upselling the price of admission - The ticket is $10 OR admission and all the Miller Light you can drink for $20. We all knew it, but it was the official test. "All you can drink" is not attractive when it is Miller Light. But, when you have a hot and lively sales girl at the door, anything is possible.

I introduced someone to "Pancake" and that someone was excited to announce he was "Cupcake". Apparently, he gained that nickname in college and has decided it IS suitable for adulthood. He has made a shirt for it and everything. He apparently has not learned that being a dude and called cupcake is not a positive thing. If he hasn't already, he officially lost his man card tonight.

Apparently, the wierdness continues in Cupcake's household. He introduced his roommate as the "man hor". Upon asking why, he said that he finds that it helps with girls because girls like a bad boy. #1. I know good guys that are man hors, that does not make you a "bad boy". #2. The fact that you have to introduce yourself that way makes you look like a poser and you lose credibility.

There is always someone who wants the benefits without the payment. In an effort to be playful and not pay, I got the excuse, "I have been to every event this season except two." My response? "Do you have a doctor's note?" Answer: "No" My response? "Good, you owe me $20".

Or how about the girl I met recently that freaked me out. She shared with my guy friends that she does not think that I remember her. I remember you, you just freaked me out when we met because it was a stalker like experience. Thus I keep my distance. Do you blame me? Really, I am sure you are a lovely girl.

How about the random guy that was not there for the event but definitely with his wife for a night out on the town. Had a little bit of crush on the before mentioned hot and lively sales girl at the door and believes the load of BS that she feeds him. He sees that she is making change out of a Bank of America bag. After asking about the charity, he says, "You bank at Bank of America" (excitedly as he shares his employee badge). "Yes, we bank at BOA, so we are not only raising money for charity, we are also helping keep your job.) He bought a $20 ticket and came back later with a more money "just because", but quickly ran away when his wife joins the "just because" conversation. If the hot and lively sales girl personally banks at BOA is it a complete stretch of the truth? Church is on Sunday right?

It's just Friday folks, got a whole weekend ahead of me for the wierdness to continue...

My Gossip for the Week

2009-01-28T18:43:00.000-08:00

I have a theory about Facebook's popularity. I am not sure if anyone will actually admit, but hey, we all know I have no filter, so here it is - Facebook is a polite way of gossiping.

I figured this out recently, when I was with a group of women who made a lot of comments to me based on what they had followed on mine and some of my friends Facebook pages. There were questions of whether there was a rift between myself and one of my best friends because they had not seen us together in the latest pictures posted on Facebook. They weren't with me, but in following some of the conversations between myself and others, they had pretty much mapped out where I had been over the past few weeks. And some other stuff that I will not post here (or anywhere else for that matter) because it would continue to fan the flames of gossip in a situation I don't even understand myself.

The point is, we now follow each others lives through Facebook. We do not have to pick up the phone and interface with the other person, we can have an entire relationship with them through Facebook. Don't get me wrong, I am guilty of it too, but for the record, I don't care if it is an interested boy or a friend catching up - I am the girl that craves a phone call. I am a girl that craves an e-mail - it doesn't matter if it is e-mail in Facebook - but I want to dialogue and know what is happening with you. And I want to know you care about what is happening to me too. And for goodness sakes, if I e-mail you, please reply back. Besides being a pet peeve, it also hurts my feelings, but I guess that is a rant for later. Point is, I should not have to leave it in a status for you to keep up with my life.

So, here is the gossip with me this week - let me know what is going on with you!

Monday: Was a long day! I had been out sick the majority of last week and I paid the penalty. With the exception of an hour of cardio with my bff and training with my lovely trainer Alice for an hour, I worked from wee hours of the morning until midnight. But, the highlight was time with bff and phone call and text from my other bff let me know he was back in town and wanting to catch up with me.

Oh and for those that trek with me on this blog, lover boy was back at the reception desk at the gym, and could barely check in my friend because he was so googly eyes over me. He is starting to creep me out, which is a shame, because I really love my gym! Poor kid, I know it is a sweet little crush on his part, but again, its a bit creepy. At least it keeps the gym entertained. I guess.

Tuesday: Was HELL. Long story short, something happened that cost me a lot of money (think lots of zero's) and beyond the money, there is "the principles of the matter" that leave me fuming. The fight is far from over, but the initial debate left me livid, hurt, and feeling sucker punched by the recession.

In addition, we have a little problem with birds at my office that a couple times of year, they descend on our parking lot and crap on all of the cars. Now as you are reading this, think "Alfred Hitchcock esque" scene. You could barely see the paint or the windows of my jeep. One would think that this is just a quick fix at the local auto bell. Nope. First auto bell had broken equipment. Next I went to a gas station car wash, after three attempts with the cashier and driving through the lane, the cashier still could not give me a valid car wash code. Got refund and went to two more gas stations, car wash was broken at each. Finally went to another auto bell and they were able to help me out. Of course as the kid tells me my jeep is ready, he asks if I know a random girl. When I say no, he says that I look exactly like his godmother. Cause that is what I want to hear at the end of my crappy day.

But again, there always has to be a highlight, and that is dinner with girlfriends that I can vent to. Incidentally, we ate at Andrew Blairs as part of Queens Feast. Excellent food, waitstaff and environment - check it out!

Wednesday: I don't want to get out of bed because again, Tuesday was hell. It makes much more sense to hide for the day and read the rest of my great book. But I don't. I get up and face the world, because if I don't, they win, and I am much too competitive to let that happen. It wasn't a terrible day, just....there.

For me though, on the crappy days, just there days or even the best of days, there is always a highlight. Today there was many. It was coming home at the end of the day to a note from my bff. She had stopped in to hang out at my house for a bit, and left me a love note and loved on my dog. It was walking into small group and getting hugs from a group of people that support and love me no matter what. It was their children running up to me and hugging me and bouncing on my shoulders. It was a home cooked meal and a lot of laughter with friends. It was a great Bible study and seeing God's grace and compassion. It was seeing the Deacs make the winning shot at the buzzer against Duke. It was telling a six year old with her daddy that Duke is evil and teaching her valuable lessons such as these that all Tarheel fans teach their children. It was having a great e-mail in my Facebook inbox when i checked my account and fond memories from an old friend.

So there you have it - my gossip thus far for the week. It's not the most exciting, but you would have never gotten all of that from my status on Facebook.

Today We Are One

2009-01-20T08:46:00.000-08:00

At this moment in time, our entire country is pausing. It does not matter whether you are at work or at home, you are riveted by this moment with your breath baited. We are riveted by history unfolding before us on TV. The moment as President Elect Barack Obama walks down the regal blue carpet on his way to be sworn in.

What goes through his mind at this very moment? I imagine it is surreal. I imagine that he is remembering his grandmother who past away before he won an election that made history. I imagine he is seeing quick images of his path that has led to this point. The sacrifices made, the long hours, the peaks and the valleys.

Can you hear the roar of the crowd at this moment? We hear it, We see it on TV, but I feel as though I can feel the rumble all the way from Washington, DC in Charlotte, NC. History happens NOW.

But what do you do with it?

It has been said by past presidents that while today is great, tomorrow is what changes the president's life. Tomorrow morning as you sleep in your warm bed, he awakes as a public servant and sits in on his very first morning briefing on the state of the United States. The state of the world. And as past presidents have openly admitted, that is when they age. That is when the heaviness of the job ahead of them, sets in deeply in their hearts. Because at that time, they see unbarred, the evil in the world around us and very occasionally, see glimpses of good.

He is not the man I voted for, but he is my president and yours. And despite my political views, I am proud, weepy and hopeful at this moment. I am encouraged by the people united together. Not because our countrymen have fallen due to tragedy. Not because a president has been assassinated. But because we see the hope in this one moment in history, and have put aside our agenda's, in the hope of good in the midst of uncertainty.

IMAGINE what we could do at this very moment as ONE.

So I ask you again. History happens NOW, what are you going to do with it?

You watched past presidents and vice presidents walk down those stairs today. Each of them have left office hoping that history will honor them. They have made mistakes, but each of them have also done a lot of good. And they pray that the good, will also be a part of the legacy that is written in history books, and not just their mistakes.

What is your legacy? What do you want to be remembered for? What dreams do you have for yourself and for your country? Like these past presidents, we have each made mistakes. The difference is that ours have not been on a platform for the entire free world to see and judge. But today, today you can start new as well. One man, cannot bring change about himself. He needs his country behind him. "Greatness is never a give me. It must be earned...Today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin the work of restoring America." What is your legacy? What do you choose to do NOW?

History is full of comebacks. History is full of greatness. Your definition of greatness and the results achieved is up to you.

The Conversation That Only Makes Sense to the Girls

2009-01-18T16:52:00.000-08:00

This is a little story of quotes that begins with plans to go to a favorite burger joint after church.

"Can we go get pancakes instead?"
2 girls bust out in laughter, as prayer begins. Once prayer ends,
"Yes, we can go for pancakes, where do you want to go? Who has a good brunch? Eddie's place? 131 Main?"
We end up at some place off of South Blvd.

"Can we have the breakfast menu's instead of the lunch menu's?"
"Sure, but just so you know, we are not serving pancakes anymore today."
"We can go somewhere else."
"No, my desire to watch football, is greater than my desire to go to another restaurant."

"What can I get ya'll to drink?"
"Diet Coke please."
"Are you ok with Pepsi products? They serve Pepsi products here..."
"I guess I am today."

"Random woman walks up to table."
"Excuse Me, are ya'll just getting started?"
"Yes."
"Did she just ask us that because she thinks we need to move for her family? Is she going to ask us to move?"
"Yes."
"She has a Louis. My Louis is special edition. Take that!"
"I am not moving, I am menstrual."
"Did they just open up a room her? Now that upsets me. Now that encourages that Bitch that she can always have her way."
"She has a Burberry coat too."

"Did she just bring me a Diet Pepsi in a bottle? I want fountain."
"Ewwww...I smell onions. gross. ughhh, that man ordered food with tons of onions on top of it."
"She is in one of her moods."
"I'm menstrual!"
"Here is 2 midol."
"I think she should take 4"

"We don't typically order this much food, but we are..."
"I'm hungry"
"I'm menstrual"
"Just order the food, nobody cares"
"ughh, I got to exercise tomorrow."

(insert private conversation here)

"Look wonder woman is wearing a bandanna!"

Pietermeritzburg - Part 2

2009-01-18T13:19:00.000-08:00

As with Port Shepston and Positive Ray, now that we knew a bit about ECAP, it was time to see their program at work. The first stop was The Entabeni AIDS Relief Sanctuary, which is a church. They call their ECAP program TEARS, which is based on Psalm 106:5, "those who will serve with tears will reap hearts of joy." The site where the church stands used to be an Islamic School. They serve two settlements in the area. In addition to daily checking in with the infected in these settlements, they serve food to 200 people a week and distribute clothing to them.

As we enter, there is a group of women in the back. I am drawn to them and the children with them. It would later be confirmed in our time there, but they are infected. As I hold one of their children, my eyes are drawn to a sign that will hold my attention through our discussion here, which says, "comfort comes after struggle". I question, what if there is no "after the struggle"? What if that is all we ever know is the struggle?

While they tell us about their program, they pass around a photo album. I have always loved looking at people's pictures. Some of them are sad, you see the hopelessness in many eyes. But I am hopeful because I see that this community is making a difference in these lives, even if it is only addressing basic needs. Then I get to the end. I see a picture of a beautiful child asleep. I smile. And then I gasp in horror, my breath stops, I feel like I have been slapped in the face and my heart hurts. This child is not asleep, she is dead, she is in a coffin. This is where I typically run, but where am I going to run to? Besides, this is their reality everyday. I pass the album onto the next person, I have no clue what is said for our remainder of time there, I just find myself praying that I will not be paralyzed for the remainder of the day. I refuse to click my ruby slippers together and wish for home, I am here for a reason.

We hike down a hill into the settlement, and are split up. As with the other settlements we went to, these "homes" are so small, we cannot all fit into one and that would be overwhelming. The first one the worker takes us into actually belongs to her sister. I had suspected this before, but it is confirmed that some of these workers that work in their communities, have AIDS themselves. They are both beautiful. We pray with them.

We meet Goodness and her daughter next. Her daughter is perhaps 1 or 2 and like her parents, infected. She also has clubbed feet and some other medical conditions going on. I am struck with how clean the child is - I know this is strange, but the casts on both of her feet have no trace of dirt. Her skin is smooth and has had lotion rubbed on it so it will not become dry. She is the first child I have come across that you cannot see the ashiness of their skin from far away. I ask if I can hold her, and when I pick her up she cries at the top of her lungs. Our suspicion is that the only people that touch her besides her parents are doctors and obviously that is probably not a positive experience.

We then go to another cluster of huts. At each of the stops before, they split us up and tell us which homes to go into. Somehow I get left out of the assignments and I am not quite sure what to do with myself. Suddenly some children come running out of a home and I walk over to play with them for a few moments. They are dirty. They are ashy. But they are curious, beautiful, unaware. I want to pack them in my suitcase and take them home.

The pastor comes out and instructs his wife to start taking us back up the hill to the cars because we still have a few more stops and are on a tight schedule. I feel like I have been robbed. I am not quite sure why, but I feel like I have more to do in this settlement. As I am starting to walk up the hill, I am asked to come into a home with the pastor as he has some photo's to give to a couple. He wants me to pray for them.

The home is beside the home of the children I was playing with. I walk in and a woman is cooking cheese on a hot plate. It smells disgusting and I push back the vomit that is creeping up. I turn around and see a teenage boy and girl sitting on the bed that consumes the house. They are lifeless. I have never seen two people look so dead when they are alive. The pastor comes in and hands them two photos. I try to see them, to figure out what the photos are. The teenage girl begins crying with her entire being. The boy cries silently beside her. I see the pictures and I know I am going to be physically ill. It is the girl in the coffin. That baby was their daughter. And the second picture is of the baby when she is still alive. I begin sobbing too. I sit on the bed, I hold them. The woman clings to me. I pray. I have no clue what words are coming out of my mouth, but I know God hears them. I cry for these two kids. I cry for the baby who looks like a china doll in the coffin. I cry for these lives. How can there be a next generation? I do not want to leave, but it is time. I leave shattered and its not even lunch time.

Our next visit is with an Indian family. As we drive up, I think that they live in a lovely home. As we enter, I realize that this home is actually tons of small rooms that people rent and not so lovely after all. The wife and husband are both infected and they have two daughters. The wife shares their story. They were separated and she got very sick. After visiting her doctor, she finds out she is infected, and she knows she needs to find her husband to let him know he needs to get tested. When she does find him, he is very sick, and they get him tested just in time to get him on ARV's because his counts are 46. They get back together. How ironic that infection saved their marriage? Their families will have nothing to do with them. She says she does not want anything from them, just the relationship. What doesn't make sense to her is that if she were to die tomorrow, her family will have a big, proper funeral for her and celebrate her life like they have been a part of the journey, when today they will not accept a phone call.

Our final stop of the day is to a church that just finished training with ECAP. The group of girls are just that - girls. They are again my peers, being heroic and facing the death around them. We see that as being heroic in the states, yet this heroism is their reality. Whether they choose to do something or not, it is what they live with. There is a bit of comedy to the moment as they are required to speak English to us. Some talk. One girl pantomimes what she is trying to say. I want to laugh, not because I am making fun, but because it is cute and a much needed comedic relief for the day. We lay hands on them and pray for the work they are about to begin. We think of how W242 laid hands and commissioned us; and in a way, we feel like they are with us in this moment as we commission these girls. They sing for us and I feel like in the midst of their amazing voices, I have seen a glimpse of heaven in the midst of hell.

Blind Item #4

2009-01-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

She is 5'3

______ broke her heart and made her 5'2

Then, ________ broke her heart and made her 5'1

She's positive if it happens again, she will be chopped off at the knees

I read tonight that the path of a single girl can be a hard one at times and that a kick ass pair of hot shoes, makes the path a bit easier. Maybe some hot fmp's with a kitten heel will help? After all, if you are not feeling it, fake it. If you are losing inches, buy some height and stand tall.

Another Day at the Grocery Store...yes the saga continues

2009-01-14T20:40:00.001-08:00

This week, is the week of dinner parties. I have a dinner party or dinner with a friend planned every night this week. And while it is not abnormal for me to be on the go every night, it is a bit huge as I took a bit of a sabbatical for December and hid in the bat cave. So either I forgot the intensity of the random moments that are my life, or they just got more crazy. I don't know which, but here is one for you from today.

I was cooking for a friend tonight and also hosting for dinner on Friday, so I thought I would grocery shop for both at the same time. Went to Trader Joe's earlier in the day, but lets face it, they don't have some of the ingredients that us southern gals use to make a recipe mmmm, mmmm, good, which means a second pit stop. Since I only needed a few more ingredients, I decided to forego the extra mile to the Teeter and stop at the local Food Lion. Yes, the fun begins there...

Scenario 1:
Group of girls and their kids are on the hunt for hot dog ingredients. One would think that they have heard of the concept of hot dogs but not actually ever had them by the way they were carrying on in trying to figure out the ingredients. Do you use buns or regular bread? Regular hot dogs, jumbo, beef, turkey, cheese dogs? Mayo? Mustard? What about lettuce and tomato? Chips or french fries? What about some ho ho's? Relish? Where do you think they keep chili? With the soups? Now imagine this with curlers in their hair, bedroom slippers on their feet and their children racing up and down the aisles no matter what is in their way - including unassuming me with my cart.

Scenario 2:
Another group of women, random guy and children. Lead women in loud voice that you can hear a couple of aisles over, tells them all what to get off the aisles while yelling at them if they don't get the cheapest product. In between this excitement, children land on the DIRTY floor and start rolling around, convulsing and having rolling races down the aisles. Yes, faces are touching DIRTY floor.

Now imagine both scenario's following you from aisle to aisle. You find the first 3 items you need, but cannot find the 4th even after looking on each aisle a few times. Which means you keep encountering all of the above several times.

I finally tell them the chili is not with the soups, it is with the canned meat. Step over God knows, how many children and completely abandon the grocery cart. I can't get to the Teeter fast enough and if the second verse is the same as the first, I surely am going to shoot myself.

The Teeter was better, just encountered "the whistler" that seems to always be there when I am. She whistles very loud, and whole songs and is completely unaware that the entire store can not only hear her but is also looking at her in disgust. Oh well, while I am typically annoyed at her, this is heaven compared to Food Lion.

On another note, last nights dinner party was fun and one you should try. A friend of mine recently sent out an email to 150 people suggesting that people get together and have dinner with random strangers and mix up the social setting a bit. All who were interested were to reply back and also let him know if they were interested in hosting a dinner. Everyone wanted to do it and as a result, tons of dinner parties are taking place across the city with strangers. It has even caught the attention of the paper who may do a story on it. But I digress, I had a blast and made 4 new friends (I did already know the host). So try it sometime with your group, you never know who you will meet!

Just Another Day at the Gym

2009-01-13T20:33:00.000-08:00

As I was signing in at the gym today, the guy working the desk says, "you look like that girl...you know, the lead singer from the Dixie Chicks." Whatever, I'll roll with it, because who knows at this point whether this is a good or a bad thing to him. So I reply in return, ..."er...wow, I have never heard that one before. I hope that is a good thing. I sure wish I had her bank account." He replies back, "uh yeah, she is really pretty." OK, I will go with that, that's sweet. I thank him and go on my merry way with my trainer. I think that is the end.

Of course not, cause this is my life we are talking about.

Alice the trainer has me working my ass off and doing weird exercises, with weird names. She has figured out very quickly that I am a klutz and she labels these as "stability exercises". I secretly know she is making sure I won't fall off the equipment when she is not around.

Here I am doing a plank on a ball, same guy pops out of nowhere in search of a kid who was walking through.

Now I am working with the medicine ball, he pops out of nowhere again and notifies us he found the kid, and has authorized him to run on the track.

Onto weights while on a step, balancing on one leg, flexing another. Guy comes again to make sure kid running has not bothered us or gotten in our way. We tell him we are fine.

I say to Alice, "wow, that kid is pretty serious about his front desk job."
Alice asks, "How old do you think he is?"
"14?"
"Nope. 25. He has a crush on you."

And I almost fall off the step, while balancing one leg, flexing another and holding up weights.
I'm suddenly creeped out.

My "luck" with weirdo's continues. Fabulous.

I Remember That Girl

2009-01-12T20:01:00.000-08:00

Last week, my cousin Aubrey came into town to visit. Life has been hard for her in recent months, and the cruel reality has left her questioning what is next. She came to spend time with her cool cousin, but she also came to heal, to hide, to pause and catch her breath.

Do you remember that girl or boy? You know the one. The one that no matter how ideal or tumultuous his/her life had been up to that point, graduation from high school was only the beginning of the story and they were going to conquer the world. The one that was invincible. The one that had the 4 year, 5 year, 10 year plan. The one that could give you every detail of the "one" they would marry and what their future would look like. The one that may not know what he/she was going to do with their life, but was sure they would not repeat the mistakes they saw and it was going to be amazing. YOU. Do you remember you, at that moment?

I remember me well. I knew my plan for college. I knew I was going to kick some ass as an attorney. I knew I was going to fall madly in love and marry Mr. Wonderful. I didn't know what, but I knew I was going to do something amazing. Somewhere, I took several u-turns and in the midst of those u-turns, life got redefined.

It's hard to watch - the crashing halt of another life as they come to the realization that the path they were on has changed and they are grieving what could have been. It is not just the love lost, it is the dreams that were tied to that love. The chapters that they saw in their future that are never to be written. And it hurts watching the person grieve because you have been there. You know exactly what they are feeling and the words they have not even begun to figure out how to say.

She asked me if I regret any of it? If the pain goes away? I told her that I do not regret any of it because without all of it, I would not be the person I am today. And as much as some of it hurt, when it was good, it was really good, and I cherish those memories. And the pain does go away. Its a slow process, but one day, its almost as if your brain and your heart fall into sync and you realize that it no longer hurts and you are going to be OK.

And for all of the u-turns? Well, they were a divine gps that took me a path that I could have never imagined for myself. A path that is better and more extraordinary, and pretty amazing. It has the capacity to still hurt and when it does, it cuts deep. But, I wouldn't trade it.

Yes, I remember that girl well. She is still very much alive and still has very big dreams.

Read Me Please

2009-01-06T10:06:00.000-08:00

Another post on Africa to come this week, but in the meantime, read this article!

From The Times UK:
As an atheist, I truly believe Africa needs God Missionaries, not aid money, are the solution to Africa's biggest problem - the crushing passivity of the people's mindset http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/matthew_parris/artic
le5400568.ece

2009: The Year of Awkward Moments

2009-01-04T21:00:00.000-08:00

I recently challenged you to set a theme for your year instead of a resolution (see What's Your Theme). I have done this for several years now and I find that it becomes a mission statement for my year. Being business-minded, when I am weighing decisions, I tend to come back to my theme(s) and it guides me. What's my theme?

To be honest, I have struggled with my theme for the year. And finally I realized, I really knew it all along, but did not have words... let me explain...

2008 broke my heart. It was fractured by a boy, it was shattered by Africa.

2008 brought many blessings. I am constantly staggered by how God has blessed me by my friends, my small group, my family - these people love me in a way I do not deserve and make me want to be a better person. They believe in me in the moments I do not believe in myself.

2008 brought success professionally and philanthropically. I was a rock star and was even nominated for an award.

2008 challenged me to make my Jesus more than a check list. I never meant for it to get that way, but somehow in the daily to do's, I had put Him in a box. And when I opened that box, He whispered sweet nothings in my ear and I felt His love in a whole new way. He took me on journey's I never experienced. He healed me in ways I did not know I was broken.

2008 brought fun trips. I traveled with 15 friends to the Dominican Republic and 5 very special ones to Africa. And in between were scattered trips to Orlando, Memphis, Atlanta, multiple beaches, the mountains, Tunica, and several other places filled with laughter and snapshots of memories I will remember when I am 80.

2008 brought new friends and sometimes I wonder where they have been all along.

This list could go on, but the point is did you know any of this? A select few do, but most do not. I am one of the most private and shy people you will ever meet. And while many of you find that shocking, my inner circle knows how very true this is. There is a value to not putting all your junk out there for the world. But there is a value to spreading your wings, being vulnerable and allowing people to see you.

As I listened to Bruce on Sunday, I finally had the words. I really had them all along, but its scary to utter them out loud, because to say them makes them real and the accountability begins. So as we dip our toes into 2009, my theme is this, to live fully by being vulnerable and letting people in and being less guarded. To break through the barriers that I fear to the point of paralysis. To wade through the awkward moments and continue to become the woman He made me to be.

Blind Item #3

2009-01-02T14:25:00.001-08:00

"She looks desperate."

"She always looks desperate."

"Is she faking or for real?"

"For the love, just let me out."

enter cackling of laughter....

Blind Item #2

2009-01-02T12:33:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like you entered a game of Russian Roulette without realizing it, but by the time you figure it out, you know you are going to lose? I am waiting for the big gesture.

Back to Africa - Pietermeritzburg - Part 1

2008-12-30T20:13:00.000-08:00

Its interesting, when you have a blog. You never really know how many people, if any, are reading. The question remains sometimes, are you writing for an audience or are you writing for yourself? I guess maybe both. You may get some comments through blog world at times, otherwise it tends to be anonymous. But, strangely enough, I keep getting comments about Africa, and so I want to start by saying thanks for your interest. I want people to know. It's a strong statement, but truth - I feel haunted by the trip. I will not share our outcome until I am done telling the journey, but I will say this. The task was not to build something. (see second Africa blog on our mission details) So while building something is noble and needed and something I would love to have the opportunity to do as well, the journey is a long one ahead of us and I want to do something now. So I feel haunted by what to do now, to make sure that we are doing something about what we saw, and honoring the people who shared their stories. In the interim, the solution is telling our story, and I am thankful you want to read it. That said, people are waiting for more, and I apologize I took a longer break on the subject than I planned. Its still hard finding some of the words, and I struggle to make sure I am not forgetting anything.

This evening, we begin our story on Pietermeritzburg. My first impressions of this area, were of its beauty. We stayed at a Christian conference center that was set in a very idealic setting. While the environment was more dorm like on the inside, the house that we stayed in looked like a charming cottage on the outside, complete with a beautiful waterfall outside the window. Green blankets of grass. Beautiful trees and flowers. And monkeys that incidentally tried to attack Stevan when he tried to take their picture the next morning.

The HOPE for AIDS program that we met with in Pietermeritzburg is called ECAP. Here are the details, and the stories of the people we met will be in Part 2.

ECAP stands for Essa Christian AIDS Program. They have two phases of training.

Phase one is education and includes/teaches:
Interactive drama to show what HIV/AIDS is
Awareness & prevention
Theological reflection
Level playing field for gender equity (this is not received well due to the culture)
How to counsel patients

Phase two is practical application and includes/teaches:
Training for home based care
Housekeeping
Administration

Their goal is to empower the workers when they are on the field.

Before we went out into the field, we had the opportunity to go to the program center. We learned about the above components of their training program and about their recruitment process, which happens in the church. They work hard at building relationships with the various pastors and once they have gained the pastors trust, the pastor will allow them to get up and explain what their program is and offer to the congregation the opportunity to be trained as a home care worker. Just because you enroll, does not mean that you get to be a part of the program. Only eight participants will be chosen out of three churches. Remember that this is huge for a number of reasons. Even though it is the church, they do not address the problem of AIDS. It is not spoken about, so to allow someone to come into your church to do so is huge. Also, just as sex is not commonly talked about in western churches, it is not talked about here either. Part of their training involved having very detailed conversations about it. Lastly, gender equity is a huge concept because women are a commodity.

Before we leave, we have the opportunity to go into a training class. It was the first time, that people openly spoke Zulu to us and it is not in hushed whispers. Zulu is beautiful to hear in constant motion and I am transfixed. They could be cussing at me and I would think it is beautiful. I sit there wishing I could capture it all on tape.

Yvonne has the opportunity to talk to the class. She asks them why they are studying with ECAP? Why do they want to train to be a home-based care worker?
"Many people are infected, I want to help them."
"A lot of families in our church have lost family members, but they do not talk about it."
"If a family member has it, it is called anything but HIV - TB even - but everyone knows what it really is."
"My dream is to decrease HIV"

Kurt than explains who we are. That we want to find a way to help. What our goals are.

They do not know us. We have not done a thing. But the fact that we want to try, they act indebted to us. They want to sing for us and our journey of song in Africa continues. I feel that I am in heaven and I don't want the singing to stop. I want to cry with joy. They hug us. They tell us thank you. We have yet to do anything but arrive.

I'll Never Tell

2008-12-30T19:52:00.000-08:00

I love my girls. I hope you have that group. Let me tell you about mine.

There are four of us and I love them dearly. As with any group of friends, we each bring something different to the group. We have different hobbies, listen to different music, love different sports and sports teams. Put us in a store and we will head in four different directions for fashion. But we love each other. In a way our friendship is private. A lot of the same people know each of us. And they know we are friends, but I am not sure that they know how close. They don't know the ab workouts of laughter we have shared and the gut wrenching tears. They don't know the unedited conversations. They don't know that we have a special place where we eat dinner each month - this place can be completely crowded, but in that moment, it is just us, stopping the spin cycle that is our lives to catch up with each other. They don't know that we have a private getaway outside of Charlotte that we have begun sneaking to for girls weekend.

Don't get me wrong, its not all rosy. Just as we see each others strengths, we clearly see each others weakness'. The people you love the most in the world, you take for granted. The fuse is shorter - so you get annoyed more quickly, angered more quickly. But, you also love more quickly. It is a true friendship in every sense of the word. We have had some confrontations for sure, but we have worked through them. We have been on a roller coaster of emotions. We are a family.

And as you read this, I am high off the love fest we just had. We shared life. The hard stuff that is going on. We interrupted each other. We poked fun at each other. We remembered. We planned for future events - that secret getaway, one of us needs the others for something in February and pulling together to support her in her time of need. We held each other accountable.

And, as usual we laughed. Hard. A lot. Frequently. With joy.

But, I'll never tell. Its ours, its pure, its sacred.

Blind Items Begin - #1

2008-12-28T22:36:00.000-08:00

I. Had. A. Moment. of. Inspiration.

Pardon the drama, it just happens so rarely....I am often told that I could have my own little reality tv show to chronicle the wacky and crazy moments of my life and the people i meet along the way. So as I close out my evening reading "blind items" about celebs, the light bulb insued, why not do blind items on my blog. now, for you greedy mongrels who think you are going to get dirt, my lips are sealed. as i have told you before, it is is a secret, i will go to the grave with it unless otherwise told not to. It will not be everyday, but the blind items will just pop in and out with some type of saucy story from my nights out on the town.

So...BLIND ITEM #1
not saucy but a little funny.
this *queen* city exec got early retirement from his scandalous np firm and his new gig starts tomorrow as he continues his role in collegiate minority education down the street. i asked if he could get me some lessons on how to step? He looked at me like I was crazy, but seriously, haven't you all wanted to know how to step? Stepping is just amazing to watch (and describing it that way shows how very white I am)! Figured we could have a McAlway Manor step team and a BSB Step team. It could inspire a whole new genre of the teenage cheerleading movie's with a little bit of a cross of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Cheer Camp. Now for the BSB's, we have our fearless leader, newly certified SJ who inspires us to shake our booties everyday. We just need to sign on Mandy, Lindsey or Hayden to give it that teenage angst. For the McAlway Manor Team - well there is enough queens to help us figure it out - especially of Big Mama made a visit from WV. That battle would be fierce for sure. Any takers?

A Message From Daddy Wallin

2008-12-28T13:06:00.000-08:00

Throughout the year, I get cards from my parents. They are amazing people that love me well. In each card with the message of the moment, I get scripture. A bit of wisdom from my daddy that he is praying about for me at that moment. His choice for my Christmas card was interesting and one that he has led me to often throughout the years.

Matthew 6:33-34
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself, sufficient for today is its own trouble.

And before I got into the love fest of the card as to how much they love me and are proud of me, he added this to the verse.

Let God continue to guide you so you can be in the center of His will.

I pray the same for you friends.

What's Your Theme?

2008-12-26T17:20:00.000-08:00

It's easy isn't it? To go through an experience so big, and in the midst of your struggle to figure out how to incorporate it into your story, you stuff it into a compartment because it cannot be contained with a neat bow.

The answer is yes, for those that asked. I got all of the to do's done for Christmas. (Well, minus a bit of baking that still needs to be completed for neighbors.) I survived the mall and vowed not to leave until I had shopped for every last person on my list. There were some moments of desperation mind you - but it got done, followed by the grocery store, cleaning the house and wrapping. But the hours of shopping are quickened as the gifts are unwrapped in mere seconds and we are left again looking at the year ahead and assessing the year behind us.

I find that there are themes to discussions throughout the year. Have you ever noticed? If you tend to hang out with the same people, you go through themes of topics that you can depend on for awhile; and the new topic begins, it is recycled for a bit and then then the cyclical cycle continues. What is interesting however, is when you hang out with various groups of friends as I do, how the topics stay on parallel tracks at least 80% of the time. The opinions and weight the group gives the topic may change, but yet the same topics keep surfacing, sometimes inspired by completely unrelated events.

Here are a few topics circling recently and the conversations that have inspired them:

Relationships
Twilight Book Series (Why are girls so into it? It has become the ultimate love story that girls want for themselves.)
Multiple engagements (It's that time of year. I am personally now in double digits of friends engaged this season.)
Loneliness (Again, that time of year)
Divorce (Some friends - a number of couples - getting separated/divorced and it shakes the foundation that people believe in a bit.)
Family (Depending on the one you come from, can either build you up or tear you down and the height of both can come during the holidays.)

Financial
Recession
Loss of Jobs
Just want to be prepared because there is a lot to be afraid of right now
Stocks are dropping
Refinancing

So two topics - could list more - and the subtopics of how they came up. What have you been talking about? How is it shaping your day to day life? Words have power. They can inspire you. They can slowly kill your soul.

You got five days left until we ring in 2009. Forget the resolutions. What do you want your theme to be? You see, unless you have a clearly defined theme, the popular conversations of your friends become your theme. Doesn't mean you don't have the conversation, just means you know where your heart is at the end of the day and don't get buried in the muck. So here is your challenge. Find your theme for 2009.

For me, 2008 was about being more financially savvy and pursuing my Jesus beyond a "to do" list. Both are still a work in progress, but for the most part, I think I achieved what I started out to do. The interesting thing about a theme is that it becomes a bit of a mission statement, because you begin looking at the bigger picture as to how the daily decisions help you get to the end goal.

So my theme for 2009? Well you will have to wait for that. Remember? I have five days to figure it out also.

The Quote That Leaves More Questions Than Answers

2008-12-26T11:00:00.000-08:00

The movie The Bucket List has been saved on my DVR for some time, and I thought I would finally watch it today. The movie began and ended with this:

"When he died, His eyes were closed but his heart was open."

And I was left with this question:
Do we live with our eyes open and our hearts closed?

Procrastinating Like Its Cool

2008-12-22T19:33:00.000-08:00

You heard it first here. The official event planner has procrastinated and is officially in crisis.

- The house is messy.
- The Christmas cards that I made a big deal of addressing prior to going to Africa have never been sent out.
- I have not bought a single Christmas present.
- I have not begun baking nor do I know what I am going to bake for the neighbors.
- I have not figured out what I am going to make for Christmas dinner.
- I could not tell Santa what I wanted if he tried to beat it out of me, so my family is getting a bit testy.

Now for those who do not know the severity of this situation, this is typically all done by the end of the first week in December. I even buy extra presents to ensure that I have extra host gifts for parties, impromptu white elephants and those random gifts that pop up. One of my friends took me out to dinner tonight and I realized that I was in the episode of "Bizarro World" from Seinfield because we had switched places. We had the same exact conversation (minus Christmas Cards and baking because guys don't do that) last year. Of course, he enjoyed the tables being turned completely. Me, not so much.

It would make sense for a person to assess the situation and make a plan of action. I am going to clean the house at this time. Sending out the cards tomorrow. These are the presents I am going to buy and this is what is going to happen. That is what I usually do, I can make a mean list, and am anal about making sure the items get checked off. Yeah, not so much. That takes energy and I am tired. I really enjoyed dinner with a friend more and am ready to go to bed instead of making a list. Hence, the procrastinating begins, The good news is that I excel under pressure; the bad news is that the whole situation defies historical data, so the result is currently a toss up.

25 Random Things About Me

2008-12-21T17:23:00.000-08:00

My friend Jonathon recently did a post on Facebook called '25 Random Things About Me'. I like it, I am stealing it, and here it goes in no particular order.

1. Though I have never been officially diagnosed with ADD, I am positive that I have it. Actually, my parents had me tested before and we were told that I did not have it. I am positive that they were wrong. I can very rarely do just one thing at a time. As I type this, I am at my friends house, watching football, having a conversation and IM'ing on Facebook. Now I am not saying that I do it all well at the same time, but I am guilty of being a multi-tasker.

2. I LOVE sports. I even get a subscription to ESPN magazine and have a membership online with them. My favorite is college basketball with NFL coming in a close second.

3. I have a birthmark shaped like a postage stamp.

4. My first car was a 89' Toyota Camry that my brother gave me as a birthday present for my 16th birthday. He had run it into the ground and to make it drivable, my parents put $1500 into it. He had also broken the driver's seat and as a result I learned to drive and still do drive like a thug. I am short, but I sit as far back from the wheel as possible and the seat is leaned back.

5. Speaking of cars, I can drive a automatic and a stick shift. It's only been in the past couple of years that I switched to an automatic but I still try to shift a gear while I drive. One day, I would love to have a "play" car that is a stick shift and I can speed around in. And yes, "play car" is code for sports car. But I love driving a SUV for everyday use. Have Big Car, Small Girl Syndrome.

6. I love music. I used to sing at a lot of different events - not so much anymore - but got used to listening to a song over and over to learn it. As a result, when I buy a new CD that I love or hear a song that I love, I tend to play it over and over in my car until the next song/CD speaks to me. And, sometimes, I never listen to the CD again once I finally take it out. Current rotation is Pink's new CD - I love it and am hoping it doesn't fall into the never listen to it again pile.

7. I am really close with my older brother. I did not realize until recently how not normal it is that we are so close. We can talk for hours and its very common for him to come over in the late evening and we will sit up talking to the early hours of the morning.

8. I am a daddy's girl, but I adore my cute mama. I also am very close to my god-mother. I talk to my mom and god-mother several times a week.

9. I love to read. Tend to read at least one fiction book a week, and always have 2-3 serious books in rotation at one time.

10. Addicted to celebrity gossip blogs and magazines.

11. I love to cook and dream of having a big kitchen one day.

12. A lot of my friends have very dedicated hobbies that they are excellent at (photography, writing, painting,etc.). They inspire me and sometimes I am a little bit jealous of them. I like to write, I like to paint, I like to sing, I like to decorate, I like to plan parties and events and the list goes on. I will dive into whatever I am passionate about at the time and burn myself out and then I have to stop and begin something new. I wonder how much better I could be at something if I would stick with it.

13. I am very shy. People don't tend to believe me on this one but I am. I also struggle with social anxiety at times and that my friends, is an official diagnosis.

14. I want to learn how to play golf and how to fly a plane.

15. I love dressing up and being sassy, but the moment I get in my house, I strip it all off and get into pajamas. Even if I am going back out in an hour.

16. If I realize I have hurt someone's feelings, I will feel physically ill until I have apologized to them. I hate disappointing and/or hurting people that I love.

17. Just like I go through phases of hobbies, I also do the same with working out. Either loathe it or love it, but stick with it either way.

18. I was born in NC, but we moved to SC when I was 4. We moved back to NC when I was in the 3rd grade and I have lived there ever since. But if you ask me where I am from, my answer is SC. I don't see myself ever living there again, but I love going home and spending time with my grandmother's brothers and sisters on the farm. Puts my heart at ease.

19. I love the beach - laying out and playing football in the ocean. But I struggle making a decision between the beach and the mountains. The breathtaking views of the mountains restore the soul. Either way, I love traveling and try to get away for 2-3 trips a year.

20. I don't like watching Animal Planet or Discovery Channel. But sometimes, I hear my friends talking about programs they watched on the Discovery Channel and I feel inspired to begin watching. I think I just catch the wrong things. I do like BRAVO reality tv shows.

21. You will never get to know me over a beer at a party. I have never felt like it is a "safe" place to open up. But if you ask me out to dinner or out for coffee, I am a open book.

22. I have had my heart broken badly - a couple of times. Strangely, I am thankful for each time. Don't get me wrong, it hurt, but I wouldn't be the person I am today without the valley's.

23. I was an awful child, there are tons of stories, but here are a few of my favs: I ate rat poison. I was brought home in a police car in kindergarten. I ripped out 1/2 of my cousin's hair accidentally because she got to go to bed later than I did.

24. I am a dare devil and I adore living life full tilt. Most people are surprised at my zeal for adventure and that I will rough it in the outdoors because they are used to seeing my sassy side.

25. Have a lot of nicknames and answer to them more than I do my own name - Wally, JWall, Wallin, Waylen, Memphis - these are just a few...

Tis' the Season

2008-12-15T19:56:00.000-08:00

OK...I have not forgotten about you. Tis' the season, and I have been a bit busy, so more Africa to come, but a few thoughts for the week.

1. Posts have been a bit serious recently, a little bit different the the frivolity of some of the standards... bear with me, just been trying to work through what is on my heart. I don't want to forget and in a way, it is a bit therapeutic to share with you. And, I want to share it - I need for you to know what we experienced because I want us to do something about it - together.

2. This week is the Christmas Village Toy Store and WE NEED TOYS! Check it out details on www.charlottechristmasstore.com. Help us serve Charlotte families in need.

3. There has been a lot of talk recently in my circles about relationships. I am not sure if it has to do with the sermon series, the time of year and feeling lonely, or just some timely conversations amongst friends, but people are talking and I think it is good. (trust me, we all have our struggles in this area) In the midst of that, one of the people I love the most in the world had her heart broken recently as her engagement ended. I have struggled sharing a part (any!) of our conversation as there is a bit of a need for editing in the blog world. But, for whatever reason, felt the need to share a bit of it. To give some back story, we were talking about, what is next? How do you move on? Do you move to a different city? etc. Being on the other side of a few broken hearts, was sharing some of my experiences and ended with this. Hopefully, it helps those in that place...

"The hope? The silver lining? The pain does get less and less and you do move on. As much as it hurts right now, you realize God's divine providence and realize you would rather feel the pain now then years down the road with kids in tow. You redefine who you want to marry. You begin to laugh again and its not forced. You drive around town and don't see all of the ghosts of memories. You see your future without him and not what was taken away. You experience joy again. You experience the first kiss again. Despite the walls of hurt he created, you take them down and love again. All of the above seems like a fairy tale - i know - but i promise, this one comes true."

Hope your having a good week. I have not started Christmas shopping yet, so you are likely to get some ranting in the near future and of course, the rest of the story on Africa.

Port Shepston - Part 2: Phophoyi

2008-12-07T15:05:00.001-08:00

I have tried starting this post several times. The thing is, this is the day, and the place, we begin to be shattered. I want to convey these people's stories. They are real people. They do not see themselves as poor. They have dreams too. That could be you or I in their shoes, yet God chose for us to lead the story we are living out today and not theirs. So instead of trying to form the words that have alluded me since I met them, I give you the words from my journal that day. They do not give their story justice, but they are what I have.

(journal begins)
When we first arrived to our destination, we saw a nursery which is an old freight trailor. I would not leave my dog here, yet people leave their children. It is painted in a rainbow of colors. On it someone has written, "Its too late to apologize." Seeing Phophoyi first hand, we understand why people shake their heads and say that the problem is too big when we say why we are here.

We met Ciscara. She is in bed bundled up and cannot speak because she is too weak and too sick. Her baby lays beside her at the foot of the bed. As we coo over the baby, she does not gurgle or smile like a normal baby her age would. She merely stares at us. We pray with Ciscara and we tell her we will dance with her in heaven. We are sorry she is sick. We are sorry for this disease.

Outside a child (maybe 2?) is trying to walk around in little boy's dress shoes. The child is dressed in rags that barely cover him, yet he learns how to walk in these shoes that are for an older child. Little girls are playing hop scotch. Instead of a chalk drawing, the lines are drawn in the sand. They are surprised when I hop along the hop scotch squares and a little bit shy that an adult will play with them. Their adults are sick, working, both. Where did they learn to play this game? They are only children, yet their innocence is deceiving - they have seen way more life than any child should ever have to see.

Then there was Esther. Esther has been my favorite character in the Bible for a long time. She is my example of strength through vulnerability. This Esther is just as beautiful. Every few moments she cries and as typical for the women of her village, continually hides her face in shyness behind the blanket. She lives with her two sisters but we are told that they ignore her. I told her that she was beautiful and she weeped. Kurt hugged her and she did not want to let go. She is shunned by the community around her and struggles with the concept of somebody loving her, caring about her needs. Think about the smallest room you can think of and that is the size of her home. Even in a space that small, her sisters manage to ignore her, to the point of not even sharing food. She learned about Jesus at church and found out that she had AIDS a week later. She says it made her feel a little bit better knowing that Jesus loved her. In order to go to the clinic, she had to get money from her Positive Ray assigned worker; they also give her food so she can take her medicine.

We ask the Positive Ray workers how we can pray for them. They say that they want God to give them more love. They also need food for the infected. If the patients do not have food, they cannot take their ARV's. They give some of their own food, but they cannot feed everyone and still feed themselves. The workers are in their mid-20's and early-30's. They are my peers. I live an amazing life. They face death everyday.

As we talk about our day, Kurt says it best, we encountered hell today. I am not sure what hell looks like, but yes, that would be my version. It is painful and I do not even live it. My heart is breaking. Lord, hold me tightly, whisper that you love me loudly and do not let go. Remind me that you are the same God in South Africa.

Port Shepston - Part 1

2008-12-04T17:34:00.000-08:00

Our first full day in Africa began with us going to church at Edenvale Baptist Church which is where Daniela and Brent attend. To me it was a bit of a cross between W242 and Threshold and I felt right at home. The most meaningful moment of the service for me though, was the baptism. Some sweet, dear friends of mine were going to be baptizing their children at W242 on that very Sunday and I was sad to be missing it. Strangely, watching the baptism, I felt like even though I was not there physically, I was sharing the moment with them. It was also neat to be singing a favorite song from W242 (Hosanna) in this church thousands of miles away.

After church, we were off to Port Shepston. Supposedly, this was to be a 6 hour drive, but I think it ended up being 9 hours? At some point around hour 7, I write in my journal the words, "I am tired, grumpy and hungry." It doesn't solve my problems, but is my way of quietly venting and having a brat moment. Kathi and I could not get out of the van fast enough once we arrived at the house we were staying in for the night. Once we had found our accommodations, we had yet another "western" meal, we wondered if we had traveled all the way to South Africa to have hamburgers and mexican food. But that question would have to wait until another day as we had to get some rest before tomorrow.

The program we visit in Port Shepston is Positive Ray. The word "positive" refers to the fact that there is a lot of negativity surrounding HIV/AIDS and they want people to know that there is hope. "Ray" is the name of a real person and "R"= Requires and "Y" = You. They share with us the details of their program. Its infancy and how it began and what it has become today. Some of their success' and challenges and then it is off to the field to see their different programs first hand.

First stop was the Syntach Factory where they go and speak with the factory workers twice a week at the request of the owners. 90% of the workers in the factory are infected. As we tour the factory, it is heartbreaking to think that 9 out of 10 women that I meet are infected. They are beautiful women and in their eyes, I see no hope. 30-50 workers are out a day because they are so sick they cannot make it into work. Many may make it in, but to work is a challenge because they are not only sick, they are hungry because they do not have food. Ironically, the product that this factory makes is baby clothes. I begin to ponder the question of how do they make a product that is vibrant with life in the midst of disease and death around them?

The next stop was at Merlewood Secondary School. Most children were gone as they had finished their exams. The school has an entire program dedicated to trying to educate children on HIV/Aids. Before they started this program, they had a 17% pregnancy rate. 60% of the kids come from a 1 parent family - the other parent has either disappeared or died from AIDS. 14% are orphans. Many of the children, neither parent is present and either them or a sibling runs their household. In order to attend school, some start walking to school before 5 in the morning. But, for all, there seems to be some type of sacrifice or hardship in their dedication to attend daily. There are also many students who are infected. One group of children begin our journey with music in this country by singing to us a song. While we do not understand all of the words, the tune is to one of our fav church bands song, "Oh No, You Never Let Go" - the words we do understand are definitely a bit more provocative and it is clear that these children have seen much more world than they should have seen at such a young age.

Our final stop for the day would be visiting the settlements in this area. The first two stops of the day were hard, but this next visit would shatter us.

The Tale of the Bug

2008-12-04T17:28:00.000-08:00

So, I was informed I left out one minor story from our traveling and as much as I hate to admit it, it is one that all who know me will appreciate since you all know I am a klutz.

I packed in a back pack one would use to back pack across a country. Large enough to fit everything in but small enough you can still throw it on your back. My loving team members informed me that it looked like a bug on my back.

As we were gathering in JoBurg about to go through customs, I shuffled my feet, lost my balance and ended up on my back. Ever seen a bug fall on its back with its feet in the air? Yep, you have the mental picture now...

Traveling

2008-12-01T18:12:00.000-08:00

I have struggled with where to jump into this story, and it seems only appropriate to start at the beginning.

Five of us were tasked by our church to scout the land. Our goal was to explore the viability of a long-term partnership with a church in Botswana through SIM's Hope for AIDS. In particular, discovering first-hand the climate for an Income Generating model, and in the process meeting the "indigenous and expatriate leadership in place." We prepared for months with our fearless leader Yvonne from SIM, learning about the different programs we would visit, the country, HIV/AIDS, cultural differences and more. Of course, common sense tells us all that seeing it on paper is one thing, experiencing it, is another, and thus begins the journey. Our answer? Well, my friends, you will need to stay tuned for that, which is why we begin to dive into the stories.

The week leading up to the trip was a humbling one. We were prayed on by our community, small groups, family and close friends. And while I am sure each of us had words that meant a lot to us, here were my two, among others, that I kept coming back to:

(from the book Having a Mary Spirit by Joanna Weaver)
"Our enemy wants to keep us so consumed with our inadequacies that we never get around to appropriating the love and transforming power God has made available to us through His Son... Satan wants us to be so constantly preoccupied with what we're not, that we never get around to realizing all that God is."

(verse of prayer from my Wednesday night small group - Philipians 4)
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

So, with our encouragement in hand, we met at the airport for the journey. Laura (Kenneth's wife) was impressed at mine and Kathi's stellar packing skills. Apparently, there was some debate as to whether we could pack sensibly. And the joke became that my backpack crammed to the brink, looked a bit like a bug on my back. It was kind of like the first day of school. You know that what you are about to experience will change your life; and as you look around at these people before you, you know that you will be forever linked to them. We were in good spirits. We flew from Charlotte to Atlanta and then Atlanta to Dakar and then from Dakar to Johannesburg, South Africa. While in Dakar, we did not get off of the plane, and the question was raised, 'Can you count this as a place we have been if we never get off the plane?' We determined the answer to be only if it meant a stamp on our passports.

When we finally arrived in JoBurg, it was tired and weary from travel, but in great spirits and ready to get started. Yvonne (who had arrived ahead of us) and another SIM employee, Daniella met us at the airport. As we traveled from the airport to the SIM house that we were to stay in that night, we saw what looked like a bad neighborhood in Detroit, complete with pizza parlors, KFC and McDonald's. We would not find out until the morning, but JoBurg has the highest crime rate in Africa. Each of the houses are complete with a fence with barbwire at the top of it and electronic gates to get in. Each house also have buttons throughout to push in the event that an intruder gets in through the fence. If pushed, we were told that the security company would come in and beat the intruder. A little crazy, but we are told that it is fairly effective.

We ate a spaghetti dinner with Yvonne and our new friends Daniella and Brent, and were off to bed. Tomorrow would hold church in JoBurg and travel to Port Shepston.

ps-pictures to come soon.

Translating the Time Difference Every Hour

2008-12-01T01:22:00.000-08:00

As I write this first blog attempting to give you words and images that describe our journey to Africa, it comes after an evening of waking up every hour computing in my head what time it is in Africa, because you see, I left my heart there. And thanks to my desire to kick my week long habit of Ambien, and counquer jet lag, I am left thinking of this country and people that I love at these intervals of time. Have you ever broken up with someone you loved and been left with the good memories? It doesn't matter that your heart is breaking and you experienced a relationship at it's worst, because part of the healing process is thinking of the best times, and wondering where it went wrong. You drive in your home city and you see snapshots in your head as you drive by places the two of you had memories. Hence, my journey right now.

Simply put, I experienced heaven and hell on this earth in one week.

So, my goal is this - to try to take you through that journey through my blog. If we were to sit down and have coffee, and you were to ask me to tell you about it, you would want every detail... and for those who this actually happens with, I will do my best. But this journey was experienced over the course of 1,944 hours and thousands of miles in between. An hour of coffee is just not enough.

Themed Parties and Blogging Challenges

2008-11-08T18:24:00.000-08:00

So, you will notice that I finally put a picture up on the blog. Here is the truth - I am inept when it comes to all things electronic. But, I was challenged to do this blog and I was recently inspired by SJ's blog (which I also officially linked - I am slowly learning), because she is doing a blog challenge to do a post every day for a month. I am not hopping on that bandwagon anytime soon, but I am trying to do this a bit more frequently...

Now, for the picture. That is my friend Peter and I at a engagement party last night for our friends Jen and Daniel. The theme was Hollywood and everyone had to dress up as someone. I did a version of Marilyn Monroe. It is not the best, but I had to be able to transition to some other parties that evening and just wiped off the mole and the red lipstick.

I have been on the road a lot lately, so it has been nice hanging out with friends and what better way than a themed party - every diva's dream! Been to any fun theme parties recently? Would love to hear about it.

My Post-Election Thoughts

2008-11-07T09:38:00.000-08:00

This week, we made history. We elected a new president. We elected an African American. We united a country. We united a world that is very rarely dancing in the streets at the decisions the United States make.

We have all heard the comments - and there are many as with any election, no matter what side of the fence you fall on. I have had friends and colleagues that are joyous. I have had friends and colleagues who are upset. And those who fall on either side but are clearly afraid to talk about it.

It was a campaign that stood apart from others. For some reasons that was obvious - A woman going after the democratic ticket for the presidency and her adversary and the now president elect, an African American. A woman going after the vice presidency that resembles our favorite SNL star, Tina Fey, a past beauty pageant contestant with an expensive wardrobe, a child who has special needs, and a child about to give birth as a teenager. Her quest to be vice president was not a new story for women, that path has been walked before; but her family's picture and zeal for her potential future positions, was a new story. And some that were either less obvious or not spoken about - The race took on marketing methods that America had not seen before utilizing amazing grass root gorilla marketing resources, as well as new methods of internet communication such as Facebook. More money was spent on advertising then we ever saw before. The democratic ticket had an unprecedented number of celebs speaking out in favor of Obama, and as such, showing their support with benefit concerts, and other events. These are just a few, but the list is staggering and while I disagree with the statement that it was the most important election of our lifetime (because we say that every 4 years), I do agree that the methods of marketing and the glass ceiling that was broken, do impact our future elections unlike the others before this benchmark. History was made on a number of different levels and should not be ignored.

So where do I fall? I voted for McCain. And that is the beauty of democracy, that we get a choice. But when the vote is done, we have to celebrate and support the winner, despite where he may fall on our popularity scale. Here are my thoughts that I shared in an e-mail with friends as we dialogued about this via email on Wednesday:

I feel very nervous for our country, but my goal is to have the grace and class that McCain had last night and also do what my heavenly father asks of me – to support my leaders and pray for them. He does not have the experience, but Obama is brilliant at placing the right people around him, hence his victory yesterday. Hopefully, the same will be true for his advisors and cabinet. I pray that he will be a man of conviction, and that God will work in his heart the way he did Saul before he became Paul. There are examples of God taking the most impossible of hearts and molding them for his plan all throughout the Bible, and hopefully the same will be true here.

At the end of the day I am true Presbyterian girl and fully submit to the doctrine that God knows the entire story already. He knows every step of my life – the decisions that I will make – good and bad. He knew that America would vote for Obama and he knows the course of the next 4 years and the future presidents we will have and the fears that they will bring. Unfortunately, you and I will probably be having the same email correspondence, different person, 4 yrs from now.

Our reminder in all of this, is that our hope as Christians is that there is more. Insecurity abounds around us, but our stock is in heaven and not on this earth. And God is good, he will provide and take care of us.

Psalm 27:13-14

“What, what would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living! Wait and hope for and expect the Lord. Be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.”

A Shocking Morning Surprise

2008-10-21T16:33:00.000-07:00

I am completely out of it in the mornings. I am sure it does not take a lot to shock me or scare me as a result of it, but I got a surprise this morning that caused a little scream.

Imagine this, sleep walking around the house doing the morning routine. Reach in to the shower to turn on the water and let it get hot. And when I pulled back the curtain a couple minutes later to get in, gasped (with a little bit of scream) as I realized there was some random shower products in my shower. Its the thought that somebody is in your house, your private area has been invaded and I would know if a boy has been in my shower right (packaging is masculine even though it is for women)?

So where did it come from? I had some sweet male birdies over for lunch on Sunday to celebrate their birthdays. One of those birdies wanted to be very generous and had brought me a sweet array of Hermes perfumed shower products. Since one of the other birdies has for sure never heard of the brand Hermes, nor does he know it exists, I was quick to narrow into whom to thank in my sleepy haze. But as my mind struggled to quickly compute the facts, those first few seconds had me a little nervous!

Use Your Words

2008-10-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

A couple of conversations with friends recently, have left me with questions...

Convo #1: Friend is in magic time frame of when it can either turn to a good friendship or hot relationship. Think phone calls, texts, coffee and impromptu lunches. Yet it goes no where. Guy is known for being forward, yet nothing has happened yet, she thinks she has interpreted all of the above wrong.

Convo #2: Guy friends tells me (unsolicited I might add) that I am intimidating to guys. I am "pretty, smart, have a good career and if I got into an argument with a guy could probably win."

Convo #3: Friend was asked out via text. Was discussed among girlfriends and split in the middle - some felt that it was ok, others felt that he needed to pick up the phone and call. Finally met in the middle and decided that it was ok under the circumstance because the texting started out as "had fun last night...", but he needed to pick up the phone to finalize plans and not depend on texting.

These unfortunately are just a few of the discussions, there are more. This is the message I feel I am hearing. Our parents brought us up to be strong women. They told us we could be smart and pretty. Apparently according to guys, this is a lie. They would rather us be on the dumb side. And perhaps therein lies the problem. Maybe we are dumb because we no longer respect ourselves, and say, if you respect me, you will call me. If you respect me, you will quit playing games and let me know your feelings instead of just asking for impromptu invitations. If you respect me, its ok for me to be smart and still love to pamper myself.

Let me be clear to my girlfriends reading this - I am right there with you - I have allowed this behavior to be acceptable. I have told myself that it is ok and justified it in my head. I am not sure about you, but it keeps giving me reasons to build walls rather than to tear them down.

When was it, that we decided that it was ok to just be "hanging out" or "texting". What's next? Will we have relationships on facebook? Come to think of it, I think that is already happening and I have done some flirting in that realm as well. I was telling someone recently that the thing about FB is that Emily Posts rules aren't applicable and as such leave me confused at times. For example, if someone posts a status that shows that they are struggling with something, are you allowed to comment? Or do you just leave it alone? Thats the thing about technology. It is a magnificent way to hide behind words on a screen, without ever having to live.

Life is being bold and living full tilt and claiming the emotions behind them. Words have power if you say them out loud.

"You are intimidating to men."

"You are beautiful."

"I want to take you out to dinner."

"I like you."

What are the words you have been wanting to say? Use them.

Rude Comments from Ignorant People

2008-09-30T19:54:00.000-07:00

I have honestly tried to block out the below conversation, but I was swiftly reminded of it as the business contact was rude to me again today. So, here is the back story - said business contact has had a chip on his shoulder from the word go. Could not handle it anymore and finally asked, "Have I done something, said something that has offended you?" I found out that I have not done anything, just made the mistake of being a woman and he does not like dealing with them in business. Obviously, my mouth was agape here...

Let me make it clear - I am not a women's libber. You will not ever find me burning bra's, in fact to be perfectly blunt, no one wants me to - mine are needed, well used and would probably ask for a vacation. I love guys and I want them to be leaders and am happy to take a step back and let them lead.

But seriously, you don't like dealing with women in the workplace? This is not 1950. Wake up, we are everywhere, deal with it. I don't like working with ignorant people, but obviously I am in this situation.

Riddle Me This...

2008-09-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

I don't now nor have I ever, claimed to be the brightest bulb in the pack, but there are a few things I just do not get this week...

1. Why the heck does Charlotte, NC not have gas? I get the cause - hurricane in Texas, slowed oil production, yada, yada, yada...has anyone noticed that Charlotte seems to be struggling with this the most? We never make national news, and this is how we choose fame with Brian Williams?

2. Why do some feel that no one else knows they are gay and feel the need to be on a magazine cover to announce it? Yes, Clay Aiken this one is for you. I have met you in person, made sure you had moments alone with your family before you left for Iraq, ran with you away from Claymates to get you on your way to another event - never once did I question your sexuality, nor did America. They knew and they still voted for you. Buy a vowel and get a clue, it is not a grand epiphany.

3. Do friendships recover when friends have been m.i.a. for 2 years? Its the proverbial tale - Jane Doe went to the market. Jane Doe met the man of her dreams. Jane Doe dated and pushed her friends to the back of the seams. Jane Doe got engaged and needed friends for the chores, she then got hitched and headed for the shores. But when Jane Doe came back to real life, everyone hit the doors.

Tired

2008-09-25T04:46:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. Looking forward to October 13th.

How Do You Have A Crush For A Hot Minute?

2008-09-23T04:43:00.000-07:00

Of all the different questions one could ask in regards to my last blog, I have gotten a lot of questions re: how can a girl have a crush for a hot minute? I am not sure why this matters or why there is a need for explanation, its quite simple. You have a crush one minute and the next you are over it.

Here is an example: I recently met a new friend whom is very dynamic and the type of guy that people just want to be around. He is fun and engaging and it doesn't hurt that he is a BSB too. So, when I am around him, I crush a bit and then I am over it. There is nothing there and doubt there would ever be, but for a hot minute, I am all aflutter.

For you guys out there, this is typical girl 101. And if your honest, guys have their moments of appreciating the opposite sex for a hot minute as well.

I slacked on blogging and Got tagged...

2008-09-18T18:28:00.000-07:00

So its been awhile since I blogged - been busy between show time and being over committed (I have yet to learn the word No), but fear not, thanks to my friend SJ, I have been tagged and tasked with answering the questions below. I promise I will get better!

A. Attached or Single? Single. Although I tend to have crushes for a hot minute at times. What can I say, you got feast and you got famine.

B. Best Friend? Been blessed with some fabulous best friends - ya'll know who you are! Smooches!

C. Cake or pie? Cake. My favorite is Strawberry Cake with Strawberry Icing and my cute mama makes it for my bday every year. Although, I very rarely meet a cake I do not like.

D. Day of choice? Love Wednesdays because that is when my small group meets, but I love Friday!

E. Essential item? "The Brat" (aka my dog Fudge), also love my MacBook and my cell.

F. Favorite color? I have never been able to decide between pink and red, but I like 'em both.

G. Gummy bears or worms? Bears. I am not sure if I have ever thought about that before...

H. Hometown? My heart is in my home state of SC, but I basically grew up in Charlotte, NC.

I. Favorite indulgence? This question implies that a woman would only have one - whatever - here are a few of my favorite indulgences... mani's and pedi's, massages, wine, diet coke, vacation, fmp's...

J. January or July? July - love all things summer.

K. Kids? In the words of SJ, "I love them. I hope that one day, if I ever sucker some poor man into marrying me, I'll get to have a few."

L. Life isn’t complete without? A little bit of Jesus.

M. Marriage date? Who the heck wrote this questionnaire? Didn't we establish in question #1 that I am single? The only girls that can answer this are either engaged or a stalker.

N. Number of brothers and sisters? Have a brother, Pat and cute sister-in-law Jennifer. Yes there are two Jenn Wallin's. And of course by god-brother and sister, Mitchell and Heather.

O. Oranges or Apples? Like them both but would prefer a banana.

P. Phobias? Mascots. As far as I am concerned, there is a pedophile under that mask.

Q. Quotes? "He crowns me with grace. He crowns me with love. And I am satisfied."

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans for welfare and not for calamity. To give you a future and a hope. " - Jeremiah 29:11

R. Reasons to smile? So many reasons and not enough space... Living life full tilt and have been incredibly blessed.

S. Season of choice? Summer

T. Tag 5 people: Will stick with SJ's tag bc I don't have anything creative here - If you haven't blogged in a week or if you haven't done this survey.

U. Unknown fact about me? I have a birth mark that looks like a postage stamp.

V. Vegetable? Squash and Zucchini.

W. Worst habit? I like sleep too much. Have to set several alarms in the mornings and push snooze on them all. Might need to break that one day if I get married.

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? umm...neither...if I am having either done, it means something is wrong.

Y. Your favorite food? really depends on my mood, but I love hamburgers.

Z. Zodiac sign? I think I am a scorpio, but don't keep up with it.

Bravoholic

2008-08-21T18:23:00.000-07:00

My name is Jennifer, and I am a Bravoholic.

Heidi Klum is fierce and while I cannot sew on a button much less design an outfit, I could watch reruns of Project Runway all day. By the way, I love how at least one character a year has a saying. Last season, It was Christian with the word "fierce" - for the record, I have been saying this for years due to my fellow gay boyfriends. This it is tanning-addicted Blain saying everything to the ending "licious". Insert any word into the prefix there. But what about Blain making Tim Gunn, the whitest boy in America say "Holla at ya boy!"

Two Words: Tom Collicio. I love that man and he is soooo sexy! Oh and I love the cooking challenges too. I think my favorite challenge is when they have to set up a restaurant but I love them all. The only downside is that we do not get to try the food.

Jeff Lewis officially gives hopes to OCD people everywhere - including myself. I actually think it would be fun to be his assistant for the day and fill Jenny's shoes.

Shear Cut....oh dear, is it me or would you want any of these fools doing cuts on your hair? They are crazy! But I have to admit I love me some Daniel from Texas and think we could be great friends! And, I think that out of all the Bravo shows they have the most interesting drama-filled fights! The best part? They are bringing back Tabatha for a new show where she takes over salons for a week and cleans house. Let the smack down begin.

I wonder if Bravo has a 12 step program?

Memo

2008-08-17T16:08:00.000-07:00

MEMO

To: Stephanie Meyer

From: Jennifer Wallin

Re: You Have Officially Decreased My Productivity

It's official. Somehow I missed your earlier books but thanks to my sister-in-law, now have the entire series. I have to admit that I did not have much faith in your book due to the description on the back - vampires, love ... not really a combination I would put together or read. But, I am finished with book one and have three to go. Something has to go - working, eating, breathing, reading your books ,exercising - I am not willing to give up the books. You must warn me in advance for now on. I am addicted.

Read Your Emails Before Pressing Send

2008-08-04T16:40:00.000-07:00

Received this via e-mail today.... it was written by a man. Wondering if he just forgot to read the e-mail before sending or if it is just not in his vocabulary?

All of the spots have been downloaded to the G:\Spots directory.